Disadvantages of joining a sorority?

Parents Forum
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<p>A week ago, D started the recruitment process and after second round decided that she wasn’t going to continue. I think anxiety over rejection and her floormates all being “top tier” candidates definitely colored her decision-making process. Imagine my surprise when I got a call today from her- she’d been offered a “snap bid” from a house she had really liked but was fearful she’d be cut at. While there’s a part of me that wishes she had stuck it out through recruitment, it had been a terrible week for her on several levels and I don’t think she could have taken any more stress at that point. I wish there was a more humane way to do things but as others have pointed out, it is a two-way street when it comes to matching. </p>

<p>I wasn’t in a sorority but was a member of the Junior League. Like sororities, League varies from location to location as to how “exclusive” membership is. But you do learn valuable skills, including working together in a team. And you get to know some really amazing women who care about their communities and want to make them better. I hope that’s D’s experience in a sorority. Happily, there appear to be several engineering majors among them so she’ll have some older, more experienced mentors to advise her. I hope, at least! A lot of hoping going on here, that’s for sure!</p>

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<p>CFang, I promised I’d respond to you:

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<p>NO. Absolutely not, in my experience.
Small groups of girls are making the decisions – the girls who actually met the rushee under question. Their recommendations gets rolled up into a master list that is only seen by the president, rush director and asst rush director. (And frankly these days it’s all computerized.) No one is actually sitting around and looking at a full list of 500 girls and rubbing their hands gleefully when deciding who to cut. (And besides, once a girl is cut, no one’s <em>focusing</em> on her. It is weird beyond weird to think that the AChiO’s are sitting around gleefully remembering all the fun they had cutting Faith Freshman in round one.)</p>

<p>The lists from each house are then computerized in a central location – again, the # of people who would ever see a full list is VERY minimal and again, no one is sitting around looking at a full list; there’s just no point. It goes into a computer and then the computer spits out, for each girl, “You are invited back to Houses A, B, C, D, E, F, G and H.” If the next round is 5 houses, then the girl indicates back that she is accepting the invitation of A, B, C, D and E and turning down F, G, and H. </p>

<p>Just like in college acceptance, yield is an important factor. Not every girl a house is interested in will want them. You don’t cut to the bone … You cut people who are really obvious mis-matches, who didn’t click with anyone at all over any topic, who said or did something horribly inappropriate (and no, I don’t mean carried a handbag from Target instead of Coach). </p>

<p>I think what you don’t get is that in a system like the ones oldfort and I are describing, most girls are in situations where <em>they</em> are choosing to accept invitations from X number of houses and <em>they</em> are doing the culling down. Not that girls are standing there with only 1 house in hand.</p>

<p>Oldfort described the computer system pretty accurately (which I saw as a rush counselor, meaning that I de-activated temporarily and counseled the rushees). It privileges the girl’s choice, not the sorority’s choice. In the system I was in, at the time it went from 13 parties to 8 to 5 to 3. A typical scenario for “my” girls I was counseling was: After meeting all 13, girl gets invited back to 8-10 houses, and chooses up to 8. Girl gets invited back to 4-7 houses, and chooses up to 5. Girl gets invited back to 3-4 houses, and chooses up to 3. </p>

<p>And no, they didn’t have to do anything super-de-duper special to have that number of invites. They didn’t have to buy new wardrobes or pretend that daddy was a CEO or that they had a condo in Manhattan. They just had to be themselves and present themselves well.</p>

<p>I don’t know where your assertions come from, but they just aren’t factual.</p>

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<p>I’ve never understood the idea that it is better for a woman to look like a man.</p>

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<p>I think you missed the point; the emphasis was the girls don’t have to be boys to be nerdy or successful in corporate world or in any other male dominant field. They can have all the female qualities and still compete with the boys head on.</p>

<p>I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with being fashion conscious. I would certainly prefer my DD to know how to dress for an occasion whether it is a business meeting or a social event.</p>

