<p>I agree with Bacc. How come guys cannot have any close relationships with anyone else?</p>
<p>No one said that. o_0</p>
<p>Or at least, that's my interpretation. I'd just prefer if I was apart of my boyfriend's life enough that he'd include me in important decisions, and at least be considerate of how it would effect me. Whether or not we slap the label of 'cheating' on it is really irrelevant. In the end, "physical" cheating and if he did not do what I just said above (including me/being considerate), my reaction would be the same. Dump the ass.</p>
<p>You guys bring up valid points, but try to limit the name-calling, here.</p>
<p>I would say that cheating is anything that would indicate a lack of loyalty to your girl/boyfriend. Having close friends of the opposite sex is not cheating. Having a slight attraction for another man or woman is not necessarily cheating, either. </p>
<p>Physical cheating is pretty obvious and I think most people can agree on the definitions in general, give or take.</p>
<p>Emotional cheating is harder to define. Is having a close, loving relationship with a friend of the opposite sex cheating? I'd venture to say no. I have a girlfriend, but I can name a few girls who I am also extremely close to. I would even say that I love them, but the kind of love I have for them is not the same I have for my girlfriend. It's not a "romantic love," of sorts, but a deeper "platonic love."</p>
<p>I think emotional cheating comes into play when there are emotional functions given to others that should be primarily reserved for you, much like physical cheating is when physical functions are given to others that should be given to you. Both cases would indicate a "lack of loyalty" in the relationship.</p>
<p>I mean, the term "emotional cheating" is a little funny to me, because I normally associate "cheating" with the physical. Crossing physical boundaries is a clear violation because it's something you would only do with your boy/girlfriend.</p>
<p>But what if I confide in an old friend? Am I only allowed to confide in my girlfriend? What about confiding in my girlfriend as well as someone else? Am I cheating emotionally in those cases at all? What if I find a friend to be more hilarious than my girlfriend? Is it emotionally cheating if I laugh more around that person? I think these cases aren't so clear, because I can clearly say that I have a loyal, emotional connection to my girlfriend and that such external cases are functions of platonic relations.</p>
<p>I think a more clearer term here would be "emotional inconsideration." If I am confiding in someone else, or choosing to always sit next to a friend instead of my girlfriend, etc, I'd say that's "emotionally inconsiderate." But it wouldn't be "cheating" in the sense that "cheating" is a clear violation and is usually deserving of a breakup. "Emotional inconsideration" here is just inconsiderate, and enough of it is still sufficient for people to justify breaking up if they feel as if their girl/boyfriends are not focused enough with their loyalties and emotions.</p>
<p>Sorry for that long and rambling post, but eh. Made sense when I was writing it at least.</p>
<p>I'd say following any kind of impulse that you wouldn't want your BF/GF to find out about, whether it be physical (anything past hugging, or a hug that lasts for more than a minute--you know, the sappy embraces where you're touching and talking the whole time--IMO) or emotional (telling them things about the BF/GF or creating expectations for a relationship to become deeper than that with the BF/GF). I think you can be attracted to someone and flirt a wee bit and not have that be cheating, but when you single one person out to flirt with or talk with constantly that's not your BF/GF, then there's a problem.</p>
<p>As pathetic as it is, I met my BF over the internet (and NO, not on some dating website haha; just a regular website). I consider cheating inclusive to instances where physical contact isn't involved. If he and his wife were in a happy relationship and I were still involved, I would consider it cheating if I were his wife. </p>
<p>Long story short: I don't think that cheating consists purely of physical contact. I believe that the emotional aspect of a relationship and the physical aspect can be cheated on, just as I believe that a relationship can be triggered (to put it one way) by EITHER an emotional connection or a physical connection.</p>
<p>Edit: I just quickly browsed through some of the posts on this page of this convo; when I say emotional connection, I mean in a BF/GF kind-of way. I know of several guys who's best friends are girls and who talk about all of their emotional stuff with girls. That is different than finding e-mails ending with "Love Ya!" and sexual references, which is what I'm referring to in the cheating aspect.</p>
<p>I think glassesarechic kinda said what I was trying to say in a shorter way.</p>
<p>I had an ex who would flirt with my friends, but I never considered it as cheating. More like it was just weird and annoying.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, I have a friend who allows her "boyfriend" (I don't think he deserves the title) to sleep around with other women.</p>
<p>I think the point I'm trying to make is that the definition of cheating really depends on each person's morals, values, beliefs, etc. Culturally, Americans frown upon the concept of having multiple wives, but other cultures may support the idea.</p>
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Or at least, that's my interpretation. I'd just prefer if I was apart of my boyfriend's life enough that he'd include me in important decisions, and at least be considerate of how it would effect me. Whether or not we slap the label of 'cheating' on it is really irrelevant. In the end, "physical" cheating and if he did not do what I just said above (including me/being considerate), my reaction would be the same. Dump the ass.
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<p>It's completely irrelevant, especially considering the title of this thread.</p>
<p>Way to completely miss the point of what I was saying in relation to the topic.</p>
<p>If it's physical... Yes. If it's emotional, I would want my SO to tell me about it so we can talk about whether or not we should break up. If it's just a "she's hot" kind of thing... It's whatever. People get attracted to people.</p>
<p>I'm attracted to Milo Ventimiglia.
