So as of late I’ve decided to attend the University of Colorado at Boulder since they have an outstanding chemistry program as well as a reputation as a great research university. I’m currently a freshman in my second semester and I just can’t help but think that I’ve come to the wrong school. Sure, the academics are challenging and the instructors here are top notch, but the social life and student body here is just something I can’t seem to excel at. I’ve never had any issues making friends throughout the course of my life, and my friend group from high school was very diverse. Making friends just came naturally to me, however, that’s a completely different story at this school. I feel as if most of the student body is obsessed with the party life as well as marijuana. It’s as if your idea of fun isn’t smoking weed or getting black out drunk, then you aren’t even a person here. Also, I’ve never been one to play the race card, simply because the place I come from, California, there’s an abundance of different nationalities and backgrounds, but here, the majority of the student body are well to do affluent white kids. When I talk to people it’s as if they don’t even want to associate with me because I’m Asian or something. Most people on campus don’t even acknowledge that I’m even there. All the kids on my floor seem to know each other and greet each other each time they happen to pass by in the halls, but when I pass by them they don’t even look in my direction. Sometimes I’ll come out of my room to go to the bathroom or something, and a group of girls (because I, for some dumb reason ended up on the girls side of the hall) that are having a conversation will just stop talking and blankly stare at me without saying a word. I mean, I’m not even a creepy or ugly guy either! As if this feeling social seclusion isn’t enough, it’s been reinforced by the fact that my two only friends at this university are Chinese international students. Sure, they’re great friends and we usually hang out, but they’re usually always speaking madarin to each other, or just have a completely different culture compared to me, a Thai kid who lived in California his whole life. Also, this one extremely awkward kid from high school and now goes to UCI seems to be doing about 1000x better than me socially. This is the kid that had no friends at all in high school, and now it seems that he was able to find a group of pretty cool individuals to hang out with, and yet I can’t even make friends here to save my life. I’ve heard things about this school that said it was racist, and i didn’t believe it at first, but now I’m experiencing this first hand. I’m not even trying to make friends anymore, it seems all these fucking white kids look at me like I’m some outsider piece of shit that doesn’t belong at their pro white school/state. The is exacerbated by the fact that I don’t smoke marijuana, since this is literally all these kids talk about and do, and I’m not willing to change who I am as a person or go against my values just to make friends. I’ve never had to do that, so why do it now? I’ve always been a really happy kid, and always the one to give advice to my friends about whatever issues they had, or even cheer them up, and I’ve certainly never been depressed, but now I feel like this is just taking over me. The resentment that I have for this school and all the snobbish stereotypical white kids is increasing. I’d like some advice on if i should transfer to a UC school or if I’m just overreacting, because at this point I have no enjoyment of going to this school at all. I’ve lost about half of my drive and I hate about 80% of kids a this school, oh hey, what a coincidence, that seems to be the percentage of white kids here.
Rant over? Lol.
I see where your frustration is coming from, and it hard to know what advice to give you because I do not know everything about your situation. But, from personal experience, most of the friends I have made in college (I’m a second year) I made through clubs and campus organizations. Most of the people I know say the same thing. So, if you are not involved, get involved! From there, most friends I made were friends-of-friends, so my social circle grew. I do not think most people really get into their group via people they meet in class. I mean, I am on friendly terms with a lot of those people, but I do not hang out with them often.
Not to beat down this “get involved!” mentality, but if there are clubs involved with diversity (you mention race being a tension) that might interest you and get you connected with people who you feel more at ease with/accepted by. Also, I believe you mentioned you are in the sciences. Most schools have science clubs. Clubs are also a great way for you to meet upper classmen and pick their brains about professors, classes, hidden gems, etc.
At pretty much every university (even the party schools), there is a group–however small–of students who do not party all the time. Heck, I’m one of them. Do keep in mind that you can be friends who like to party on Friday nights, and just not go out with them when they are getting a little crazy.
If it makes you feel any better, it takes most people time to find their group. Sometimes peoples’ groups end up consisting of all of the misfits who conglomerated over time.
I do not know if you ask this directly, but as to whether or not you should transfer, I am not sure. How are your grades? Do you get along with your room mates? Is the financial aid good? These things may make the experience worthwhile.
