<p>calmom,</p>
<p>I prefer not to resurrect this issue. I think your posts speak quite clearly for themselves. Again, I offer you peace. ~berurah</p>
<p>Berurah-</p>
<p>I'm sure you'll come back to this thread in a week and fondly recall the tension you felt awaiting your son's decisions - because he'll have many choices.</p>
<p>I'm rooting for your son and can't wait to hear all of the forthcoming great news. </p>
<p>I've got a bottle of champagne chilling for each of the CC parents awaiting news this week. ;)</p>
<p>momsdream,</p>
<p>I would welcome ANY opportunity to share champagne with you! I thank you for your support and for understanding my apprehension. My son, my husband, and I have been keeping a very open discussion this week, and I think we're all in a pretty good place right now. I hope it holds for the next 4-5 days! ~berurah</p>
<p>You know, we have arguments like this at work where we are really all on the same side, and wind up yelling at each other. This thread is very complicated, and full of intense feeling and passion. What is the commonality? </p>
<ul>
<li>Elite admissions are uncertain, and often painful to deal with.</li>
<li>Educational resources for people with limited means are a problem.</li>
<li>We can only do so much.</li>
<li>If there is a magic bullet in any of this, it is information. </li>
</ul>
<p>This issue of information goes beyond our personal scabbles and pain. The arguments on this thread have generated useful information for those that see it, as well as a variety of valid opinions. Shalom/salam/peace.</p>
<p>momsdream,
the champaign sounds virtually delightful - thanks!</p>
<p>We all live our own reality. There is no shame in having created such a wonderful experience for your child that life's first majpr upset is to not get into the the college of his choice. </p>
<p>Those of us who are fortunate, most of whom created our own good fortune, can give back by reaching out to others as is so often done here. We know you were not aking for help for this young man Calmom, but in your description we saw a kid who could obviously use some help and thought maybe we could assist. I think most of us assume healthy young people do want to go to college.</p>
<p>We can all sit and cry in our beer about all the unfortunate people in this Country or we can do our best to create good fortune for our loved ones and do our best to contribute where we can.</p>
<p>b-- What a process it is! It sounds like your family is ready for whatever news he'll get over the next couple of weeks. Keeping my sluggy toes crossed for your S! </p>
<p>Y'know, these kids are amazingly resilient, and what needs to happen usually does. It's a very interesting time for parents because you get to see paths open up that are sometimes unexpected. You can look forward to the relief of knowing what his choices are, and you're going to be proud of your S when he makes the final decision. </p>
<p>The worst part is right now, when you are waiting. But, it will all turn around, and it is another one of those parenting experiences where you will grow as your son finds his own way. ::::slugghuggs::::</p>
<p>Berurah: Regardless of all the pre-decision pep talks, it's pretty tough for our kids not to view acceptances as validations and rejections as ... well ... rejections. Here's hoping that your son gets lots of validation (the artificial kind at least; I know you'll give him the real kind) this week!
