<p>Twoparent,
I think your D really needs to think about why she might want to rush again. If she had her heart set on just 2 houses out of 12 without finishing the week, one wonders if she was choosing based only on status reasons - that she may have heard that ABC and XYZ are the “best” houses, so those were the only ones she wanted.</p>
<p>If she wants to join a sorority for friendship, to provide her with a smaller family-like community on a large campus, for leadership, philanthropy, social life and fun, then she ought to go through rush again with an open mind.</p>
<p>Twoparent, I’m sorry that you D had a negative experience with rush. I do agree with the other posters that if she decides to rush again that she keep an open mind toward all of the sororities.
One other thing, the #1 reason my sorority didn’t invite a girl back was not because we didn’t like her or were critical, it was because no one seemed to remember her. These were the girls who were perfectly nice but just didn’t really “connect” with anyone. Could be the particular girls they met or maybe it just wasn’t a good fit.</p>
<p>I’m Amanda and I hope you do not “dismiss” the “machine” mentioned in my sorority article. Someone in this thread has, citing it as a “less serious” academic institution. I know it is in Alabama, but you would be wise to research just how many “U of A” Machine graduates are now… or have served as U.S. Senators and Reps…</p>
<p>Just because it is a greek system in a Southern state, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take a look at the power of mob mentality, cliques, segregation… etc…</p>
<p>Yep. Sure. Nothin’ shallow about those standards from Cornell’s Pi Phi. They’re just looking for young women who are scholars. With a good personality.</p>
<p>I read that a few weeks ago. I actually thought it was a plus to join a sorority because of it. Most girls by age of 18 should have those basic knowledge, and if they didn’t then maybe it’s a good thing to learn to do so.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>This was a message sent out before the rush week to let the girls know how to best present themselves. There is nothing in that message that we haven’t told our own girls (at least I have as they were growing up). I don’t think it’s shallow to be well groomed and presntable.</p>
<p>Tory Burch & Kate Spade, eh, Pi Phi? Guess we know which sorority I wouldn’t have been invited to join!!! I could find far too many ways to spend my money (assuming I actually had any in college, which I did not) other than on overpriced Tory Burch flats or Kate Spade heels.</p>
<p>As a disclaimer, my daughter is not in Pi Phi at Cornell. When I showed her the article, she said, “They had to send it out? Isn’t it kind of like common sense?”</p>
<p>I think when they mentioned Tory Burch, it is to show the type. There are a lot of look alikes out there.</p>
<p>I am a sorority member, and I enjoyed my sorority days. However, I doubt I would have been part of the group had the members felt the need to send out such communications. I always felt my experience was “typical,” but I am not so sure anymore. We spent lots of time on learning to lead … none that I recall on learning to dress. I think our focus was far different … probably because I was at a small, predominantly male engineering school.</p>
<p>No frumpy blouses, whatever that would be. No khakis, for some reason they don’t count as casual. Or chic. Or something. You must wear the right brand of shoes or you are hopelessly out of style. Jeans must be skinny or straight. </p>
<p>In the “business casual” round, you must not wear socks with your pants. And heaven forbid if the sorority queen doesn’t like the length of your pants.</p>
<p>You have to have had a manicure and pedicure. And an eyebrow waxing.</p>
<p>Don’t wear a watch, but you must wear jewelry and perfume.</p>
<p>Look, this is not about being well groomed. This goes far beyond being well groomed, unless you can somehow defend to me that wearing a pair of socks with your slacks is bad grooming.</p>
<p>You don’t wear socks with your pants when you do business casual? Would you go to your office without socks?</p>
<p>Yes, I do believe it’s important to accessorize, not too much. Yes, once you get to a certain age there is no need to have a timer on your watch.</p>
<p>We’ve had many discussions on cafe about fashionable jeans and clothes for people our age. It is probably even more important to 18 year olds to be fashionable, and skinny/straight jeans are in, not bell bottoms. But the fact they felt the need to tell those girls is more surprising to me.</p>
<p>Again, this is for their rush week when they must look their best, once a year. I would be surprised if most women wouldn’t have mani/pedi done before an important occassion.</p>
<p>The communique says NOT to wear socks with business pants.</p>
<p>I’m sure it was important to you at 18, and to your 18-year-old children, to be fashionable. That doesn’t mean it is important to every 18-year-old, or that they share this sorority queen’s idea of what is fashionable.</p>
<p>Once I had a pedicure. No manicures ever, though, and yet somehow I have managed to live a full and happy life. Guess I’ll have to live with the misery of not being a Pi Psi.</p>
<p>Well, I think this is why many sorority women recommend keeping an open mind about the rush process. There are sororities for all sorts of young women.
