<p>The best thing for me on move in day for my son was the declaration, in my son's orientation guide for Carnegie Mellon:</p>
<p>5:30--PARENTS SAY GOODBYE</p>
<p>I believe it was in capital letters even. So there was no stretching it out, just hundreds of hugging parents and kids, all trying to look brave. I'll never forget it. As someone said music can be a killer. I lost it somewhere on the 6 hour ride home, in a thunderstorm, when "We are the Champions" by Queen came on the radio, a favorite of both of us, and had to pull over.</p>
<p>Now I have a reverse problem: I developed a real affinity for Pittsburgh especially the university area and visiting him there, so I have to deal with that, and he graduates next month. Believe me your kids will need you almost as much as ever, and your relationship will grow as they mature. A little distance between you isn't necessarily all bad.</p>
<p>dstark: Enjoy your D's summer. It's a nice long one due to the generous scheduling of UMich. Doesn't she just love being done on April 25th!</p>
<p>We became empty nesters this year. It was a bit tougher having D leave than S. We were excited for both, and both were anxious to get going and kicked us out ASAP after their respective move-ins. Our reward was seeing their enthusiasm and excitement. After that, it took us all of 5 minutes to adjust to the empty nest. Yes, we miss them, but we have a new life too!</p>
<p>overanxious, yeah, a club! I have a feeling we'll be having daily meetings this fall!!! :) </p>
<p>Thanks-might take you up on that!</p>
<p>D is SO excited to be going to DC! I have one salvation - my best friend's son is going to GW, so the kids will only be 10 minutes apart (GW to GU). And she and I will have fun visiting the kids from time to time.</p>
<p>Reading all of this reminds me of a quote from a novel I once read (don't remember the name). One person comments to the other about the difficulties with raising children these days. The other responds "Oh, I thought the idea was to raise adults." </p>
<p>I'm amazed at all the responses... it helps just to see you're not the only one going through this process. I know in the long run this will be milestone in our lives that will be incredibly positive, but I'm also sure tears will be shed on Aug. 25th! I'll show this thread to my wife on the next 'good' day and I'm sure it will help!</p>
<p>While I am feeling OK (as I posted above) I do think that single moms of onlies - and dads too - are in a very different situation. At S's school, there is a dad who is a huge supporter of the lacrosse team. To enable the coaches and kids to see films of their well ranked opponents, this dad manages to drive to other schools' games to video them. That includes schools many hours away. Dad was made an unofficial "coach" because of his enormous help. He and his son are very close. And I have thought often that next year will be a huge adjustment for him.... and his son is going very far away. So my heart goes out to you all! You will do fine, but those tears are justified!</p>
<p>I was trying so hard not to cry in front of my D last August. But when I couldn't find the building where the "Sepation Anxiety for Parents" talk was being held, I just broke down. Guess I really needed that talk! Taking her back to the airport at T'giving was difficult too. Winter break was a month long & after a month of staying out until all hours and then shutting the door too loudly H & I were ready for a some peace and quiet!</p>
<p>I am sending my 3rd and last child off to Barnard this fall...my baby girl! Her two older brothers attending the State school here and have done well there...but her desired major (dance) was just not very strong there. So, off to NY and the realization of her dreams. I have had a "blue" couple of days (and I know there are many, many more tears to come), but in my heart of hearts, I know this is right for her. And I am excited to get to know and become friends with the wonderful adult she is becomming. </p>
<p>My wise father told me, as I was having trouble dealing (as a very young mother) with the need for placing my oldest in daycare when he was a baby, that parenthood is a process of learning to let go. It begins at birth and moves through all the various stages of childhood/adolescence. Both parent and child must learn...this is just a big, very visible "letting go"...and you want to be sure to let go at the right time: too early and they cannot yet stand; too late and they are weakened by your continued support... See, in this situation, we are all pretty sure, I think, that it is TIME!</p>
<p>Aw, Kriket...I didn't even see that talk on the schedule.</p>
<p>GK50, for one reason or another, my D and were "doing stuff" until just about the last moment. There wasn't a "Parents Say Goodbye" item on the schedule but you could see there was parent-inclusive stuff until the early afternoon and student-only stuff in the early evening and you could figure that somewhere in between marked the fall of the Roman empire. </p>
<p>That night was one of the tougher for <em>me</em> in my life. (TheMom stayed home...everyone figured that <em>two</em> parents doing move-in was one too many). </p>
<p>But as everyone says, phone calls, e-mail, IM fill in the gaps. The pattern of phone calls was funny and predictable: almost every day or two for the first couple of weeks and then dwindling off, with "I've got to study" and "Don't you know I can't talk on Thursdays?" coming in.
