<p>@consolation We had a hard time getting recommendations. I, nor any one in my family, belonged to a sorority in college. Mostly everyone I knew was a commuter student, working and going to school. Also, in our community (mostly first generation Hispanics) sororities were not the thing to do. Even now, my daughter only knows a few girls that rushed last year. I was able to get a few recommendations from posting on different forums that I belonged too. I also reached out to my local panhellenic alumnae chapter but I didnāt even realize the importance of recommendations until a couple of months before rush week. I now know a lot more about the whole process and will begin my research for for my sonās fraternity rush at least year before! Lol</p>
<p>In general fraternity rush is more casual than sorority rush. My brother went through rush with absolutely no connections. He joined a house with a reputation of being āboringā. Actually, it was an unfair label. His fraternity brothers were a great bunch of guys. Their house didnāt have crazy parties because it was off of Greek Row and near apartments. He is still in contact with many of his fraternity brothers after all these years.</p>
<p>When my D graduated I had a couple of women ask me if she was interested in rushing, that they would be glad to write her a recommendation and that they knew other moms who I could ask. It didnāt work out for my D but it seemed like word of mouth. I think you can also ask a local alumni group. </p>
<p>I have conflicted feelings about delayed rush. It seemed like there was almost a semester of informal rush all fall semester. You needed to go to the right fraternity parties, and be outgoing without being slutty and work at knowing girls.</p>
<p>For recs, you start asking around you never know who might be Greek or know a Greek. Then there are the alumni associations that you can go to, they can be helpful in setting you up with women to write recs. Itās obviously better to have a recipe written by someone you have a personal relationship with but a recent from someone youāve just recently been put in contact with will also suffice.</p>
<p>Recs seem to be more important in the South or at large universities with a big greek presence. Spring of Dās senior HS year a group of moms started a list of which moms were willing to write recs for the upcoming year. (Me=GDI, no help.) Weāre in Southern CA, and the greek community at Dās school is very low key. We did find recs for all the houses at her school, but she said none of her friends even knew/cared to do that. She was disappointed being cut from a house where she had two very strong alumni recs (plus she thought the events/interviews went well) and ended up pledging the one house that she had a peer rec for (and was her preference on bid day when it was narrowed down to two houses). After the dust settled, she couldnāt be happier and says this house ended up being a much better match for her.</p>
<p>Iāve quit writing recs because I donāt believe theyāve had much of an impact. Itās embarassing for me. Iāve written them for girls at Indiana, Univ of Michigan, and Iowa State, to name a few. Even though they were all great girls, it seemed to only get them to the second party.</p>
<p>One thing I remember about my college years is the smallest sorority when I rushed, ended up being the fastest growing sorority during my four years. It was great to watch them grow.</p>
<p>DD will go through recruitment at Bama next August. We are already starting the search for recs. we live in a small area and have no family sorority members. We have heard that recs will get your resume looked at before the week of recruitment begins so the sorority is familiar with you. Bama recommends two recs per sorority.</p>
<p>One great way to look for recs is to ask teachers. they often have friends from college. Guys are a great resource as well. They often knew women from college that might have been as well. If worse comes to worse, there are area Panhellenic alumnae groups that will help you reach out to members.</p>
<p>The recs thing is strange. Running around begging alumnae to write a references for students they are barely acquainted with if at all.</p>
<p>^ Did not mean to hit send, I am on a tablet and was trying to backspace. Anyway - my D did not get recs, she says no one at her school does that.</p>
<p>It is strange. My H treats a lot of young women going off to college and if the topic comes up, has offered me as a rec writer. I donāt even know these girls. Iāll do so, but it is silly. I just wrote one for the daughter of a friend of a coworker.</p>
<p>At my school, they were nice but unnecessary. You can easily go through the system without them. </p>
<p>Consolation - my Pennsylvania-born and raised mother knew plenty of women who had been in sororities and thatās how I got recs. itās not just the south.</p>
<p>āIāve quit writing recs because I donāt believe theyāve had much of an impact. Itās embarassing for me. Iāve written them for girls at Indiana, Univ of Michigan, and Iowa State, to name a few. Even though they were all great girls, it seemed to only get them to the second party.ā</p>
<p>Why would you think theyād get a girl any farther than that? Their purpose is introductory only.</p>
<p>nC Mom - thatās the kind of insanity that gives the system a bad name. So woe be to the girl whose parents didnāt attend college or are from another country. Expecting 2 recs per house is absolutely insane. Iāve written recs for girls going to Bama, and Iām happy to help, but the full r</p>
<p>Whatās the purpose of a recommendation, and why do some sororities require them?</p>
<p>I grew up in a very small town and while I am sure there were women there who were sorority members living there, I could not begin to tell you who they were. I was still able to pledge a sorority which required a rec. I recall asking about this and being told that if the chapter had no rec for a girl that they wanted to pledge someone would get in touch with the girlās former high school. The college that I attended was a mid sized midwest university and even with about 1/3 of the student body in the greek system, it was pretty relaxed.</p>
<p>As an adult I have written recs for girls I know/daughters of friends.</p>
<p>A rec is a 1-2 page form that just lists some basic facts about the girl and you describe her personality and interests, so that when she goes through, the sorority cn match her with girls who might share those interests. (āOh, youāre a theatre major from Seattle who speaks French? Come meet Susie, whoās also from Seattle!ā)</p>
<p>In the system Iām used to, they are used for that kind of purpose ā as a general intro. If you donāt have one, no big deal ā we will get to knw you anyway and itās fine. </p>
<p>In other systems that Iāve written recs for (mostly the southern schools), the local houses ārequireā recs (too bad so sad of you are first gen college or an international student), and they require a full r</p>
<p>I seem to recall that the standard form used by my national sorority used to ask āparents occupationā. This is no longer true. They now are more interested in the girlās interests/ECās/GPA and character traits.</p>
<p>We didnāt have to get recs, but we did have to fill out a rush registration card, and IIRC it did ask for the fatherās occupation. At my school, that was usually Coal Miner or Steel Worker ā¦ not a lot of snobbery on that issue, anyway.
And I agree with Pizzagirl. Recs are nice, especially at a large school, but the SEC schools are waaaay over the top. I was thinking that these girls must really want to be Greek to go through all that. I mean, I loved being in a sorority and all, but good Lord!</p>
<p>The recs themselves are meaningless because the alumnae donāt know any of these young women. So getting recs seems to function as busy work for pnms to do to please the members by a show of effort. </p>
<p>I am amazed by what my D tells me as to how scripted and apparently preordained the whole thing is. I donāt want to say much before she pledges (assuming she does) but wow.</p>
<p>What do you mean by preordained? Thatās not my experience at all. I was a rush counselor (=disaffiliated and counseled new girls going through the system) and I was a rush director for my house.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Itās so odd to me to have a system where current members would ācareā about having PNMās jump through hoops. As far as I was concerned, rush was simply a structured set of parties to get to know people. You got to know them, and then you decided if you wanted to take the friendship further. The. End.</p>