My D is pledging at a different sorority at Cornell. I am certain that if she received an email like the one above, she would be out of there in a heartbeat.
For heaven’s sake, she wears a pink and blue plastic digital watch! But OTOH, I’m sure some other girl would absolutely love this type of advice!</p>
<p>Socks, ahh. I was thinking of stockings. Maybe that’s the thing they do now. I wear stocking socks with my suits when I go to work.</p>
<p>Both of my girls have been getting waxed and hair done in a salon since they were 13. I have stopped them from leaving the house when their hair weren’t brushed or when they were wearing low cut blouses. I have also pointed out to them when their accessories were too flashy and didn’t go with their outfit. I do look at some girls sometimes and wonder if they looked at themselves before they walked out the door.</p>
<p>And expensive. How is a young woman from a lower income family to afford the large wardrobe, the shoes, the salon visits, the jewelry? I guess this sorority is only for the well-heeled. I came from a solidly middle-class family, but when I was in college there was no way I could have afforded all that.</p>
<p>I couldnt WAIT to get away from my mothers restrictive dress code. I bought all my clothes in thrift stores —not only because that’s what I could afford, but I could dress like an individual. When I was in grad school at UCLA, I was featured in a Los Angeles magazine article about young hip style and I even ended up married to a film costumer. Clothing should be about individual expression ,ESPECIALLY when you are young! Reading that ridiculous list turned my stomach.</p>
<p>Hear, hear! I couldn’t agree more. I have a young teen, and before she walks out the door I make sure her clothing is approrpriate for her age in terms of modesty. Jeez, I want her to express her own style ~ middle school is all about stifiling, awful conformity (be sure not to stand out or you’ll be the target) ~ I’ll be darned if I am going to continue to foster that kind of attitude in high school and college. Yes, there are times when you must dress nicer than if you were going to hang out in your room all day. Fine, but ‘be sure you wear your pearls, your earrings, no dress, only a flowy shirt. Be sure to have a pedicure and a manicure so you’ll fit in with everyone else!’ Gag, gag, gag…I say express yourself through your hair, makeup, clothing, accessories. What a great way to grow and learn about yourself. </p>
<p>Wow, the guy in the wheel chair in college with spina bifida that we laughed with through our business class, pretty sure he didn’t follow any kind old decorum although he was always showered, shave, nicely dressed and mostly he was fun, friendly, kind and helpful and I was glad to call him my friend.</p>
<p>There were so many interestng peple that I was a better person for knowing that were never in a frat or a sorority. They made me see myself in different ways I’m afraid that if all I am doing is copying all these girls over in this hose, being sure I’m an like them in enough ways so as to be part of some unit, I lose myself. Or I find a bunch of little me’s and spend day and night with them. So boring.</p>
<p>I found the world a much more intersting and fun place when I spend time with people who’s ideas differ from mine. Who’s traditions differ. Who’s outlook on life differs. I haven’t regretted it for a moment.</p>
<p>Okay, that Pi Phi thing was hilarious. I can just see some poor girl fretting over whether some print might be construed as a “summer pattern”, hoping her cotton sweater can pass for silk, wondering why her natural healthy complexion requires blush and pondering whether her arms are “good” enough for a sleeveless dress. I haven’t a clue what a Tory Burch flat looks like and neither does my D. “Think brunch, somewhere cool and chic.” The hell? Very relatable for a girl from East Oshkosh. “Heels you would wear to a cocktail party”. What college kid goes to cocktail parties? It’s hard to believe that women bright enough to get into Cornell would be such twits. But from the sound of things, I’m guessing this particular sorority is filled with well-heeled Cornell legacies, so maybe being bright wasn’t a prerequisite.</p>
<p>Between the article about the U Alabama sorority experience, and the Pi Phi thing, I guess OP’s question about the disadvantages of joining a sorority has been definitively answered!</p>