<p>I have posted before that my sorority was a very eclectic group but the one thing we all seemed to have in common was a good, and in many cases, odd sense of humor. Generally, the girls we targeted were girls who left us laughing or smiling. It didn’t matter what they looked like or what they were wearing, if the time didn’t fly while we were talking, they probably weren’t coming back. For a variety of reasons, there are people you talk to for just a few minutes and you want to talk to them longer. You want to get their phone numbers or you want to say “I hope I run into you again.” That’s all it is. It is no different from any party you have ever attended where there were people you didn’t know.</p>
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<p>I wonder why this isn’t done everywhere. It gives the freshman a semester to get settled in, used to the pace of university life, etc. while also giving them a chance to get a feel for the various sororities.</p>
<p>It is a great idea. The only drawback I see is you miss an entire semester with the seniors who will graduate!</p>
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<p>Exactly. It’s no different, which is why I don’t get all the perplexity. You know within a short amount of time whether you like the girls on the second floor or the third floor of your dorm, whether you like the girl sitting to your right or to your left in history class, or the girl you met at the all-campus freshman welcoming picnic. You figure this out based on whether you enjoy talking to the person and you “click.” So why is it suddenly any different when it’s rush?</p>
<p>I’ve gone to events at my kids’ school and walked away noting a person or two where I thought, “Hmm, I’d like to get to know this person better.” Something she said or her sense of humor intrigued me. And other people – nah, nothing against them, but they just didn’t strike me one way or the other. What on earth is the difference?</p>
<p>Many of you have workplace friends, right? At your workplace, how do you figure out which people you will be warm, professional and cordial too (hopefully everyone) and which ones have the potential to become deeper friendships?</p>
<p>The rush process at some colleges (like my D’s) is closer to a lottery system than at others. All girls who go through the entire process - meaning they do not drop a house even if they only get a couple of invitations and some are from houses they do not like - are guaranteed to get a bid. So if 150 girls rush for 3 houses, and everyone follows through to the end, every single girl will get a house. It might be their 3rd choice, but they will get one. On the final day, both the rushees and the houses rank their preferences, then both lists are run through a computer program (developed by an MIT student), and the computer spits out the assignments.</p>
<p>“What on earth is the difference?”</p>
<p>One difference is that in a social or office setting, unlike a sorority, you can change your mind once you get to know someone better. That person you thought had the potential to be a good friend turns out, after a few lunches, to be a jerk. Fine. You just don’t spend time with them anymore. And that person that you thought you wouldn’t click with turns out, after you work on a project with her, to be a load of fun. It seems to me the flaw with rush is that you are making a binding, irreversible decision (or nearly so) on exceedingly little information.</p>
<p>^Yes, that’s what I see as a disadvantage also. Some have said that sororities are primarily a living arrangement. Well, in college life you can either be assigned a roommate randomly, in which case it’s the luck of the draw, or you choose the person (people) you will live with as an upperclassman. I hope in the latter case, my child would know a great deal more about her selected roommates than what you can find out at a few parties. People have so many layers, and what makes someone easy to chat with at a party, probably has nothing to do with the most important qualities desired in a roommate.</p>
<p>Perplexed, I agree. But I think the deferred rush could be a step in the right direction. The problem I do have with it, at least as it was explained to me by a SMU Mom, is that during that first semester, sorority actives aren’t allowed to socialize with the freshmen as that would be a rush violation. So it seems policy could actually negate the positives of the deferred rush?</p>
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<p>This is true, and no doubt this is why “recs” were invented. </p>
<p>Once I moved into the house, I found a great group of friends, but I also learned that there were plenty of girls that I liked but never really hung out with. What really, is the down side of learning this? Nothing. That’s how life is. We still had the rituals in common and had chosen each other and that created a special bond.</p>
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<p>Good grief. There are, say, 100 girls in a house. If the person you thought had the potential to be a good friend turns out to be a jerk, then you don’t spend time with them anymore. Do you guys all think that you have to do everything every second of the day with your sorority sisters or something? Friendships wax and wane because that’s how friendships are. I never really hit it off with my “pledge mom” and we had little to do with one another after the first year. Nothing bad, we just weren’t one another’s type. So what? I didn’t HAVE to do anything with her, other than be in a room with her and 98 other girls one night a week. It was FINE. She had the girls she clicked with and I had the girls I clicked with. </p>
<p>Some of you have some really odd perceptions out there. That if you join a sorority, everyone has to be your Very! Bestest! Friend! At All Times! or else the whole thing doesn’t work out. As with anything, you’ll have girls that are your closest friends, girls you like, girls you’re somewhat indifferent towards, and maybe even a few girls you don’t care for. So what? </p>
