<p>Idler, what you just said about Vassar helps a bit because it's also true of Tulane, where my son is going. I've never seen a campus so full of friendly people--all happy to stop and tell us about what they were doing and why they were happy to be doing it. It helps to know that my son will be among that kind of people next year.</p>
<p>GK50, the best way to get through this is to realize you are going to be emotional, it is OK to be emotional, and let it happen. It is normal.</p>
<p>GK50, We are also Californians with a son finishing his first year at a college in NY. I won't lie. The separation is hard, especially not being able to go see his performances after years of arranging our social lives around them. </p>
<p>On the other hand, as people have pointed out, electronics are amazing these days. He has unlimited long distance on his cell phone and, though we rarely have long conversations, he phones at least once a week and quite often more than that to ask a question or tell us something. I've talked to him while he's at the dining hall, in the laundry room, at a shoe store, walking to class, at the dry cleaners, while he's buying a pizza slice, etc etc. So, I'm not only hearing him, but snippets of the life he's living.</p>
<p>We do some e-mailing, but more often, Instant Message. I go on there just to read his away messages, which often say what he's doing at the time. Even knowing how long his IM has been idle, at least tells me he's alive no matter what he was doing on a Thursday or Friday night.:) </p>
<p>He is coming back this summer, but we expect it will be the last. Given the hours he keeps at school, I suspect that by the end of the summer we will all be a little more ready for the separation than when he first went off to college. :) On the other hand, I'm not sure we will lose him to the East Coast forever. He's not crazy about the weather!</p>
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On the other hand, I'm not sure we will lose him to the East Coast forever. He's not crazy about the weather!
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<pre><code>It seems that California kids, while loving the experience of the east coast, really appreciate the west once they are away for awhile. I wouldn't worry too much about them settling down in the east. It's beautiful in the fall and summer, but fall is short, and by the time summer hits, they're gone. Most of the time it's cold and barren, which lasts for months. I would be very surprised if my D stayed in the east, in spite of the wonderful culture and opportunity. There's something about California...
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<p>One positive aspect of your firstborn leaving that I don't think anyone mentioned is the quality time you get to spend with the remaining kid (s) at home. Space opens up in the family for others to bloom.</p>
<p>Not only will I be seeing my first child off to college in Mass from TX, but I will be seeing my ONLY child off. I am terribly proud of DD and even encouraged her to leave the state. I wanted her to get away and grow, mature as an adult. This is what we raise them for. I also have the added knowledge htat my DD hates the heat and chose the north for the cold and snow! She never wants to move back to TX. Yet, it is my DD who is having the palpitations worrying because she hasn't been away from me for more than 2 weeks at any one time! I have been calming her, and telling her that she will do great - she is great, and this is a part of passage. I will keep up that stoic face until I get on the plane and she can no longer see me to cry very hard - I will in one fell swoop have seen of my first off child to college and truly be an empty nester - both parents deceased, and single!</p>
<p>evitajr1-</p>
<p>you are giving your DD a wonderful gift...how tough it must be for you. I have a feeling you will never be sorry, though. {{HUG}} The growth and joy she experiences will be your reward.</p>
<p>evitajr - yes, the only or last child is much more difficult. You sound so brave -your D is lucky to have a parent that puts her childs needs so clearly ahead of her own. She will do well, and when she sees that you will do well too, she will be free to spread her wings without regret of leaving. Best wishes to you!</p>
<p>I can beat sac's list of random places his son has been during phone calls. For some reason, my son often calls from the bathroom in his dorm :) I have learned to recognize the echoing sound so I know when he is in there, and I tell him to move to a place where I won't hear that echo.</p>
<p>Evitar: You could be me, except my only child is an S, not a D...and I've spent since he was 2 dreading August 19, 2005--the day we will leave to take him to college...I promised him I wouldn't say where he's going (and all regular readers could figure it out if I posted how far away it is from here) til we send in the reply card (probably tomorrow)...let's just say it's far enough away to be significant...</p>
<p>My dad is still alive, thankfully...but I'm also a single mom (and have been since he was 9 months old)...he's the joy and pride of my life...the transition when he leaves is going to be very hard--I suspect for both of us. But I'm convinced down to my toenails that our relationship, which is close and loving and relatively conflict-free, will survive --and thrive-- just fine, wherever he winds up (or I do) when the separation process is complete.</p>
<p>Anyway...I've already adopted Berurah & Committed 2Duke (w/out too much kicking and screaming from them); can I adopt you, too? I have an extremely good shoulder for crying on...and you & I will "get it" --how we're each feeling--so completely come August...</p>
<p>But we WILL be fine...I'm sure of it! There's a big and wonderful world out there, just waiting for us to explore while our kids are out doing their own exploring...and they'll love us just as much (and visa versa) or maybe even more...</p>
<p>Which doesn't mean I won't cry my eyes out as I leave 8/20 (or maybe 8/21)...I'm thinking I'd best pack his stuff and ship it, and fly us there...I surely won't be able to drive after the final good bye. The mere thought now sends shudders up & down my spine!</p>