<p>Coming from a Dad of nerdy girl at a nerd college, I can just say that a girl can maintain female qualities in jeans and t-shirt too. Fashion is not what you wear but how you wear and how your portray your personality. I think personality is a big factor being successful.</p>

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<p>Re fashion: When I was in hs, when I was in college, and even now, I liked to wear my hair in a flattering style, wear makeup, and choose my clothes for reasons beyond simply “they cover me and protect me from the elements.” I like to look pulled together, and I have to tell you, I tend to be attracted to other people who pull themselves together. What you wear and how you present yourself says a lot about you – whether that choice is sweats and an oversized sweatshirt, jeans and a nice tee and some accessories, pearls and a cashmere sweater, or a business suit. </p>

<p>When I go to events at my kids’ school, I make an effort to look like a reasonably-happening forty-something. I might wear flattering (not “mom” jeans), cute flats or boots, a tee, a blazer and maybe some appealing costume jewelry or scarf. And I’ll choose a pea coat or nicer coat, not my Nanook-of-the-North down coat. I do look around and I do tend to notice people who put themselves together well, and who don’t bother to make an effort. And I’ll be honest – when people don’t bother to make an effort, that doesn’t mean that they aren’t perfectly nice people, but I tend not to be attracted to them as someone I want to get to know better. If that’s superficial, oh well. I can live with it.</p>

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<p>Yes. Absolutely. You hit it right on the nose. Especially for girls who were more shy / introverted / concerned with their studies in high school, and are great girls, but aren’t the “let’s meet 20 new people today” variety. </p>

<p>Dorms do mixers and parties to get people to mingle, meet one another and find friends within. Rush does the same. Well, except in the South apparently where it’s designed to suss out whose daddy makes the most, LOL.</p>

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<p>What makes you think that every girl in a sorority necessarily cares about fashion? (Though I did have a sorority sister who is now a Tony Award winning costume designer on Broadway!). In the systems that apparently are in place in the Northeast, upper midwest and west, you might have one group of girls that tends to be really athletic and outdoorsy, another group of girls that’s all-natural, another group of girls that’s all-dolled-up … It takes all types.</p>

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<p>Re post 184. I do. It is a waste of time. Dressing appropriately is not the same thing as being fashion conscious. Men have it easy- they have the uniform of shirt/tie/jacket /pants, usually in some dull colors. The good men also don’t use foul language or scream, etc. The same behavior standards apply to both grownups. Your point would have been better made without the implication that girls should pay attention to superficial appearances. Boys don’t wear any makeup and men can get by with old clothes (see uniform). ParentofIvyHope- no wonder you think girls/women should pay attention to looks- you’re a guy. The whole bit about “female qualities”, please…</p>

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<p>All of this sounds so…serious! Letters of rec and all. My D had a rather amusing sorority experience this fall. Her roomie was very interested in rushing a few sororities this fall. D went along, as they were serving somemore’s at the event for a particular sorority. She participated, just to be a good sport. And was unexpectedly given a bid which necessitated a flurry of phone calls. I had no clue what to tell her. She really liked some of the members, so went along with the process for a time, though was concerned about how the necessary events would impact her other activities. </p>

<p>Unfortunately her roomie was not chosen, which created another ethical connundrum. But in the end she gave it up when she was handed the bill, as she couldn’t fathom paying that much for the experience. I sort of wish she’d discussed that bill with me before deciding-as I could see advantages. One of which was some of the training in the some of the social graces that aren’t necessarily needed in our midwestern city, as well as being around some very motivated girls. I also agree with Old Fort, in that it is good to know how to present yourself to the world in an appropriate and pleasing manner. </p>

<p>However, she has plenty of friends, plenty of activities, and am glad she chose to focus on the things she really loves, rather than sorority requirements, which sounded rather time and money consuming.</p>

