Like any other relationship… when it starts out… it’s all flowers, roses, obsession… they couldn’t get enough of each other… after about the 1st 18 months… things settle… back then he was having 2nd thoughts, interested in another girl… she was so devastated… that he feared she would hurt herself… so they worked it out… I think after that… it wasn’t quite the same… she was always reaching for something from him… My husband feels he took her for granted… the girl is STUNNING…, smart, athletic… she has it all…so completely devoted to him even… I know he was proud to have her on his arm… so to speak… but still I think he could find another more Compatible with his personality, humor, that sort of thing… 1st loves – the 1st cut is the deepest… but I Think this HAD TO BE… something was missing… I noticed it for a long time… if I would take a picture of them… sometimes I had to tell him- put your arm around her… just shouldn’t have been… he wasn’t very supportive when she was in a Junior Miss Pageant afterwards… I went to him the next day and asked him WHY he didn’t hug her , telll her how good she did… like we did… her family -after the show… I seen her looking at him… like "come over here " to me. (ya know)… then another Guy friend was hanging out with them… they would go play frisbee golf together… our son didn’t get back in time… too busy… they went out a couple times alone… and well…
This guy helped her see she COULDn’T FIX them… (I know he would love to have her) and maybe they will get together… I don’t blame the guy… he is probably better for her even… Just sad… too many years together… is all.
Separate from all the relationship issues- if you cannot really afford the higher priced school, he shouldn’t go there. If they were still together and if he might find the academics too challenging, those are additional strikes against him, and being on campus with his gf would have been a potential additional distractor. Sounds Like these schools are all quite nearby, so even if they were still together,visiting each other would have been easy. So the need to be on the same campus is low.
They are young. He is only 18. It is his first breakup. He will learn from this that he needs to treat his gf with respect and see the importance of working on the relationship and not taking it for granted. Is there any chance that he is very obsessed with her and might not give her the space she desires if they are still on the same campus? Would he be able to leave her be and focus on his studies? She doesn’t deserve that.
So given the additional information you have shared, I’d vote for his being on a campus that is academically manageable and financially affordable. You are lucky that you still have the option to make a change.
And a small aside: You commented that he is christian, they have not had “relations”- saying that they are good kids. I read that as implying that students who may not have made the same choice are not “good kids”, and I hope that is not what you meant. And also, the expression “gypped” (you spelled it jipped) is a derogatory references to gypsies and stealing. It may offend some readers. There is one in particular who has mentioned this in the past and if she reads this will be offended. Might be worth considering using a different term in the future. Just a FYI.
It sounds like everything is pointing to staying closer to home, simply for economical and fit reasons. I think the feelings will pass, it is still a high school relationship, and I think the error was making plans based off it, especially significantly more expensive ones.
Talk to him and see how receptive he is of it in a few days. As others have said, time is the best idea here, and then use the final week to make a decision.
I agree to back off, for the moment. We parents can let our kids know we are there, if needed. But we can’t get in the middle of a broken relationship. We can love, support, and pass along a few general safe comments. If we bring up things like another guy or a mistake our kids made, it can root deep. We need to keep this middle of the road, so they trust our support in the future.
He’s growing now, has a couple of weeks to decide on which college. He’s hanging with friends. He seems to be trying to find his balance. Let him know when he needs to make the college decision and let him know you’re there to talk about that. Even if he asks or bring up a relationship issue, you don’t make judgments.
Honestly you should never feel bad over a break up. I would rather break up knowing there are no more sparks instead of dragging out a relationship that I have to fake emotions for. All you have to do is hang in there and focus on school because there are so many people in college that you can meet. Just focus on your studies and let god lead the right person to you because you are in school to get an education and that is what you need to focus on. The longevity of a relationship does not mean it is a great relationship remember it’s all about the quality rather than the time period. Best of luck and God bless.
Just a dose of reality, UPitt tuition for engineering is $18,000 and then another $12,000 for R&B and fees. Can you afford that for both sons or even one?
I’m sorry he has to deal with this right now. Give him some time and maybe the Christian school would be a supportive environment for him right now and also more affordable and family nearby.