<p>I thought we agreed on that point though. A standardized definition of cheating is essentially irrelevant because everybody's reaction would be different, and you should not base your belief of what is 'right' or 'wrong' off of a technicality as the definition would be. As you have quoted before, we all have our own set of beliefs built on our morals and life experiences.</p>
<p>Cheating should only be when the person is physically involved...logically. Because...you develop emotional relationships with your friends, family, blabla. You can get it anywhere really. But you only share yourself with the person in your relationship, besides looking at porno. It's what distinguishes that person from everyone else. What I forgot about are the people who have sex with a bunch of different people. Which is why I quoted that.</p>
<p>But that's also just from my view, I suppose it depends on the relationship. In my opinion if a guy is emotionally involved with a second girl anyways he is probably using the first one for sex. I don't know what you would call that. It's a broken relationship in the first place so it shouldn't be cheating.</p>
<p>I’d consider it cheating if my BF fell in love with another person (woman or man) and hid it from me. Now, if he told me as soon as he realized it was happening, I’d probably break up with him, but I wouldn’t consider it cheating; in the same way that breaking up with someone because you want to have sex with other people is not cheating if you have not actually done it yet.</p>
<p>But if he was in love with anther girl and she with him, and they said “I love you” and all that, and he hid it for a long time while still being with me, I’d consider that cheating. Indeed, I’d venture to say that it would hurt me more than a one time drunk fling with some random girl. </p>
<p>That said, I have no problems with my BF having close relationships with other girls, because I have absolute trust that they are just platonic, in the same way my close relationships with other guys are. But, basically, if one day I were to find out that those walks he takes with X were actually filled with professions of love instead of chat about the club they are in together, I’d definitely consider that cheating.</p>
<p>If you don't break the plane, its not a touchdown.</p>
<p>
<p>Bacchanalia - And I really resent being told that I can never have a healthy relationship because I'm an angry, insecure feminist. You don't know me at all...you don't know who I am, where I live or a thing about my personal life. Personally, I think you're probably an ugly dude who hates women because he can't get any...but that's just me.
Uhh, it's none of the GF's business who her BF chooses to associate with or live with. From a guy's POV: if a close friend and our current GF don't get along, then we just hang out with them both at different times. If anything, the guy is more likely to trust a close friend he's known his whole life than some girl he's just recently started dating. College relationships DO NOT TAKE PRECEDENCE over friendships. It's not like you're married or anything.</p>
<p>I seem to have hit a nerve. Don't worry, you'll find a boyfriend someday I'm sure.</p>
<p>I think it's different for every guy. Cause if I showed what you just said to any of my past bf's (and my current), their response would be amusement. Not about the associate part, I would never try to restrict who my boyfriend hangs out with. But who he lives with can be important. And it is very much so my business, as when we hung out together he'd always have to come to my place (which may become a nuisance depending on my living situation at the time), and we would have to go out of our way to avoid his place. </p>
<p>I guess I've just been lucky that my boyfriends have been as serious about relationships as I am. I can see what you are saying if you were talking about a random fling or someone you were just messing around with. But not a boyfriend.</p>
<p>Bacchanalia: My boyfriend has not known this girl his whole life, they met in college, about half a year before he met me (I'm younger). He also didn't recently start dating me. I will admit at the time my boyfriend made the decision, he didn't know how long our relationship would last (maybe that changes things, maybe not). But, our relationship has lasted quite a while. No, I'm not married to my boyfriend, but I'd like him to take our relationship seriously and not have some girl other be more important to him at this point, and I do think I'm the most important girl in his life at this point. I don't plan on getting married till I'm at least 25, but I'd like to think the long-term relationship I'm in is more serious than "college fun." I'm not one into hook-ups and flings.</p>
<p>I didn't post earlier because I didn't want my relationship problems being too publicly discussed on a forum. However, I especially appreciated horsegirl1050's post among a few others, not that I agreed with them all, but because she and the few others were genuinely trying to help. I'm sure any person horsegirl1050 dates in the future / is dating appreciates her honesty and genuine care for others. Besides, she obviously knows what's good for her, so I'm sure she'll find / has found the perfect guy for her.</p>
<p>To answer a few questions / make a few comments: I never claimed my boyfriend was emotionally cheating on me, and I honestly know he hasn't cheated on me in any form, but I was just commenting in the topic of the thread.
Yes, I definitely let my boyfriend know that I had a problem with the situation (maybe some people would consider it guilt-tripping, but I doubt I caused him much guilt, just argument), but I found out when it was almost too late to change things, even though they weren't set in stone. I probably should have let the girl know that I absolutely was not happy with the situation (and before anyone guilt-trips me over this, I really regret not being...less sweet...I'm really too nice sometimes, but thanks to all who said I sounded sweet, hehe), and I did let her know I was having problems and might break up with my boyfriend over it, but it didn't change anything. She told me to try dealing with it cause we seem to have a good thing going.</p>
<p>I think the thing that bothers me the most is that my boyfriend is one of the most honest people I know, and I always thought he'd tell me anything big, and he has, with this one big exception. I really do care about him, and this might be an unpopular decision, but I'm definitely giving him another chance when I get back to school (I'm currently abroad, halfway around the world...not exactly a great place to make drastic relationship decisions), but I 'll keep everyone's advice in mind. And thanks!</p>
<p>Note: I completely trust my boyfriend. The thing that bothers me most is that the living together relationship is something I feel is a relationship you build with your girlfriend, if we're going along the lines of two people with different genders living together, alone. I realized this first hand when I was living with a guy friend for a couple weeks while in-between moving from my dorm to an apartment. You build this relationship of relying on each other for being responsible and having the comfort of knowing the person is in the other room. That aside, just the moving in step with my boyfriend is very important to me...mostly because unless my beliefs change, it's something reserved for me and after marriage. Maybe not everyone finds this important, but I do, and I guess therefore that's important for a relationship that I'm in.</p>
<p>Bacchanalia
"Uhh, it's none of the GF's business who her BF chooses to associate with or live with. From a guy's POV: if a close friend and our current GF don't get along, then we just hang out with them both at different times. If anything, the guy is more likely to trust a close friend he's known his whole life than some girl he's just recently started dating. College relationships DO NOT TAKE PRECEDENCE over friendships. It's not like you're married or anything."</p>
<p>And the EXACT same rule would apply to your GF, correct? If she were in that scenario, you'd think the exact same thing?</p>
<p>
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Uhh, it's none of the GF's business who her BF chooses to associate with or live with.