When I went to school there were people who studied with the door open and people who studied with the door closed.
Which one are you?
Would it be productive to study with the door open and have distractions from loud girls in the hall? C’mon man, what kinda question is this lol
Can I assume the answer is “closed”?
Are you the only male in the dorm on “the girls side of the hall”?
Yep.
Yeah I am. All the other guys are down the hall a ways.
Is it possible the girls feel like you are an interloper in their territory?
I don’t see why they would think that. I mean, they always say “hi” to my roommate (who’s white). But just stare at me every time I go outside.
if it make you feel any better, I would be completely paranoid as well…you’re a funny and good writer but I really get the vibe there…at this point, it might be a mixture of true and actual things going on…mixed in with a misinterpretation of other things (because you are feeling on edge).
Unlike many folk here at CC, I actually see no problem with transferring to other schools…but as a really small step, any chance you could transfer to another dorm (not just another floor)…just that change alone could help!
When I was in school, the “open door” was an invitation to socialize. You might try it sometimes and see if it makes a difference.
Maybe I’ll give the dorm change thing a try. Thanks, bud.
U of C is a heavy party school, you sure aren’t imagining that part. So I can understand if you are having trouble finding a group that isn’t as into that. Is there a substance free dorm you can try for next year?
Change dorms, and if that doesn’t make it better, just transfer. The UC’s would be cheaper, no?
Why try to stick it out at a more expensive school where you don’t fit in?
Twiggy: I get what you are saying. I agree with you. I think you should consider transferring. Before I say why, I’ll give you a little background.
My daughter went through the same thing at her UC but the difference was that she volunteered for clubs and made friends through those clubs. She was on the boys end of the dorm and it was always awkward. The housing office made a mistake and forgot about 3 girls and placed the 3 together; they had NOTHING in common (awkward silence in the room) and my dd had useless disappearing RA’s, so she eventually moved out of the dorm.
In my opinion, California kids tend to look beyond the color. That’s just the way the state kids are because the culture is so diverse and they have to be able to get along with everyone.
Okay, here are my reasons for you transferring back home.
- You don't toke weed. Colorado recently passed laws affecting the consumption of the green herb and people there are nuts/obsessed about pushing the envelope. You don't need to be in the maryjane state and club at that university. You're not a partier. That's not to say there won't be parties at the UC's, but you know that in California, there are tons of kids who want to maintain a healthy body to surf, ski, run, etc. and they want to keep their bodies as clean as possible
- You are feeling awkward and uncomfortable, and eventually, it will impact your grades if you can't make study group connections.
- Socialization is important to you and some of these classmates are really not worth your time. You seem to be a good kid and a good student; you shouldn't have to change your morality and activities because you have idiot classmates.
Make a plan and advise your parents and get the heck out of DODGE! Not worth the headache to stay there.
Twiggy, I feel so sad reading what you’re experiencing. I’m a former Boulder-ite and my husband is a CU-Boulder alum and also Asian; granted it was a long time ago, but Boulder always had the rep of being both a good school and a party school (though not of being racist. I’m so sorry to hear that.) Husband had a great experience academically and personally (and he’s not a party guy), everyone I know who went there loved it, and I’d recommend CU to our son in a heartbeat, but there really can be bad micro-climates and clearly you’re in a toxic one for you personally. It’s a huge school and I’m sure there are hundreds and even thousands of other students you could connect with, but if you’re not meeting them, you’re not meeting them. I guess it always did have its more-than-fair share of spoiled brats who came for the party. So do many schools, but geez, I always thought of Boulder as an accepting place … very white, but very accepting … so that sucks to hear.
I completely second the suggestions to get involved with organizations that reflect your interests, and also try to switch dorms. But yeah, if you try what you can and still aren’t happy, transferring is perfectly reasonable. College isn’t just about grades. It should also be an experience that you enjoy and helps you grow as a person – and not just in the sense of “oh look at how hidden racism works.” I think you’ve got that lesson already, unfortunately, and it’s not really worth the price of OOS tuition for four years.
Acquire food…offer it to people on your hall.