<p>If you’re in a dorm, maybe you eat lunch with let’s say a dozen girls – and some of them you like better than others. But it’s hardly any skin off your back to share your lunch table with a few girls that you’re “eh” towards – presuming that you’re cordial and civil and all that. What’s the difference?</p>
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<p>That’s actually the feature, not the bug. Girls you might not otherwise have gotten to know (they lived in a different dorm, or they were older, or they were a different major and you never would have had a class together, or you weren’t on a common group / team together) … you got to know, because you had those opportunities, from hanging around the house and getting to know people. My world would have been a lot smaller if I didn’t have 100 girls to “draw from.”</p>
<p>“Some of you have some really odd perceptions out there. That if you join a sorority, everyone has to be your Very! Bestest! Friend! At All Times! or else the whole thing doesn’t work out.”</p>
<p>Perhaps some of our perceptions are odd because we have not been in a sorority. I am quite willing to grant you that I don’t understand what it is that happens in a sorority that requires that you irreversibly vote yes or no on people, after a few brief encounters. What is “the whole thing” that “works out” in a sorority?</p>
<p>Well, there seems to be this “well, what if you wind up not liking Suzy-Q so much after you get to know her.” Well – then you don’t. </p>
<p>If Suzy-Q is on your freshman hall dorm, and you like her initially, and you find that you don’t care for her so much as the year goes on, well, then you don’t go out of your way to spend time with her. Sure, she still might be present at dorm meetings, and dorm social events, but it’s not like you’re obligated to sit by her side and interact with her (beyond normal social pleasantries).</p>
<p>So what’s the difference in a sorority? If you wind up not liking a given girl in your house as much as you initially did, so what? Sure, she’s present at your house meetings and social events, but you’re not obligated to sit by her side and interact with her (beyond normal politeness), so what’s the big deal? You’re still going to wind up interacting primarily with the girls that you like most in the house – so the presence of a few that aren’t your cup of tea just isn’t any big deal, any more than the presence of a few girls in your dorm that aren’t your cup of tea. I am truly perplexed why you think it’s any different.</p>
<p>I think my sorority experience was more like being a member of a club. I had really good friends who were members of other sororities and who were non-Greek. Only seniors lived in our house - about 15 girls. The house was a big brick 3 story home in a lovely courtyard with other sorority houses. There was a big front porch with swings. It was like having a real home. We knew, at any time, we could drop into the house and someone would be watching television, playing bridge, cooking or hanging out on the porch. It was very comforting and it allowed us to get to know the upperclasswomen very well. I lived in the house for 2 years because 3 seniors chose to stay with their non-Greek room mates. I loved living there and wouldn’t have changed a thing. We were very friendly with the other houses and hung out with them too.</p>
<p>I remember some of the key “pop culture” moments of the 80’s from being in the house! Like all of us watching the final episode of MASH, Michael Jackson performing Billie Jean / doing the moonwalk for the first time, the explosion of the Challenger …</p>
<p>Even worst case, where you decide you hate the whole thing, it’s not like joining the mafia. You are free to leave at any time.</p>
<p>^^^^^^^Lol, poetgirl. Reminds me of that movie *Married to the Mob *with Michelle Pfeiffer. Poor girl couldn’t get away from them.</p>
<p>Right. You’d all have a point if joining a sorority meant “you have to have every single meal and every single social interaction be with every single person in this house for the next 4 years.” </p>
<p>Look - colleges have residential colleges where people form friendships and have strong bonds. Do you think every single person in a given res coll absolutely loooooves every single other person in that res coll? No … but what’s the big deal if there are a few that they aren’t crazy about? </p>
<p>For some reason, you all seem to get that it’s not expected that every single person in a 40-person res coll loooooves everyone else, but you’re worried about the same thing happening in a sorority. I don’t get the distinction being made. It’s the same thing.</p>
<p>But if it is the same thing, what is the point of rush? And actually, if it is the same thing, what is the point of a sorority? To create a group of people that want to be chosen by other people?</p>
<p>PerplexedParent:
“Perhaps some of our perceptions are odd because we have not been in a sorority. I am quite willing to grant you that I don’t understand what it is that happens in a sorority that requires that you irreversibly vote yes or no on people, after a few brief encounters. What is “the whole thing” that “works out” in a sorority?”</p>
<p>I will admit that the rush process and the voting process seems odd, especially if you have never been through it. It’s not perfect. On the other hand, if you are at a large school and there are several hundred girls who are going through rush, it’s a pretty efficient process. It doesn’t seem feasible to spend a lot of time getting to know every single person, unfortunately, given how busy everyone already is with classes, etc. As Pizzagirl has mentioned, first impressions can be pretty accurate in giving you a good idea of someone who you might want to get to know better. The latter part of rush gives you more opportunity to get to know someone a little better. </p>
<p>I would say that for those persons whose goal it is to join a sorority, the rush process seems to work out pretty well. Prospective members can get a pretty good idea pretty quickly about which groups they feel a good “fit” with, and vice versa for the sorority members. Those who go through rush but find that the whole process or sorority scene is not for them just make the decision not to join.</p>