Momsdream: I hope you've got a big fridge!</p>
<p>hey sluggbugg,</p>
<p>This process is so amazingly complex and filled with more highs and lows than a roller coaster at Six Flags! But, I do think we are prepared, at least cognitively, for whatever may come this week. What I was posting about was the emotional component which has me a bit apprehensive, particulary if all of the news ends up being negative. I do think, though, that my son's having experienced the Yale EA rejection last December has prepared him in a way that he had not been prior to that. We have such issues around college right now (the pink slip, the unexpected FAFSA results, etc.) that these pending decisions are only one part of the troublesome puzzle! <em>lol</em> I think you are right in that we will feel better when all of the information is out there, and we can singularly concentrate on a workable solution for our family. Thanks for the crossed toes! We can use all of the luck we can possibly get! ~berurah</p>
<p>schoolmarm--AMEN!! Rationalize all you want, but reality is what it is! Thank you SO much for the good wishes--we sure appreciate them!</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>Many of the posts on this thread are beautiful examples of why I love College Confidential so much and why I wish that I knew many of the parents in real life. </p>
<p>There is so much wisdom and kindness here.</p>
<p>Among the many things that stand out are Beruah's taking the time to post so many individual notes of appreciation. Thank you for letting me know that what I wrote was useful to you.</p>
<p>Janimom,
Among the the things that you posted that particularly touched me was this: " So there are varying levels of college readiness. But regardless of level, if I have a few minutes with a kid, I want to plant the idea of future education even if they are heading off to jail. It may just be a seed, but who knows when it will germinate."</p>
<p>Years ago, I ran an apprenticeship job program for high school students, and it was designed to prepare students for a specific career that involved a college education. It particularly was for students who had the talent for that career, but who lacked the family background to know how to go to college.</p>
<p>Among the students was one first generation college student who probably was the only person in his neighborhood who was college bound.</p>
<p>He went into the program and did a wonderful job. As a result of the program, he got into a local college with a full scholarship. Then, he did something tragic and stupid. Someone insulted his friend at a party so he drove 13 miles back to the friend's home, popped the trunck so his friend could put a gun in the trunk, drove back to the house where the party was, popped the trunk and his friend took out the gun and shot out some windows.</p>
<p>They then went back home. It ended up that a teen had been killed by the gunfire. My former mentee ended up serving several years in prison for the crime. Afterward, though, he finished college, and got a job in the field that my program had prepared him for. About 2 years ago, I got a surprise e-mail from him thanking me for putting him on the path that led to his going to college and having a professional job.</p>
<p>It remains heartbreaking that this young man helped cause another's death. The hope, though, is that although he's in a city with one of the country's highest murder rates and drug addiction rates, he seems to be on a path that now is very different than what it could be. Sometimes in the short-term, our small interventions appear to have no effect. In the long term, though, they can be very important as long as we have the hope and the trust to do whatever small things we can do to try to make a difference.</p>
<p>Sometimes, the best we can do is just plant the seed, and see how it grows. Berurah, you and your H have done an outstanding job in making education an important part of your children's lives. Even if some dreams or ideas need to be part of the future more than they like, the seed is definitely planted and well nurtured. </p>
<p>I think your son will have some choices, and in making them mature. As a parent, a person, I love the easy and immediate, because I am so tired, but know well that sometimes it takes experiences where the choices are not clear and the alternatives uncertain to grow into an adult that can handle the more complex intricacies of life. </p>
<p>We get to know our CC families, and wish that all of the student and parents have their dreams come true this season. I love "happily ever after" but well know that after comes very quickly. One wish granted, new situation, new problem, new dream. Believe me, I am living this as I have lived this.</p>
<p>I want to toast the kids, too, no matter what the outcomes may be. ::clink:: They have worked so hard.</p>
<p>The problem of a kid with economic problems, family problems, family disinterest/ignorance, etc. has come up on other threads many times. In the spirit of "think globally, act locally" I PROPOSE THE FOLLOWING:</p>
<p>Let's all of us commit to doing at least <strong>one</strong> generous pro-college-exposure-to-underexposed act in our own local community. Here are some suggestions.</p>
<p>-take another kid <em>who would not otherwise get to go</em> with you when you do a visit of a nearby college. This can be one of your kid's friends/ aquaintances or it could be someone the GC might suggest-- someone with a decent shot at college & no encouragement at home.</p>
