<p>Has anyone read “Pledged” by Alexandra Robbins? If so, is it accurate?</p>
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<p>Huh? Aren’t you the one also collecting recs for your friend’s daughter who is rushing in one of those big southern systems – you know, the kind where recs are actually meaningful, because it matters who her daddy and mama and background are and you want the friend’s daughter to have a good rush experience?</p>
<p>It seems to me that that just perpetuates the system that leaves a bad taste in the mouth of many. Who are the girls who are going to arrive with 3 recs? White girls, upper middle class, girls who are “connected” socially, girls whose mothers were college educated and in sororities themselves. Do you think the blue-collar girl, the first-gen college student, the girl whose family is an immigrant family, the girl from East Nowheresville are going to know about this system? That system perpetuates the supposed high-society-exclusive-club five-girls-for-one-spot stereotype. In the system that others of us have described in the Northeast, Midwest and West, every girl just shows up for rush and she’s taken at face value. You’re perplexed by me somehow, but you’re participating in perpetuating that system? </p>
<p>And yes, I do take people at face value. How they present themselves is, indeed, part of taking them at face value. Whether that’s outdoorsy / sporty, preppy, natural, all-dolled-up, designer, flamboyant, restrained, sexy or sloppy.</p>
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<p>Absolutely. USC is indeed one of those schools where the Greek school scene is more stereotypical, and not at all like what oldfort, Bay, and I have described. </p>
<p>Which is why when people say “I’m looking for / to avoid a Greek scene,” I think it has to be done in the context of the campus. And whether it’s going to make you a social outcase not to be in a house – in which case, why wouldn’t you avoid that COLLEGE in general? – or whether it’s one of those “hey, great, if you want to join, cool, if not, that’s cool too.”</p>
<p>I read “Pledged” cover to cover when my daughter decided to rush, some were similar, but most of it didn’t apply to D1’s experience. I was nervous initially when I read the book.</p>
<p>I think it’s important to distinguish between behavior which is specific to / “caused” by the Greek system, and behavior which is just natural among friendship groups of young college-age women 18-21. For example, it’s hardly evidence of something awful if a bunch of young college-age women spend time discussing what they’re going to wear to a party or what guys they think are cute.</p>
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<p>“Real mothers” do? Why would I arrange a play date with another mom with whom I am engaged in a “feud” when I could just as easily arrange a play date with moms who I like as long as I feel the kids will have fun?"</p>
<p>I don’t mean to hijack, but I thought that was a rather bizarre comment.</p>
<p>I am really wanting to be persuaded by the pro-Greek contingent here. I think the Greeks do an amazing amount, for college students, of charity work and I think that should be applauded. The question that bothers me, though, is what is the like-mindedness that draws people into a sorority? Of course we are all drawn to people with similar interests as our own–so (and I realize that these are over-simplifications but I think true enough) the people who like singing join choir, and the people who like arguing join debate, and the people who like playing basketball join the basketball team. But what is it that people who join sororities like?</p>
<p>^^^LOL, I agree…why on earth would you want to spend time with those mothers that you do not enjoy being around? Very bizzare</p>
<p>In post #261, poetgrl casually refers to non-greeks as “GDIs”. Am I mistaken in thinking this means “god-d@mned independent”? Is that how sorority girls talk about girls who don’t care to join?</p>
<p>Charming.</p>
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<p>One another. Just like any other group of friends that weren’t necessarily drawn together by a shared activity such as choir or debate or b-ball. How do you think roommates / dormmates find friendships? It’s not necessarily a shared activity or interest – they might just enjoy being around one another. It’s as simple as that.</p>
<p>Re the GDI comment. Sometimes people who aren’t in a Greek system refer to themselves in an ironic, tongue-in-cheek way as “GDI” - gd independents. “Sorority girls” refer to girls who aren’t in sororities by … well, whatever their first names are. Really. Sorority girls don’t sit around and ruminate about girls-not-in-the-sorority, any more than the choir sits around and ruminate about people-who-aren’t-in-choir or the debate team sits around and ruminate about people-who-aren’t-in-debate. Or that the Yalies in Skull-and-Bones sit around and ruminate about people-who-aren’t-in-Skull-and-Bones, for that matter.</p>
<p>Isn’t poetgrl a sorority member? It was she who used the term.</p>
<p>I’m not convinced that it was non-greeks who coined that term to refer to themselves, but either way it’s a rude way to refer to someone.</p>
<p>There seems to be an implication in this thread that all sororities at all southern, especially SEC, schools harbor all or most of the negative stereotypes that persist about sororities, such as selecting members based on who your parents are or what their income is, what designer handbag you carry, etc. This may be true of some sororities at some campuses in the south, but I don’t believe that these stereotypes apply to all sororities at all southern campuses (and they may in fact apply to some sororities in other parts of the country, too). Certainly there are some extreme examples of undesirable attributes in southern sororities, but there also are similar extreme examples in northern sororities as well (DePauw and BU have been mentioned on this thread). </p>
