<p>Mention lawyers. Even an obtuse housing director should get the hint. Your rights are being infringed on. Send him/her a list of all the things that have been done to you and your property, cc: dean of student affairs, provost, president and say that you have already contacted the media about this (well, CC is part of the media, isn't it)? You are not willing to tolerate any further danger to your life, limb and property. Insist that you be given new accommodations PRONTO.</p>
<p>Oh, and I hope you have retained the lovely note from your roommate. Take it to the police for fingerprinting. It's the roommates who should be dragged before some kind of disciplinary board, also ASAP.</p>
<p>If campus police will not respond, then go off-campus. I assume you have taken all this to the campus police? What responses have you gotten? You are being stonewalled with this mediation garbage. It's one thing to mediate a dog trespassing in your yard--another altogether to put up with being terrorized. </p>
<p>Don't let them downplay this situation. You are not being overly dramatic or anything of that sort! They have to protect you. Please do what Marite said. Mention lawyers and the media now. Insist on your rights as a free human being and a paying customer!</p>
<p>jam, WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS!!!!! I see no reason for mediation here, I see criminal action being taken against these idiots, I see you being threatened and in serious harms way, mediation will only aggravate the situation. now if it was a circumstance where nobody was cleaning the bathroom and the two of you had to be sat down to come up with a schedule, fine. but bullying and destroying private property? yeah, call the police in. I too would like to know what university this is because I won't be sending my daughter there. it almost sounds like what I went through with my son at J and W, only not as serious. walk your self over to the president of the college right now, do it. don't stop walking. remember, they just want you to go away, and are doing everything they can to make that happen. and I do agree with you, going back there next year could still put you in danger unless these guys are kicked out, as they should be. now, get on the phone, call your parents, and tell them to get there NOW. tell them I said so. and then walk your butt over to the presidents office. NOW</p>
<p>As a mom this makes me furious. As a lawyer it makes me want to pick up the phone myself and demand to speak to the president of the univeristy, if not go sit in his office till he sees me. One-size-fits-all rules do not apply to a situation where there is potential for physical harm, clear psychological abuse, and documented property damage. Mediation in this situation is useless and time consuming. Somebody has to have the authority to skip this needless (and in this case further abusive) step. It is indeed time for your parents to demand real action now. The university should be considering whether it will allow the roomates to remain in campus housing (or at the school at all), not making you go through meaningless steps meant only to satisy some stupid procedural model that can't possibly help.</p>
<p>Is there some reason why you CAN'T do just that, lalady--call on his behalf, I mean? If I could--if I were a lawyer--I'd do it.</p>
<p>Somebody has to do something for this young man. I know we're all seeing our own kids in him, and that's why we're all so furious, but it's a righteous fury that won't be quelled until some kind of justice is done. I wish he'd tell us where he is.</p>
<p>I agree ctymomteacher, but I want to know where his parents are. wouldn't you be sitting there with your child camped out on the presidents office steps?? I always told my son that if he ever runs across this kind of harrassment, he is to go to the nearest hotel, call me and I will pay for a room, and I will be right to him as quick as I can, just get out and don't risk any harm. Some people are just plain nuts, and you don't know what they will do. I am a tad angry at his parents that I haven't heard from him that they are there and dealing with it. jam, what's going on here?</p>
<p>Yes, I would be right there IF my son would tell me he had a problem. But having a son who likes to keep problems to himself (thus worrying me out of several years of my life!), I can't be too hard on jam's parents. I don't know how much he's told them.<br>
I hope they're on their way! I hope he's told them everything. I hope they've read this thread, for that matter. I hope the campus police and president have read this thread!</p>
<p>Jam has mentioned his parents. But I got the feeling he wanted their advice reinforced by CC parents. Let's keep in mind they may not be savvy about American colleges or colleges tout court, and would not know what a student is supposed to do in circumstances such as these. Whom is one supposed to contact? As well, it's easy to say, I'd drop everything and go to my child. They may have limited means, tight job schedules, etc... This morning, we had an emergency and just figuring out which of us could stay at home for the repairman entailed a major negotiation because neither of us felt we could drop our work... And we did not even have to go anywhere. Maybe jam will PM one of the parents and give more details of his location. we will perhaps be in a position to help.</p>
<p>Jam, Don't worry, the mediation is a step in the right direction. Most likely, it is protocol. You simply state and re-state that you do not feel safe living with the roommates. Do not waiver from that position. Do not get involved in petty arguments. State and restate your position. Give them time to come around to your position.</p>
<p>Remember, they have seen thousands of roommmate disputes and they may be desensitized. That doesn't matter. Keep you head about you and be firm. </p>