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<p>take note, the building blocks to a strong relationship right there...</p>
<p>i'm all for not selling out your friends for a girl, but if your dating someone, and you want to continue doing so, living with someone they hate(male or female) isn't going to work out well.</p>
<p>IF you value the friendship, then you would either drop the girl or explain to her how important it is that they come to terms with one another.</p>
<p>christine, I think that was really rude that you went to his friend and told her that you were considering breaking up with your boyfriend because she and he were going to live together. If there was any chance that you and she would eventually get along, that probably killed it.</p>
<p>I doubt she was conspiring to hurt you, and you have now placed her in a very, very difficult situation where her housing (which is probably too late to change easily) is a liability to one of her friends, and there may have been nothing she could have done to prevent this (i.e. if no one informed her that this would be an issue with you).</p>
<p>I didn't say it in a mean way. I told you that I really couldn't stand the situation, even though I tried, and I might end the relationship because of it. She already suspected I had problems without me even saying anything.</p>
<p>Anyways, maybe it was rude, but seriously, I said it in a nice way. It was after a lunch I had with her...during which I said I was fine with the situation...because...gah...</p>
<p>it doesn't matter how you say it. She suspected it because i'm sure she's a fairly normal person. I'm certainly not saying you don't have a right to be upset, but it's not her fault you're in this situation, so there's absolutely no reason to put forth an effort to directly make her life more difficult.</p>
<p>Honestly, I do blame her a little bit. She's normal enough so that she'd know I'd have a problem with the situation. She's also a girl, so she probably (not stereotyping) knew she'd be upset with the situation. Yet, and she told me this, she begged my boyfriend to live with her the next year when she found out he was staying an extra year (he was originally planning on graduating early). And they were both excited about it. I guess the thing was I was incredibly depressed about the situation, and I really wanted it to change. And I really wish it did at that point because, believe me, I haven't ever felt that depressed for a whole semester (I'd cried twice in the years before that...and for some reason I resorted to daily crying...maybe I'm going through menopause or something.) No excuses, though, right?</p>
<p>Okay, fine, I'm unfair. I am selfish. I'll admit. I've actually never felt like such a bad person in my life before this situation, really (and I the same time I need to get out of the habit of saying I'm a bad person). My boyfriend was excited about living with this girl, and he thinks I should respect him wanting to live with her. I don't know what's more important, my feelings being hurt or him being happy. But goodness, I can't help it but really wish this didn't happen to me.</p>
<p>Sigh. I know religion isn't really popular at this day and age, but I did pray that I'd come to love her last night. (I really love people...and I can't stand having such negative thoughts about someone. But I will admit, the prayer felt like it was killing my insides.)</p>
<p>Honey, now that you've made your decision, try to be happy with it. If you can't, then it might be better just to end it now, because this will be going on for an entire year. And the only way you'll be able to be ok for the entire year is if you accept the situation and stop feeling so horrible about it.</p>
<p>Okay, I will =]. Thanks a lot. (hopes this quick fix works...please please, work, hehe)</p>
<p>I don't think you should feel bad at all. In my opinion, your boyfriend was completely inconsiderate of your feelings. And I do think it's inappropriate for him to be living with her. If there were other people living in the house with them, it would be another story. I'm not saying you should break up with him over this, but if it makes you feel bad, that's totally legit, and you should tell him that he has no right to make you feel bad because of how you feel.</p>
<p>I'm going off on a tangent, but...
Someone mentioned that relationship with a girlfriend does not come before relationship with a close friend, in college. Of course, I understand and agree with this, but I am curious--when is that no longer true? Obviously, your wife/husband must come before your friends, but do you automatically make that change in 'hierarchy' once you tie the knot? When does the whole "chicks before dicks" (sorry I had to use that), etc. go away, and it's considered 'okay' to put your girlfriend before your friends?</p>
<p>Ideally, your significant other IS your closest friend, thus solving the dilemma.</p>
<p>LOL by all these "physical" and whatever definitions of cheating I suppose my SO and I are only good friends of opposite sexes. We've never (and don't plan to anytime soon) done anything physical.</p>
<p>My best friend's bf went to college this year (thousands of miles away from her) and before he left she told him that he should not feel she is a hindrance to his meeting other girls. She told him that she's sure there are plenty of other girls out there who are better matches for him and when he finds one just let her know and she'll back off. Meanwhile she'll stay his SO. Lol. Isn't that funny? I mean I love her but what kind of person says that?</p>