<p>Attending a residential school, I have all my friends here in Ohio, but my parents live far away in Connecticut. My parents moved away a while ago, but I chose to stay in Ohio, so I have no sense of connection with CT. Since the ivy league I'm enrolled in is located in New England, chances are that I will very rarely get to see my friends in Ohio ever again, so I want to spend a portion of the summer in Ohio, living around, and relaxing before starting up.</p>
<p>I realize that going home is important and staying close to family is vital, but this is the final summer with my friends over here...and perhaps my last free summer because of internship/research stuff in the future. </p>
<p>Thus, two questions:</p>
<p>My gut tells me that "hanging out" with my friends will not prepare me well to enter college in the fall, but I do intend to catch up on some review for different subjects. So, what should high school students do the summer after senior year before beginning college? My parents want me to get EXPERIENCE at a job. They are very unwilling to let me stay in Ohio--for obvious reasons (shelter, other's parent's responsibilities with me living w/their household...). My parents also think I should go home to "think" about my future, to ponder what I want to do, and such...How may I convince them to allow me to stay in Ohio by myself for a good portion of the summer?</p>
<p>I guess that consisted of three questions =], but ANY suggestions/thoughts are welcome! Thanks for your time.</p>
<p>The best way to convince them, imho, is to pay for it yourself. Show them a plan that includes getting a job in Ohio, where you will stay, etc. </p>
<p>Or, limit the time to a couple of weeks with friends post graduation then head to the East Coast. Perhaps your Ohio friends might enjoy a visit with you in CT?</p>
<p>Line up a job in Ohio NOW. Since your parents want you to work, I think you could successfully argue that it would be harder for you to find work in a new community, where you won’t know anyone or have any references. If you can claim that you got your Ohio job through a local connection, such as saying that a teacher referred you or gave you a good recommendation… that will drive home the point. </p>
<p>Don’t give them a “plan” as rrah suggests – make it a done deal, with the job offer in hand – and be ready to offer up reasons why this particular job is a great opportunity and it would be irresponsible not to follow through on the commitment to take the job.</p>
<p>Also, have whichever parents you intend to stay with talk to your parents. That could allay some concerns about how you will be cared for, and what disruptions you may or may not make in their household.</p>
<p>Not that it will likely convince your parents, but I think the summer between high school and college is perhaps the last truly meaningless summer of your life. (The summer before you start grad school is also pretty meaningless, but only if you are actually going to grad school.) Apart from whatever money you need to make, for current or future expenses, there is no particular reason to HAVE to do anything, and certainly not resume padding. Personally, I spent mine hanging out with my mom and my friends, chasing girls, reading Proust, and doing occasional babysitting. It was great. It prepared me for college just fine (in part because it got a little old before it ended, and I was ready for a change).</p>
<p>I suggest presenting them with a concrete plan that involves at least some paid employment and at least four weeks pre-college with them.</p>
<p>xover - All the above suggestions are wonderful. Have a plan, get a job, take some responsibility for yourself, and thoroughly enjoy this respite from academics. (And BTW, congrats on your acceptance to a wonderful school.)</p>
<p>Permit me to address the “parent issue” or as I think of it “emotional blackmail.” You’ve been doing great by yourself in Ohio, and your parents have been hanging out in CT. This sounds harsh I know, but IMO your parents don’t miss you that much. They’ve done without your company for the last four years. Three months of sudden-found “togetherness” is apt to be (unnecessarily) stressful for you all. JMHO. Sorry.</p>
<p>Whoa, NewHope, that strikes me as quite harsh. The school the poster was in may have been the best school for him, and the parents may have had to move elsewhere for good reason (job, caring for a sick/elderly family member, etc.). Just as sending a kid off to a residential college doesn’t mean the parents won’t miss the kid, sending a kid off to a residential high school doesn’t, either.</p>
<p>It’s not only the last summer the OP is likely to be able to hang out with the friends in Ohio, it’s also the last summer the OP is likely to be able to hang out with his family.</p>
<p>Speaking as a parent, it sounds to me as if the parents did the kid a favor by allowing him to remain in a school he liked in Ohio, rather than making him transfer to a school near them. That certainly doesn’t mean that they don’t miss him! (Moreover, you have no indication whether “a while ago” is three months or two years!) If it did, no parents would ever let their kids go to college OR boarding school.</p>
<p>I think that the balanced plan JHS presents is a good idea.</p>