<p>The fact that they gave you emergency housing indicates that they do, in fact, regard the matter seriously.</p>
<p>And pleeeease follow up these conversations with emails to Dean of Students and Dean of School. Otherwise there may be no trace of the process. REcommend your parents do so as well.</p>
<p>The further I follow this thread and read about the inadequate and inappropriate response of your university, the more distressed I become. I hope that you are holding up well.</p>
<p>You (and your parents) contracted with the university to provide you with safe housing. I assume that there is some sort of agreement that students sign in order to take advantage of university housing, and that they may be disqualified from living there if they commit crimes such as using drugs on the premises or destruction of property or assault against their roommates. I wonder, then, why your roommates have been permitted to continue living in the room while you are exiled to the floor of a friend's room? The university would seem to violating its contractual obligation to you in a number of different ways. I wonder how university counsel would react if they realized the potential liability the university was incurring by handling your problem so badly?</p>
<p>As for mediation: It is grossly inappropriate for the victim of a crime to be asked to enter mediation with the perpetrators of the crime. Mediation makes sense when compromise is a reasonable solution. In your situation, there doesn't seem to be any compromise that assures your safety. You need another room. Period. If there is no other room available, then the perps (aka your roommates) need to be asked to leave the premises, a demand that the university would be justified in making based on drug-use, property damage, and threats of harm. Moreover, I'm concerned that if you enter mediation, this will give your roommates the message that they can do whatever they like (drug use, property damage, threats of harm, all in violation of the law) and the university will look the other way, tacitly protecting them, treating the situation as if it were a trivial tiff between roommates of good will. This could embolden them and expose you to greater danger should you remain in the room with them.</p>
<p>To my mind, the university has been given the opportunity to respond appropriately, fulfilling its obligations to you as a tenant and respecting your need for safe housing, and has failed miserably. It may be time for you to consult a lawyer to make sure that you can get through the rest of this school year without further incident.</p>
<p>Finally, where are you? Decisions of the kind that your university is making should be open to public scrutiny. If the university wouldn't be proud for the families of potential students to know of its actions, then it should take different actions. </p>
<p>I disagree with Cheers. There is nothing to mediate. It is not a matter od dispute or disagreement, but of harassment and endangerment. It is up to for the university to decide what to do with these thugs, but you have the right to a safe environment.
Stand firm, do not give in or back down, or allow this drag out. Insist that you have contracted for safe housing and yet you have every reason to feel endangered. You demand that accommodation be provided to you IMMEDIATELY so that you can concentrate on your studies and your looming finals. You are contacting a lawyer to advise you of your rights.
You may even want to say that, if you feel compelled to withdraw from the university, you will demand your full tuition back, plus damages, plus the opportunity costs involved in not being able to attend another university because of the late date for applying elsewhere.</p>
<p>I am not suggesting that mediation is the corredt response--far from it--but it IS a step toward resolution and MAy be part of institutional protocol. It is quite possible that they are using the 'mediation' to do further investigation. As they have offered him emergency housing, they have acknowledged the seriousness of his situation.</p>
<p>Universities are institutions. Even though one may hope for immediate and thoughtful resolutions, such is not always the case. Many many institutions are quite.....constipated. True?</p>
<p>I have often found myself in the midst of a protracted resolutions. It is my experience that a level head and positive attitude do pay off.</p>
<p>'Blasting' is terrific for excavation--but not helpful for successful negotiations or investigative procedures. </p>
<p>Thus my advice.</p>
<p>Jam is doing all the right things. He will come out alright--though it may take longer than he hoped.</p>
<p>From experience, I don't think it is so easy to toss out kids whose parents don't want them to be tossed out $$$$. Jam will have to co-exist with these nitwits on the campus at large--and I think he is capable of handling that situation.</p>
<p>It sounds as if you are blaming yourself for not having taken action sooner. Certainly, it would have been good if you could have done so, but last time I looked, there was no law requiring Americans to turn in criminals. Your roomates have committed a variety of crimes; you have not. And given the apparent indifference of the university at the point when they knew that drugs were being used in your room (as confirmed by the officers who came to the room and discovered the problem), and the weak response when you let authorities know about the ensuing threats and destruction of property, perhaps you correctly recognized that turning your roommates into the university might not have the desired result. After all, surely the officers turned your roommates in after finding them doing drugs on university property, and the university would appear to have done nothing to intervene either to control them or to protect you. I don't mean to justify your living with drug use in your room, but I do hope that you'll maintain perspective here. </p>
