<p>My condolences also. The time to pay your respects and be there are when the person is alive. You can't have any regrets if you've done that. Going to the funeral is really a show of support for the grieving family.</p>
<p>Warmest sympathies...and best to you and the family.</p>
<p>Naneth, </p>
<p>I am so very sorry for your loss. May God surround you with love over the next days.</p>
<p>Oh Naneth, cyber hugs to you from Oceania. Thank goodness you didn't have to face your travel worries.</p>
<p>Naneth,
I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved father and the childrens' grandfather. The timing worked in wondrous ways that your D could be there with you during this time. I'm thinking of you during such a difficult and sad time. I'm glad you are all gathered there. </p>
<p>I will share with you that your story is very touching to me (I'll admit, it makes me cry). Two years ago this Thanksgiving weekend, I had a similar experience so I know it too well, unfortunately. My dad was dying of lung cancer that fall. My oldest was still a senior in HS, so not in college like your D but we live 7 hours from my parents. I went there for the whole Thanksgiving week. My dad was at home, never in a hospital and never confined to bed either. My hubby and kids came for the Thanksgiving break and my dad sat at the Thanksgiving table though very weak. We were all together. We were all going to go home on the Sunday after Thanksgiving. On the Saturday, my dad took a turn for the worse and never got out of bed and was asleep. I chose to stay on and my hubby and kids left a day early to go back to our state. I was supposed to take my D to an overnight visit at Smith on that Monday/Tuesday and she had many appointments lined up there. My husband was going to just miss work and take her instead as I did not want to leave my dad and we even called my brother to fly in from Alaska and he made it, though my dad was sleeping. Later that same night, after my kids were back in our state, my dad died with all his children with him. My mom put off the funeral for several days and my hubby still took my D to Smith, but had to bring my other D and then they continued all the way back the seven hour trip to the funeral, though had just been there with my dad a few days earlier. </p>
<p>Like you, I am so glad that even though we live far away, that I was with my dad when he died and that my kids were with him this one last time for Thanksgiving two days before his death. In a way, maybe your dad and my dad held on until everyone was there. </p>
<p>I'm sorry for your grief and great loss but may you find comfort in his memory and in the gathering of your family and the caring thoughts of others at this time.</p>
<p>Susan</p>
<p>Thank you for sharing on this board so that those of us with living and healthy parents understand the good fortune we need to cherish. You have done us all a favor.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your kind words and condolences, especially berurah, who kept in touch since the original post, and soozievt for sharing your story. I do have to say I am amazed at the maturity my D has gained since she left at the beginning of the year. For example, when she first arrived home on Friday and Saturday, I apologized to her for not spending as much time with her as I would like, but I needed to be with her Granddaddy. She was so understanding and said Mom you don't need to apologize to me. While I was trying to be there for my parents, she was trying to be there for me. It made me so proud, I am not sure if a year ago she would have shown the grace and concern she does now.</p>
<p>Naneth, while I don't wish this experience on anyone, I do believe that these teenagers are deeply affected by such an experience. I think you are observing that in your daughter. I have seen both my teenage daughters write various things about it and I know it is not like other experiences so it brings out various mature behaviors like you are seeing, deep thoughts, and touches them. Your daughter is being a loving child to you and has been affected by the experience in ways that brings up mature behaviors and feelings. </p>
<p>Again, my sympathies for your profound loss. Am glad you are all together. </p>
<p>Susan</p>
<p>rachie, I also want to provide my dearest sympathies. my father passed recently, and although he suffered for 2 years it is so difficult to think I will never see him walk through my front door again, or bring to my house another of his garage sale finds. As you said, focus on the fact that now there is no more pain or suffering, and continue to talk to her and ask her advice, because believe me, they respond in one way or another. I am always thanking my dad for showing me how to do things I should not have known how to do. they are always there for us.</p>
<p>naneth~</p>
<p>How very proud you must be of your daughter--and with such good reason! She sounds like such a mature and empathetic young woman. That she realizes that YOU need loving care and support right now is such a marvelous thing. I do agree with you that the emotional maturing process is very much fostered by the college experience. The kids get exposed to so many different people and experiences, and those things serve to enhance the gratitude for things that may have been taken for granted before.</p>
<p>I know this week has been such a challenging one for you all, but your being together and offering support to each other is so crucial at a time like this. I hope your father's memorial service is beautiful and serves as a touching tribute to a rich and meaningful life. </p>
<p>{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} to both you and your daughter. Cling to each other for strength and support. love, ~berurah</p>
<p>Condolences, naneth. It is strange and beautiful how "holding on" until loved ones are near occurs in many cases. My father-in-law passed away the weekend his farther daughter (from Az) had come to visit. The father I spoke of earlier died the Sunday of Thanksgiving weekend, when his freshman son had returned home from college for the first time.</p>
<p>Enjoy the memories of your father.</p>
<p>Naneth,
here is a little thought to pass along to your daughter....I read it in one of the advice columns a few years ago and it brings me comfort at the most random of times...
pennies found on the sidewalk/street have been tossed down to earth by our loved ones above....as a way to get our attention and let us know we are in their hearts and minds....so, I never pass a coin on the street anymore...just Wednesday am, doing the final Thanksgiving hunting and gathering, I went to get into the car and voila, there were not 1 but 2 pennies....and I immediately thought they were from my dad and mom. My dad died in '81 and my mom in '84.....the pennies are such a fun and unexpected hello from above....I am sure I miss some on the sidewalks, but those are for others walking behind me....
and the FUN of finding a nickel or a dime......you know that someone really wants to say HELLO and send their LOVE....
I don't look for coins.....but, I do relish that brief respite from everything else as I bend down and think of loved ones who are gone but never, ever forgotten......
my condolences and "thanks" for the perfect timing of such a sad occurrence.</p>