<p>Hmm, a parent who truly missed a distant child MIGHT have said:</p>
<p>“X, leaving you in Ohio was a really hard decision for us. We knew we’d miss you terribly, and we did. But you were doing so well at your school that we reluctantly agreed that leaving you there to finish HS was best for you. And that’s why we did it. Next year you’ll be busy with college and we don’t expect we’ll see you much. So we would really appreciate it if you could spend a few weeks with us this summer.”</p>
<p>Last summer was my S’s summer after his senior year in HS. His GF was in a situation much like OPs, she had attended a girl’s school that offered boarding in our home town (Dallas) for her last 2 years in HS after her parents moved to NY. </p>
<p>She wanted to spend the summer after graduation with my S and her friends in Dallas. She lined up a place to live with a woman who was acceptable to her parents in exchange for some baby sitting in the evenings and she got a job. Her parents may not have been thrilled, but with this in place, she did get to stay in Dallas.</p>
<p>Therefore, I agree with calmom’s approach. With a job a “done deal” and a reasonable living arrangement in place, everything but the “ponder your future” desire of your parents seems to be addressed.</p>
<p>As a parent who just experienced this, I think that HS graduated seniors experience a lot of emotional swings that summer as the reality of “the next step” starts to sink in. I know that not every student wants to share this with their parents. Likewise, that summer is a doozie for many parents as they come face to face with an over 18 adult child who is pulling away and looking forward to a new adventure that does not involve the parents like they had been involved before.</p>
<p>I am not sure that this mutual “pondering” of what lies ahead (yes, for both the student and the parents) necessarily benefits from living in the same house that last summer. Lots of emotions running around and often the student bugs the parents and vis versa.</p>
<p>But, you probably are going to need to plan to spend some time pre-college in Conn. to prepare logistically to move to college. You might consider that if you show some enthusiasm (real or fained) for having that time together it may make your parents angst less strong.</p>
<p>Our daughter was expected to work and pocket some spending money for college. She wrote and got grants for teaching in a large student-run urban summer program, which included a place to live and a stipend.</p>
<p>But that’s just us. It was assumed in our family that she was responsible for earning her own spending money in college.</p>
<p>I think you’ve gotten good suggestions. I do urge you to spend a few weeks with your parents before school starts. I don’t know which Ivy you’re at, but it seemed to me a lot of them start quite late, so you may have a fairly long summer.</p>
<p>Thanks for the replies…I have to deal with asian parents, so I don’t know whether that overcomplicates some perspectives I do agree that going home is essential, and when I attempt to ask for a longer stay in Ohio, all they respond with is, “You have too much to do at home,” i.e. I apparently have some unfinished chores/work at home…They mention work/job as one of those things, but I tell them that I can stay with a friend (who did agree) and work at a nearby fast food restaurant for the experience more so than the income. They’re not admitting so, but I feel that they are scared to let me go on my own since I’ve already been out of the house the past 3 years.</p>
<p>This is quite frustrating because I want to enjoy my last free summer. I don’t know whether this is a common conflict between parents and kids after high school graduation, but I really am beginning to resent my parents.</p>
<p>If you let your resentment control you, the arguments will just escalate until your parents set down an ultimatum. You have to sty cool, and on top of the negotiations.</p>
<p>Lay out your plans to work and live in Ohio, apply for the job, and have the head of the household where you plan to live talk to your parents. Promise to spend 2-3 weeks in August in CT before college starts. Give in on anything else small that pops up (agree to clean, paint, etc., when you are back home, whatever they think needs doing.)</p>
<p>It may work if you can convince them of your maturity and the soundness of your decision. But they have the upper hand, and you’ll have to work at winning this argument.</p>
<p>Make sure before you talk to them that you have scheduled some special time at home with them and that they know how much you are looking forward to living with them as a family once more, however temporary. They are already missing you, make sure they know you are missing them (even if you aren’t)</p>
I do agree that going home is essential, and when I attempt to ask for a longer stay in Ohio, all they respond with is, “You have too much to do at home,” i.e. I apparently have some unfinished chores/work at home…They mention work/job as one of those things, but I tell them that I can stay with a friend (who did agree) and work at a nearby fast food restaurant for the experience more so than the income. They’re not admitting so, but I feel that they are scared to let me go on my own since I’ve already been out of the house the past 3 years.</p>