<p>Again, good luck! It sounds as if you're keeping your head and protecting yourself. I hope that parental support is forthcoming asap.</p>
<p>After I last posted, I went straight to the dean of the college, who (as you all said) couldn't believe the situation and the actions Housing was taking. He called them on my behalf.</p>
<p>I am halfway across the country from my parents, so they couldn't come out here to help (although they offered from the beginning and were going to come out anyway if I wasn't moved tonight), but after the second meeting in which the building director said I needed to do mediation, both my mom and dad started calling her to tell her that they refused to let me go back into the room, that if the University did not find a new room for me that they would put me in a hotel, and that the way in which it was all being handled made them and me question whether I should be at this school. When Housing was basically inept, they started calling the Office of Student Affairs and the President's Office.</p>
<p>Needless to say, at around 5pm, I was given a new permanent room. At that time, Housing still wanted me to do mediation, but I told them I wouldn't for fear of my own safety. Parents called again to back me up, as did our lawyer. Mediation was cancelled for today, but they are wanting to reschedule for next week. I am going to refuse to go again, I don't see the point of trying to "mediate" with these people when they are the ones responsible for everything, yet I am the one being punished.</p>
<p>I know a few of you wanted details on my school. PM me, and I will tell you, but I also wanted to make it clear that Housing was the only office that was completely inept and unhelpful. Every other office I went to was outraged and complained for me. My parents found the same thing. I don't want to discount this school because it is a great school, but a warning about problems in the Housing department and a heads up about how to deal with them is probably necessary.</p>
<p>Thanks so much for all your help. I will be moving out today into my permanent room, which is on the other side of campus. The school is big enough that I can avoid them without any problem, but if something happens, both the school and the police on campus have records of their behavior. Thanks again, and if you want info on my school, just PM me.</p>
<p>Thanks for the update, Jam. I am glad that the dean realized the situation. You are right to refuse mediation. You can say that the only session you would agree to is one where you would lay out, in front of the police (and not just the campus police) all the instances of harassment that you have been subjected to and for which you would demand redress from both the perpetrators and the university.
Those morons who shared your room should be discipline and perhaps ejected from the campus. They are borderline criminal. In the meantime, they may try to make your life miserable still, so make sure to watch your back. Don't go out by yourself. BE SAFE!</p>
<p>I am so glad to hear you are safe and in another room. now concentrate on studies and do well. I also agree to no mediation, only that you be compensated for the damage to your items and an official apology from the kids and housing. and that these idiots be censured in some manner, if not thrown out. Parents, this is a great thread that jam has led us to. Having dealt with this with my son, again, not as serious, I know how the college thinks. they don't want to hear from parents, in fact they called me "tiresome" after my many many calls to move my son out of his room. they feel that once that kid is in college, they are an adult and must do everything for themselves. the problem with that thinking is that it is ludacris, (not sure of that spelling). These are kids we have protected for their whole lives who now have to negotiate difficult circumstances, deal with idiots like the above and not quite sure how to , or of the danger they could be facing. you and I want to run and help this kid, and I am glad to hear that jam said his parents were willing to do that. but it is us as parents who must force these colleges to talk to us, force the law makers to change the laws so we can know what is going on with our 18 year old child that is off in a far away place, not quite sure of their path. I think it is clear that we all need much communication with our children, read between the lines when they talk to us and definitely, always have a contingency plans in case events like this happen, (a hotel they will go to, an emergency credit card or knowing that the hotel will cooperate if your child shows up there, etc). my son and I received the same response from housing that jam did, they couldn't care less, we were bothering them, we can't move him, somehow it was all my son's fault, they were doing everything they could, (which was nothing) and on and on hoping we would just go away. well we didn't. that is where the laws need to be, that these schools need to protect and enforce rules of conduct. my son's ex room mate was drinking in his room, strictly forbidden and grounds for immediate expulsion. what happened to him when I complained? "everybody makes mistakes, we won't throw somebody out just for that". oh, OK. so my son can now also drink in his room (although he wouldn't), break the rules and I would expect that nothing would happen to him? what kind of example is that setting. I hope that jam and his parents continue to take this to the top so these kids are expelled, because their behavior is not appropriate and will not serve them well in the future. they must suffer the consequences of their actions. good on you jam for going to the dean of the college. take this experience with you and use it again if need be.</p>