<p>I’m a guy. You know what happens when you assume…</p>
<p>I’m wicked sorry. I know, I know, you make assumptions.</p>
<p>Nah, it’s cool. You have no way of knowing, you had to pick one haha</p>
<p>No problem with Ssushi’s post in the other thread (major). Direct and basically very accurate.</p>
<p>I like Harry Truman’s advice for parents: “Find out what they want and then advise them to do it.”</p>
<p>Suushi, great insight, although a bit harshly put. I have to agree with you as a parent, and most importantly as an employer. The last 5 years of our management trainee program which I am involved in mentoring has been very difficult to deal with. Kids are coming in without basic skills such as dealing with difficult people. I get the impression many were used to their parents contacting high schools to deal with teachers, scheduling issues, and other issues. Many of these young adults will call their parents several times a day to talk about work issues to get help. I have even heard from HR that their are parents who want to participate in salary negotiations. </p>
<p>Situations like this young lady with the promiscious roommate are part of the learning and growing experience. Parents just need to back off even on the mentoring as hard as it is.</p>
<p>Dude- I also wanted to say that it has taken me a long time not to automatically assume alot of things & it is still really hard to stop and figure out
1- are they asking for advice?
2- Is it something I know anything about?</p>
<h1>- Can I word the advice in a way that they won’t feel like I am attacking them for being clueless?</h1>
<p>Obviously I am still working on the last one.
;)</p>
<p>In response to emeraldkity4, last year my daughter as a sophomore (after living in the dorms her freshman year) lived in an on campus 2 bedroom apartment with 3 other girls. Two of the girls had boyfriends and were never there and the third went home every Thursday and returned every Monday. We have a large family and a small house so she is used to someone always being around. She found that she was lonely and came to the conclusion that this situation wasn’t for her. After a lot of hassle she got out of her lease at the semester and moved into her sorority house. To me, living with 40 girls sounds hideous, but she loves it. The chef and maid are a bonus and it costs a lot less too! So what works for one person might not work for another, but finding out what works for you is part of the whole process. To combat the loneliness at the apartment she would make regular trips to the gym, library, sorority house, etc…</p>
<p>I see, thanks.</p>
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<p>EK, same here. When they lived home, I thought, “Timing is everything.” Now that they live elsewhere, it seems that “wording is everything.”</p>
<p>I have lost the benefit of sensitive timing because I am clueless regarding the flow of their day and can’t read the body language/voice tone in person. So I have to work even harder on wording. I try hard to choose words and phrases to introduce my concerns so their indepenence and good judgment is affirmed, not undermined. They are trustworthy, and have proven it over and over, but I still have to adjust. </p>
<p>Fortunately (empty nest now) I have plenty of time to think about the wording before contacting them by email, text or voicemail. I count more and more on technologies where they control when they call/write me back, so they’re in charge of when we talk in depth. Cellphone calls that interrupt their busy day – not appreciated by them. A message that gives them windows to recontact me they much prefer and the communication goes better that way for us. (Buh-bye, spontaneity). </p>
<p>Note: 2 are post-college, one a college senior. And when the college senior initiates an unexpected call to home spontaneously, which happens quite often, my H or I pretty much drop everything to take advantage of his ebullient need to converse. I would add I feel I have good relationships with all 3.</p>
<p>My D is living in a studio apartment in a European city while studying abroad, and I think she is pretty lonely. She has made some friends (she is actually quite a social person), but she is in a country where the locals are notoriously introverted. So far she has not made close enough friends to invite back to her apartment, for example. </p>
<p>When she went to college, I think she knew I was lonely for her… and she called me every day. Now that she is the one who seems a little lonely, I try to touch base with her daily even when I am busy (a little harder given the time zone difference, so I have to do it during my work day). But I make a point to.</p>
<p>That is what families do for each other. Maybe you macho guys are never lonely and don’t need contact with the people who love you to be happy. Fine for you. But to criticize ekity when she is providing some support to her daughter in what might be a lonely time is pretty immature and rude.</p>
<p>P3T- same here, I don’t want to have it be a forced conversation, I wait for them to contact me and keep Skype & Google chat always on, so that I am available when they want me.</p>
<p>Like you, I want a nice natural conversation, which needs to come on their timing.</p>
<p>EK’s “1- are they asking for advice?”</p>
<p>I definitely learned early on that I am NOT being called to fix anything, but rather as a sounding board to help them make sure they have considered everything in making their own decisions. Once I gave myself permission to not have all the answers and just be a resource, I felt less stressed by some of the tearful early phone calls</p>