<p>I just don’t believe it is accurate to make sweeping generalizations about the Greek systems in northern vs. southern schools, or academically more selective vs. less selective schools. As pointed out previously, sororities can differ greatly from campus to campus, and also within campuses, and should be evaluated on a case by case basis.</p>
<p>wuggroe-- Actually, my D joined a sorrority. I was a GDI and refered to myself that way, as did my friends, who were both in and out of sorrorities. It was actually considered a compliment back then. I’m sorry if it seems otherwise to you. Me, I’m a GDI to the bone…but I like people who aren’t, too. fwiw.</p>
<p>GDI (Gamma Delta Iota) was the phrase coined by kids who CHOSE or did not join sororities. I have never, even though I am old, heard Greeks refer to non affiliated students as GDIs. . </p>
<p>PLEDGED is like any nonfiction book on any subject. There is truth in it, but because the author told individual stories, the book contained THEIR truth as seen through the eyes of the author. I can say that my daughter’s boyfriend (of many years) does not drink, period. My daughter drinks rarely. (Don’t giggle, she doesn’t like the taste and becomes blotchy…not her intended look.) </p>
<p>The SEC, particularly has a VERY tough recruitment process. That is the way it is. (We don’t live in the south.) It is legendary. But again, no one (outside your own family) is forcing kids to rush. The families all know the “rules”. And the families play by those rules.</p>
<p>My daughter’s school has a VERY competitive recruitment. But the SEC style doesn’t apply here. Daughter had two or three recs going into recruitment, as opposed to 3 or more per house in the SEC. We never sent gifts to any house. She pledged a house that is extremely competitive without recs, no D & B was done on us, and there are girls from all backgrounds, social, ethnic, religious, racial and economic. </p>
<p>Let your kid make the decision whether to go through recruitment if you are negative about sororities. They are at the university, you are not. And if the pledge and are happy…be happy for them. If they pledge and are unhappy, support their decision to keep going or not, and if they decide not to go through recruitment despite the fact that your family has always been ABC (in fact great great Grandma founded it), support that decision.</p>
<p>Think of this as basic training for the day your child brings home their intended spouse.</p>
<p>Just because you don’t take offense doesn’t mean it’s not rude.</p>
<p>wuggroe-- I’m truly sorry if you are offended. I meant no offense.</p>
<p>Wuggroe, it’s the non-Greeks who refer to themselves as GDI’s and it’s exactly the way as depicted above – as a term of pride that they were independent of the system.</p>
<p>Ellebud: Parents of rushees sending gifts to a house ahead of time? By D&B, do you mean Dun&Bradstreet (as in, they checked your family’s financial status)? I’ve absolutely never heard of those things being done in the context of rush. That’s *insane. *</p>
<p>The overall social scene at a place where such behaviors are commonplace would be enough for me to seriously consider not sending my kid there. I mean, these people think that’s acceptable / appropriate social behavior? Checking into the finances of other students’ <em>families</em>? That couldn’t be more low-class and trashy behavior if you worked at it. Who could possibly want to join those types of sororities, except people who don’t know any better? If that’s what passes for “status-y behavior” in the social milieu of the SEC, then count me out.</p>
<p>Yes, I read Pledged, and I highly encouraged my daughter to read it before deciding to rush. I told her that the process might or might not be that way when she rushes/decides to pledge, but I wanted her to be aware of the possibilities. She did read it, and I felt, entered into the process more educated than had she not read it.</p>
<p>Evidently in some schools in the south families send stuff to “remind” houses that their daughters are coming through. Yes, I mean a Dunn and Bradstreet. I think that if a house is very affluent, and have upcoming major expenses that is done to ensure the solvency of the house. And if the composition of the house is that wealthy, I think that in a vague, weird and perhaps not so nice way, it is better for everyone to be upfront.</p>
<p>(As I mentioned, my d’s house is very diverse in all areas so it is not my daughter’s sorority and perhaps not at this school.)</p>
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<p>Can I say it one more time. Not all chapters are “like-minded.” Looking back, I have no idea how my pledge class came together as we were not like-minded on much of anything. I guess the classes ahead of us weren’t either because they chose us. If we were all so different, why did we bother to come together as a group? I have no idea. I didn’t put much thought into joining a sorority. I didn’t go through rush, but was “recruited” informally after rush was over. I actually did a really stupid thing. I joined a sorority based on getting to know the upperclasswomen. I had barely met the girls in my pledge class and at the pledge dance, I was told later that some of girls, who later became my best friends, said “who is that girl” when I entered the room. Dumb luck I guess.</p>