<p>I would listen to NSM. If you want to go after this professor, be careful about it.</p>
<p>You are a student, first and foremost. You must have worked hard to get to this college. So it sounds like you need to show the judgment and maturity your prof has forgotten.</p>
<p>What to do? I'd say, take it as flattery to your appearance. Don't change grooming products. </p>
<p>Other than that, step back and stay polite only. If she has forgotten her professional ethics, don't get both of you involved in something that could hurt you most. How? If anything goes awry, she can accuse you, flunk you, talk badly of you to others on the faculty. She has ALL the power. She might be abusing that power. She might have a drinking problem as well. Poor her. If so, it's her problem, not yours. Don't make it yours. </p>
<p>Instead, be incredibly cool and mature. Go to her classes, only go for papers or conferences with her in the company of others. Maybe bring along the girlfriend to pick up any more papers.</p>
<p>Don't repeat the story IRL. I was surprised many suggested telling your girlfriend, but I don't see why you should. </p>
<p>Read up on "academic integrity" and "sexual harrassment" and you'll see all the mistakes she's making here. She is making the mistake of appearances. She hasn't done anything yet, but her actions are along the same tangent. That's why I'm calling her judgment poor (adult-to-adult). </p>
<p>BTW, she might also be a very fine professor in class. Learn from her (academically, only).</p>
<p>Now you know how girls feel when guys overflirt with them who shouldn't (their doctors, teachers, anyone who holds a professional status in their life and should be helping them). It's an imbalance of power, and unfair to the person not in power (the younger one), although it seems flattering at first. So there's a life lesson you learned, and safely, if you stay away from her. </p>
<p>Trust your instincts. How did she make you feel? I'm guessing, after the initial flattery, she has made you feel uncomfortable and confused. That's wrong. That's not her job. Avoid contact with her solo.</p>
<p>That's what I think you should do.</p>
<p>Then, if you find out in the course of the semester, that she's just a flake on the level of personal touchies with lots of other students in a public classroom setting, or is kind of ramped up with a flirtatious personality to all, then she's a flake that way. No harm done. Some people are like that, and time will tell. It's early in the term and you're just getting to know everybody and everything.</p>
<p>You're right, paying3tuitions (nice name, btw). </p>
<p>I haven't really studied her interaction with other students. Maybe I should start paying more attention to that.</p>
<p>To be really honest, though, I'm wondering why she'd even be touchy-feely with me. I don't think I'm that attractive that makes girls throw themselves at me. I don't know.</p>
<p>I'm going to join the voices that tell you to be careful. While undoubtedly relationships do exist between students and their professors, it is highly unethical. She could lose her job, and you could be the recipient of campus gossip/jokes. Of course you are flattered by her attention -- anyone would be -- but don't let it go further than that. I suggest that you pretend that you don't notice her touching and compliments; she should get the hint. If not, you're going to have to tell her that it makes you uncomfortable. If that still doesn't work, well . . . you'll have to do more.</p>
<p>As Northstarmom says, this is sexual harassment. As you said in the OP, the situation is awkward -- and that should tell you a lot about how inappropriate it is. </p>
<p>I'm guessing that alcohol may have lowered her guard at the club, and she told you that you were cute when she never would have said that, even if she thought it, in a sober environment. Once those words were spoken, they are difficult to ignore for both of you.</p>
<p>It's only sexual harassment if the recipient is offended or made uncomfortable by it. Otherwise it's harmless flirting...and he's flattered by the attention, so there you go. </p>
<p>And frankly, I think that term should be limited to lewd comments and behavior. Saying someone is attractive is a compliment, not harassment!</p>
<p>I hate how quick so many people are to throw around accusations of that sort.</p>
<p>katho11, how would the teacher know in advance whether or not she'd make a student uncomfortable? That's why the one in power (teacher) ALWAYS has to observe the rules and not throw out statements irrelevant to learning, such as how a kid looks. </p>
<p>Her first duty is to teach and evaluate his academic progress. By flirting, which is "harmless" by anyone else, a teacher (or cop or anyone else in a position of power over a student) risks doing harm. She gives the impression that if the boy doesn't respond, it might upset her on a personal level and she has every opportunity to take it out in his grades, how she responds to him in class in front of peers, and many other ways that influence his life and success at the college. </p>
<p>I'm a semi-retired teacher, and I know there's a difference between saying to a mature male, "You look nice today" (a compliment) and "You're cute" (a very personalized come-on). </p>
<p>What's the difference? Oh, usually around 3 ounces in liquid form...</p>
<p>Okay. My mind tooootally didn't take that last part the right way, paying3tuitions.</p>
<p>Still...the paranoia about the whole sexual harassment thing is insane. It - along with MANY other things in our society - has gotten to the point where everyone has to watch every little word that comes out of their mouth for fear of being labeled as some pervert or ignorant moron...and facing criminal charges, public embarrassment, and being fired. Come on! </p>
<p>She shouldn't be coming on to students...that's fairly obvious, but she isn't even close to harassing anyone at this point.</p>
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she isn't even close to harassing anyone at this point
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</p>
<p>I agree with you on that. It's the slippery slope.</p>
<p>
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My mind tooootally didn't take that last part the right way, paying3tuitions.
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<p>Yikes, sorry! And that's why I'm an endless source of amusement to my 3 kids.</p>
<p>play ur cards right</p>
<p>Yeah, she definitely hasn't harrassed me. That's kinda crazy how a compliment can be punishable these days. People really need to get over themselves.</p>
<p>I do have an update. I told my girlfriend. But I'll wait until tomorrow to tell you guys how that went...you'll be surprised.</p>
<p>Haha...threesome?</p>
<p>Ok, so now I feel like such a guy :/</p>
<p>your girlfriend seems too controlling</p>
<p>She can be. We're gonna have to work on that.</p>
<p>Anway, I was in her dorm room, we were laying on the bed just...hanging out. I casually told her what had happened with my teacher, and she was like, "WHAT?! OMG Really?" and I said yeah, even older women can't handle all this sexiness. She laughed and said it was funny as hell. I said, "so you aren't mad?" and she said, "no, why would I be?"</p>
<p>I just rolled my eyes. Maybe I should go do my professor ;)</p>
<p>So the gf was cool with it.</p>
<p>Well, that’s definitely good that your girlfriend isn’t overreacting about other people finding you attractive. If she would have freaked out…yeah…not good. It’s not like you can control what others think, after all.</p>
<p>Yeah, I’m glad about that too.</p>
<p>Is it frowned upon if a professor has interest in an undergraduate student (who has taken classes with the prof before) and the student is currently working in the professor’s lab?</p>
<p>YES!!!</p>
<p>That would be entirely inappropriate…</p>
<p>Most schools would frown upon (or often outright prohibit) a TA or student leader entering into a (sexual or intimate) relationship of any kind with a student currently under their authority.
For a staff member to do the same could (and should) cost them their job!</p>
<p>Well, that just sucks. We’re all adults here!</p>
<p>Apumic-</p>
<p>How would it be inappropriate if the student who is working in the professor’s lab is doing it for volunteer reasons only, and is not receiving any credit or monetary rewards? The student is no longer a student of the professor anymore and will not be taking any more classes with that professor.</p>
<p>This is off topic but…</p>
<p>If my female TA is telling me while we are walking to her car and the bus (the garage is next to the bus station) that she was at a bar and met some guy (we ran into him and he’s a TA also) and is telling me about how he gave her his number…don’t you find that weird? I’m not exactly her friend…</p>