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<p>I don’t decorate my house by just going into the store and buying any old sofa that fits my behind no matter what color or shape; I pick things that I like that appeal to my personal style. I don’t just slap any old paint color on sale on the wall or pick wallpaper with my eyes closed. Don’t really see why it’s any different with clothing, really. Is your house full of random, mismatched pieces of furniture that are just merely functional and nothing else?</p>

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<p>Actually many men are also very fashionable. They wear cuff links that go with their tie or color of their shirt. Pants are certain width and length, depending on if they want more of European look or American look. Even suit jacket can look different. No, men do not just have uniforms. It takes just as much care for them to be fashionable. Looking good is not superficial, it lets people know that you care enough about yourself to look good. There is nothing worse than being frumpy. It looks like you have given up.</p>

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<p>I don’t think being fashion conscious mean you have to wear makeup. DD doesn’t and neither her mom. But her mom is very fashion aware and so do I.
I like to dress appropriately for the occasion too. I like to wear Burberry jackets, Diesel Jeans and Rolex watches.
I generally preach what I practice. I just want that if my DD can take boys head on at Math and Science then she can take girls head on at a beauty pageant too.</p>

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<p>I have a daughter who is both smart and aware of her appearance and fashions. She takes the time every day to look her best, and I applaud her. She is completing two bachelors degrees in two very challenging majors (one of which is mostly a male profession). She cares about her appearance and her clothes because she wants to look and feel good…not because she is trying to attract a guy. I guess I find the notion that being aware of fashion as being somehow tied to the opposite sex a very large generalization.</p>

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<p>I think it is better to do one’s best in more, rather than fewer dimensions in life, including aesthetics. It is a richer, more interesting, more varied existence.</p>

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<p>I seriously doubt it. When I was in college, the legal drinking age was 18. Now that it is 21, I can’t imagine they would be serving at parties. Not in an official capacity anyway. At my daughter’s school, if it came out that they were serving alcohol at parties, they would be severely disciplined.</p>

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<p>Non sorority girl here to say that MANY girls (and women) care about fashion whether or not they are in a sorority. Seriously, that is not a value exclusive to sororities!</p>

<p>That said, my husband from time to time will ask me “Will yo PLEASE go buy yourself sometihng nice to wear to __________.?!”</p>

<p>I’d be happy to wear sweats and t-shirt every moment of the day, but I guess that’s not practical in certain circumstances.</p>

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<p>According to DD at her college alcohol is not served at Sororities parties but is ample at Fraternities parties. Again DD college alcohol policy is very lenient and it is not hard to get if someone wants it.</p>

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<p>Unless you’re at BYU or a similar college, I can’t fathom that getting access to alcohol is too difficult for any college student anywhere, Greek or not Greek.</p>

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<p>You don’t need to be a fashionista with a huge budget to look nice, reasonably stylish and put together. If that doesn’t interest you, that’s cool, but then you just have to be aware that there are many people who take away a signal about the message you’re projecting about yourself. Maybe it’s that message you’re projecting about yourself which is incompatible with the girls you might meet during a rush situation.</p>

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<p>2 things. To the person who said they won’t be rushing because of what people said on here, don’t listen to them. People who aren’t in the greek system always bash it because they either are jealous that they weren’t let in or they are prejudice and only believe the negative things said about sororities. I know its a lot easier just to condemn something and say nasty things instead of actually learning something about it and consider the positive things people have to say. Don’t let a few bad apples ruin the experience for you.
2nd: Of course they still serve alcohol, have you been near a college campus lately? You can practically smell the booze from down the street. And its not just greek life that is the culprit, actually I’ve found that the sports teams are the ones who party the hardest. They are usually the ones who end up in the hospital because of hazing and binge drinking, so why don’t we start badmouthing sports teams and the selection and hazing that goes on within those groups? Oh yea, because people LOVE to hate on greek life. Sad really. On the outside looking in you’ll never understand so don’t ruin it for people by speaking badly of things you know nothing about.</p>