<p>-bring your 15 boxes ;) of college literature to places that kids in need of this exposure would congregate: after school programs, Boys & Girls Clubs, Homework Labs, tutoring centers, etc. Let it get into someone's hands, rather than wind up in landfill. Same with the books like "Fiske" & "Insider's Guide." </p>
<p>-If yours is a clueless public school GC, provide him/her with some reference books like the "Colleges that Change Lives" and other such information. Let him/her know about your CC "discoveries" like large state schools with honors programs, privates with good merit aid, relatively more affordable public LACs, schools set up for ADD or LD kids, especially affordable options, wonderful regional schools that should be on the GC's radar.</p>
<p>-Buy your public school a US News online edition access.</p>
<p>MORE IDEAS?-- add them!</p>
<p>SBmom:</p>
<p>What a great idea! To avoid hijacking this thread, and to draw more attention to your post, I'm copying your post and starting a new thread in this forum.</p>
<p>Count this inca mom in for some champagne, please! Whatever the results are by the end of the week, I have a feeling I will be needing something bubbly. I only wish we parents of '09ers could meet in person Friday night to toast and commiserate. It's been such a long haul... from our kiddos' births, it seems like. Well, virtual reality will have to do. </p>
<p>Is anyone going to start an RD acceptance thread the way we did for EA? It was so neat getting to see where everyone's S or D was accepted.</p>
<p>Berurah, I got your OP the moment I read it. Your intentions in posting it were pretty clear, at least to me (another worried mom). I'm praying the Duke decision comes out right for you, and that the finances fall into place. It's hard enough waiting on decisions, and my S doesn't doesn't have a clear number one favorite (or a younger sibling who's counting on an acceptance). Just remember, however it turns out, you will have a lot of company by Friday! {{hugs}}</p>
<p>Maybe the new RD Acceptance thread should be 'RD Acceptance and Champagne Toast Thread.' Or maybe we could all meet at Berurah's house..she's in the middle of the country.....</p>
<p>Yes, Andi! Great idea. Let's just drop in on Berurah Friday night. With six kids on Spring Break, I'm sure she could use the distraction... ;)</p>
<p>Well, we'll make it easy for her and bring all the refreshments. And her kids sound like they'd be so helpful...</p>
<p>momof2inca and andi,</p>
<p>The absolute best thing I could imagine this week, outside of some awesome acceptances for all of our kiddos, would be to meet all of you in person and share some champagne, good food, and LOTS of talk time! Andi, no need to bring ALL of the refreshments...we're big food lovers here, and my kids and I have a lot of fun whipping up party stuff! We make GREAT homemade salsa and other dips, and I am famous for my homemade pizza and bread. We'd entertain you all in good style, if you could get past the kid-friendly surroundings. It's pretty much of a madhouse around here! <em>lol</em> ~berurah</p>
<p>Berurah: I don't qualify for the champagne any more, as we and our S went through all of this last year. I identify with Latetoschool's comment early on:
[quote]
If your son's goal is a top-notch college education, he will be able to extract it and achieve at ANY school, by leveraging the opportunities he finds when he gets on campus.
[/quote]
,
with which you seem to have agreed several times. for example:
[quote]
there is NOT only one place that would do for our son, and we will look for the positives in whichever choice he makes for whichever reason he decides.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I never found out whether any one of the schools our S applied to was his dream school, except that it was not originally the one he now atends, and over time time it changed anyway. By April of last year, his results were: reach schools - 0 for 2 (including one legacy); match or match/reach schools - 3 for 5 (2 with partial scholarships); safteties: 4 for 4.</p>
<p>After a fair amount of comparison it came down to a choice between the two match schools with partial scholarships. By that time he knew definitely which school he wanted to attend, and (fortunately) it was one of these. Back when he began preparing the applications he had applied to it because it seemed OK and he could not think of a good reason not to.</p>
<p>Now he's been there almost a (college) year. It has been a match for him in all ways, not just on paper or in terms of the academics. He's doing excellently in classes, getting involved in activities, making many friends and finding many people who want to be friends of his. </p>
<p>I hope (and sort of expect) the same for your S. If he's admitted Duke, at a price that somehow can be met, he'll do fine. If not, his level of enthusiasm can readily be shifted a couple of degrees into another very good school (I was hoping to go to Michigan many years ago, but was waitlisted, then rejected. I wound up in a fine school that in all respects was better for me).</p>
<p>Best of luck with it all. May your son likewise be accepted at a school that is really a "match" for him. And when the champagne has ceased flowing, might be time to get together with your fellow parents where you are, whose kids all have gone through the process, and jointly sponsor a kiddush to celebrate all their accomplishments.</p>