<p>Deals with sports but easily translated to admissions.</p>
<p>I’ve posted before – it is really, really wise to prepare kids well before an event about the family manner in dealing with success and disappointment so that the kid has an established pattern to follow. </p>
<p>Success should be welcomed with words of appreciation for those that helped us attain success for success is rarely a solitary achievement. Success should also come with an awareness that others in the competition are not joyous – sometimes that requires compassion as well as awareness. </p>
<p>Disappointment is dealt with a few tissues and some ice cream – but not more than a day’s worth of boo-hooing (unless a loved one died). Life is just too precious to spend it with a stuffed up nose. </p>
<p>The pattern discussed prior to needing it really does help.</p>
<p>Good advice, Olymom. I think I’ll talk to DS about that in the morning!</p>
<p>Please note the link doesn’t work. But that’s OK; we can still talk about this topic.</p>
<p>To me, the key with respect to college admissions is to focus on the overall plan, and not on the one “dream” school at the top of the list. If the overall plan is well-thought-out (i.e., the list has sensible safeties, matches, and reaches) the PLAN will work, even if the applicant doesn 't get into the top reaches.</p>
<p>We encouraged our son to apply to several reaches, but we were careful to point out that this virtually guaranteed at least a few rejections. I think he gets that. He may harbor secret dreams of being accepted by everybody, but rationally, he knows how unlikely that is.</p>
<p>Most of my hopes are focused on that first envelope. It would be nice to start the process on an up note; after that, let the chips fall where they may. But either way, he will deal. He’s not a brooder, at least not about stuff like that. He’ll mope for a day or two and then be on to the next obsession.</p>
<p>We call the reach schools “lottery tickets”. Nice if you win, but not really something you expect…</p>
<p>I like the lottery ticket thinking! I think it also helps to discuss what is being observed, as in “I’ve read on line that some kids in some schools get totally wound up on this college admissions stuff. Are you seeing any group mania? Is it making you jittery?”</p>
<p>This can be followed by “I am so proud of the applications you put together. You are an amazing kid. I don’t know which doors will open or close next, but I want you to know that I think you are wonderful.” That definitely takes the edge off the mania.</p>
<p>I think it’s important not to believe that any one acceptance makes or breaks one’s life. Getting into an Ivy is NOT a reward for working hard and challenging oneself in HS. I have seen several folks on CC and IRL who were declined by a tippy top school, only to find the acceptance at the place that really fits.</p>
<p>It all works out. Our kids will not get interviews or job offers everywhere they apply after graduation, a BF/GF may break their heart, Orgo may kill the dreams of a pre-med. It’s important to teach kids resiliency, not just for the next month’s decisions, but for life in general.</p>
<p>Thinking back to my own college experiences, I was rejected from my first-choice schools, yet I don’t remember being that disappointed. It was more like “oh well.” But as a parent, I admit that I am more worried about how my son will feel if he doesn’t get into one of his top choices. Maybe I need to realize that he might very well have the same attitude that I did and that most of the anxiety is in my own head, not his.</p>
<p>Olymom, your advice about “ice cream and tissues” is spot on. If you have a disappointment, it’s good to feel it, own it, and then leave it behind. Ice cream and tissues is a great way to do that.</p>
<p>I actually told my daugther that and asked what kind of ice cream to have in the house and she told me that she is so genuinely pleased with the acceptances received from her safety schools and the love they’ve shown her that she has no possibility of being seriously disappointed. We feel incredibly blessed.</p>
<p>Your kids will become the same people regardless of which college they get to go to school at. It doesn’t matter if they go to Harvard, Princeton, or the state university, they will all turn out the same.</p>
<p>Now, they may enjoy Princeton more than Mississippi State University, but I don’t think it’ll hurt them at all if they don’t get in.</p>
<p>ZM, I think your D did an incredible job of finding schools she liked and who would love her back. She’s going to head off this fall without a glance backwards at the what-ifs!</p>
<p>How healthy it is to understand that there are not “winners” and “losers” – there are, instead, many paths, each with their merits and shortcomings. </p>
<p>I found some trust for admissions officers. They can know their school well. When son did not get into MIT, I was disappointed with him. But his activities were in debate and tennis and he is a much better fit at Dartmouth. He is as happy as can be. No regrets!</p>
<p>Son #2 is applying to completely different schools (much smaller) – a totally different shopping list, any one of which will work well.</p>
<p>In sports competition not every game is decided by a last second shot (or the East German judge), but with most college admissions it is one dramatic moment that tells an applicant whether he or she is in or out.</p>
<p>Particularly cruel are the admissions with a fin aid package that doesn’t allow the student to attend. After scoring a TD to win the game, the play is under review and ends up being reversed. A crummy FA package knocked out my son’s top choice 2 years ago, but the good news is that he loves where he ended up and can’t imagine being anywhere else.</p>
<p>Kids know how to celebrate on their own. As a parent I see my role as tempering expectations and being ready to provide support in the event of rejection.</p>
<p>Very wise words from Olymom. They should be on all our refrigerators.</p>
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<p>No, I’m quite certain that isn’t the case. They will tend to tilt toward the dominant student type of the school they attend. Their peer group will impact their goals and aspirations more than their faculty, their majors, or any other factor. That impact, however, could be for the better or not. They may be happier with the way they turn out after four years at State U as opposed to Princeton. And there are multiple college environments that can lead to similar outcomes. But the differing peer impacts will be significant.</p>
<p>“Life is just too precious to spend it with a stuffed up nose” </p>
<p>Love it. Thanks Olymom.</p>