Still get calls once a week, maybe twice.</p>
<p>When we visited for Parents Weekend, our D was as much at home on campus as the squirrels scampering across the lawn...and the affect was similar.</p>
<p>Have had experiences similar to DStark's: seeing my D come down the airport escalator at Thanksgiving wasn't seeing a high school girl, it was seeing a poised young woman.</p>
<p>The tears come occasionally for me. D and I have always been close. But I'm very excited for her to be moving on and growing up. It sure helps to read about others who feel the same. For now her departure is far enough away that I am able to deny that it's going to happen so that I'm not sad too much.</p>
<p>She told me the other day that she doesn't worry too much about not being the smartest (she won't be the smartest, it's just that she's not worried about that), just that it will be so tiring for her to look around and not see any of the familiar faces she is used to seeing on a daily basis. She knows that the new faces will soon become familiar but she said that it just isn't the same as seeing those faces that she grew up with.</p>
<p>We were at the National Honor Society induction at her school last night. Every year they do this very special video where each graduating senior turns in a baby picture and a senior picture. The baby picture is displayed first on a huge theater screen and then about five seconds later, after you have a chance to guess who the young child or baby is, the name appears below the picture and then the picture changes over to the senior picture. It was amazing how many of the baby pictures were correctly identified by my d. I could only identify my d's baby picture. I asked her how she was able to identify so many pictures. She replied, "I've known those people for so long". I feel proud of myself that only a few tears were quietly shed by me last night. She teared up when a few of her best friends' pictures were projected onto the screen. She said she'll really miss some of those people.</p>
<p>But knowing her IM ing habits, I'm sure she'll keep in touch with them and with me.</p>
<p>My son will be leaving NY and heading to California. I am so excited for his chance to live his dream. His dad is having a tougher time of it than I am. I admit that I do have a knot in my stomach but I have always told my kids to "think big" because there is a great bit world out there.</p>
<p>My niece (an only child) left NY to attend college and guess what? Her parents followed the poor kid! They moved within 15 minutes of the college.</p>
<p>It's amusing to see how the colleges handle the Parent Separation issue. They have probably seen it all! Duke has info about their orientation and move-in day. Move-in day is on a Wednesday, and orientation (with some programs for parents) is on Wednesday and Thursday. They have a note for the parents that they are "encouraged" to leave by 2 p.m. on Thursday! </p>
<p>Twistedsis: there were parents at a college parent session we attended who asked the parents on the panel if they should buy a condo nearby. They were worried about their child because he had never lived in the area and they thought it would help him adjust to it if they were living in the town. No one laughed, but I know there were many people biting their tongues to avoid doing so!</p>
<p>Coming from a student perspective...
I think going away is hard on everybody. I remember I had fears that I wouldn't fit in with the other kids at Georgetown. Then I got to school and realized that everybody living on my freshmen floor had gone to private school EXCEPT ME!! Yeah that didn't help any. My freshmen year of college was the hardest experience of my life and my parents tried to help whenever I would call home but with 2000 miles between us it really didn't do much. It meant a lot just knowing that they cared though. In the end I got through it and have to say that it was the most eye opening experience of my life. I definitely would not be the person I am today if I had stayed close to home for college. And yes, I will be going back home in two years when I finish graduate school. Sometimes leaving is the only thing you can do to make you truly appreciate what you always had.
As for my parents, I know they were disappointed and didn't want to see me leave. I'm the baby of the family so my mom went on this kick about how she needs to have another baby. She settled for moving from teaching fifth grade to kinder at her elementary school and I bought her a cat. I think the biggest issue now is just them realizing that I'm not a little high school kid anymore. Living on your own for four years teaches you a lot.</p>