My mother has the hots for Ralph Feinnes.
My dad has a thing for JLo.</p>
<p>Granted, they're celebrities. But I'm not going to stop thinking Milo's hot just because my boyfriend has an issue with it.</p>
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Way to completely miss the point of what I was saying in relation to the topic.
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<p>No, I get what you are saying. But slapping the label "cheating" is very relevant because it sets the boundaries for what is "fair" and what is not. </p>
<p>Just because you would have the same reaction (jealousy) to your boyfriend having physical and emotional contact doesn't mean they are the same thing.</p>
<p>I agree with lilygraces...what would you rather have, your boyfriend having an emotional relationship with a close friend or the hots for one of his co-workers? hmmmmm? Most likely he does have hots for other women, but he doesn't act on it (hopefully).</p>
<p>edit: actually, I'm going to have to agree with this...
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I think the point I'm trying to make is that the definition of cheating really depends on each person's morals, values, beliefs, etc. Culturally, Americans frown upon the concept of having multiple wives, but other cultures may support the idea.
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<p>Hi hun, I never said that I minded my boyfriend having physical and emotional contact. My ex-boyfriend that I was with for two years had an ex-girlfriend he was extremely close to. But he always made sure to be considerate enough to tell me if he wasn't going to be around, etc. </p>
<p>So please, stop putting words in my mouth. </p>
<p>--</p>
<p>To note, I've never really had an issue with any of my exes in terms of their relationship with other women. I've never been jealous, because they've always been considerate. And I'm 100% sure that none of them would've made a decision of rooming with another women and kept me out of the loop delibrately. That very fact is enough, because I always keep very open communication with my boyfriend (especially now, since my current is being deployed for 6 months in a week). And to have that trust betrayed would be awful.</p>
<hr>
<p>Last of all: I'm not disagreeing with you at all. I just find some of your sweeping statements a bit bitter, and not covering the entire picture. I agree with the actual contents of your posts. Just not the parts where you're making assumptions about me from a few sentences.</p>
<p>did i read this properly? I think someone said they would not like their bf/gf talking to a friend about the relationship. I assume they meant talking to a friend of the opposite sex, but quite frankly, it doesn't matter. I would be horrified if my girlfriend forbid me from talking to my friends about our relationship. Sure, some things are meant to be kept a secret, but if I need my friends' relationship advice, I'm going to go talk to them.</p>
<p>Whoa whoa whoa...I'm definitely not some radical feminist. And I never said that a guy shouldn't be able to have a close friendship with another girl. My point was that its pretty skeezy when a guy goes out of his way not to tell his GF that he is living with another woman, who, by the way, his GF doesn't like and doesn't trust. I wasn't making a global statement about the state of gender affairs, I was just commenting on one very specific situation.</p>
<p>Bacchanalia - And I really resent being told that I can never have a healthy relationship because I'm an angry, insecure feminist. You don't know me at all...you don't know who I am, where I live or a thing about my personal life. Personally, I think you're probably an ugly dude who hates women because he can't get any...but that's just me.</p>
<p>But what if the only reason the guy doesn't tell you (the girlfriend) about his close but simply friendly relationship with another girl is because he'll know you'll get jealous about something that he knows is harmless?</p>
<p>That's a ****ty reason and there's something wrong with your relationship if your guy can't even trust you to not freak out all the time. Something this important is not something to be kept quiet, especially since it will come out one way or another.</p>
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In the end, "physical" cheating and if he did not do what I just said above (including me/being considerate), my reaction would be the same. Dump the ass.
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Hi hun, I never said that I minded my boyfriend having physical and emotional contact.
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<p>I'm not gonna try to drag this on...I just found it sort of amusing.</p>
<p>-confused-</p>
<p>Is it impossible for my boyfriend to have physical and emotional contact AND not physically cheat on me, include me in his major decisions, and be considerate?</p>
<p>Cause if it is, then I must be delusional. My past boyfriends seemed to have accomplished that perfectly fine.</p>
<p>I think the op implied physical "contact" to be something a little more than just contact.</p>
<p>I was responding to you though. So you are saying, if a girlfriend gets upset at the boyfriend making more than just contact they're being overbearing by becoming jealous?</p>
<p>Cause here I thought you were making sense. Silly me.</p>
<p>As far as I could tell, where our misunderstanding occurred was that you assumed that when I said "including me/being considerate" was equivalent to having no emotional contact with another female. Which is not what I meant.</p>
<p>I never said the jealousy wasn't justified or that it was. You made that assumption.</p>
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As far as I could tell, where our misunderstanding occurred was that you assumed that when I said "including me/being considerate" was equivalent to having no emotional contact with another female. Which is not what I meant.
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<p>That is not what I meant either. I was referring to your reaction to your boyfriend if he was emotionally involved with someone and didn't tell you to your reaction to your boyfriend if he was physically involved with someone.</p>
<p>You said you would get the same reaction..but I believe they are two different things. I think you group them together because you feel the same emotion to both of them- jealousy.</p>