<p>I think CC will help a lot, too...first-born, only-born, last-born or somewhere in the middle, it's not going to be easy for any loving parent-child to cut that first tie...I suspect we'll wind up needing each other on this Board even more come August than we did right before app deadline and/or decision-time!</p>
<p>Evitajr, your post hit me hard, as I'm in the exact same boat as you (deceased parents, single). My DD is going from Florida to DC, and I know I'm going to have a hard time with it. </p>
<p>I will confess that last year I went through a six month period of denial by simply stating to anyone and everyone that it didn't matter what school she picked; I'd simply move somewhere near that college!!! Thankfully for her, I came to my senses! I cannot convey how thrilled I am for her, and all the opportunities she has in store - like so many other parents have said, I truly wish I could have the same experience (although I'd pick Brown for myself :) ).</p>
<p>Her drop off date is Aug 27th, but her 18th Bday is the 28th, so I will have to stay in town for that. Truthfully, the biggest thing I'm dreading at this point is the 18 hour drive home by myself. It will be so lonely and tearful!!!</p>
<p>This board will be my outlet, so I'll be looking for a lot of emotional support - and happy to "be there" for everyone else, too! We'll get through this together.</p>
<p>cnb - Thanks for the book tip. I'll check it out.</p>
<p>What with e-mail, IM, cell phones, Parents Weekends, and Jet Blue, California isn't as far away as it used to be.</p>
<p>My son is in his second year at USC. He talks to us when it serves his purposes. It wouldn't be any different if he was at UVA or UNC, two other schools near our home in Fairfax County.</p>
<p>Redr002 (and Evitajr, I'm sorry I spelled your name wrong!): Join our "single mom w/an only child leaving for college club"...plus, I'm in DC...you can come hang out here (and take your DD out to lunch or dinner) any time you'd like!</p>
<p>I understand. Mine's an only, too. That's what makes it so hard. I still want him to go, though. It's what HE needs, though not what I need.</p>
<p>Still, I have once or twice found myself looking through those racks of slinky nightgowns--you know, the kind you can't wear with a son in the house? Maybe there's a upside to this somewhere that will matter after the tears have dried the first few times.</p>
<p>With twins, I'll be sending both of my daughters off to different parts of the country - at the same time. I cannot imagine how hard this is really going to be. And I'm so happy for them - even the one who hasn't made up her mind yet. Neither has chosen what I originally thought would be a good option, but they are both going to end up at places where they belong.</p>
<p>I'll start the cross country crying tour any day now.</p>
<p>My daughter is coming home today after her first year of college. I talked with her this morning and was just shocked at her maturity.
I was depressed when she left last August. Now,
I am very excited to see her and I am shocked to see how much her younger brother wants to see her.
They are still part of our lives. It is different. I am looking forward to seeing how life plays out.</p>
<p>My mother, who sent four kids 800+ miles away for college, readily admits that if she had her way, we'd all still be sleeping in the cradle at the foot of her bed. She did adjust, though, especially when she saw how much good the first year away from home did for each of us.</p>
<p>After the initial shock, the time goes quickly, (Most colleges only have a 30 week school year - that leaves 22 weeks for your kid to be home or travelling) and before you know it, they're back! (Using lots of shampoo, staying out until all hours of the night then coming in and waking you up by shutting the door too loudly.) The transition to "gone for good" is going to take years, and you might even find yourself one of the lucky parents (?) with a unemployed college graduate living at home. LOL!</p>
<p>I am not crying - I am so happy for my S because he is so ready for this new phase of his life. </p>
<p>I remember my own college years as such a wonderful time, and I am thrilled that he is at that point now. I felt the same way when my D left. By sophomore year of HS, I could see that she would love college as much as she hated her suburban HS. So while I was sad, and very aware of the milestone of her going away to college, I was also just delighted that she was off to her top choice school, affordable thanks to the merit money she received. And now we are about in the same place with our S. He too is off to his first choice, with merit money, and he too is so ready. </p>
<p>As for me, I'll miss him, for sure, but after being mostly a stay-at-home mom for many years, I am looking forward to what may be next for me, too. And my H and I have had a few tastes of what it will be like once S is gone, and we like it. It is lovely to no longer be tied to the academic and athletic calendars; the dinners timed around S's ECs and homework commitments. It will be easier to go to those weekday lectures and concerts we rarely manage to get to, because we're watching a game, attending a school event, or getting a late dinner on the table for a busy kid who is only arriving home at 8 or 9. </p>
<p>Guess I am in the minority, but when I cry, it is tears of joy!</p>
<p>Joining the minority report of wish<em>it</em>was_april and Isandin. Only tears of joy here. </p>
<p>The worry for S was alleviated (maybe not eliminated) by seeing him on the campus at an admitted student day after he had already decided, totally engaged and happy. I wish that for all of you - at drop-off time, or maybe at Parent Weekend.</p>
<p>Allowing for the possibility of some denial, will reserve the right to cry in August. :o</p>
<p>Your wishes made me cry! Thank you so much for all your understanding. It's tough to let go, but I know that is my job as a mother. I will be here crying on someone's shoulder in August, and letting you all cry on mine, as well. It's good to know we are a support for each other.<br>
DC, here I come!!!!!!
And, yes, let's start a support group for single parents of onlies who are empty nesters. (But everyone wlse will be honorary members, because all the CCers are family.)</p>