<p>Well, there is that… maybe the roommate was so drunk that she doesn’t remember what she did. Entirely possible. Doesn’t negate the need for the girl with the problem to grow a backbone and speak to the roommate, and to the RA if it happens again. And go over the RA’s head to the Residence Hall office if the RA is unresponsive. Not sure you can teach assertiveness in a class. But experiences like this ought to teach the OP’s daughter to be assertive. Or she will have to put up with a situation she does not like. As other posters have said, mom should give D some coaching on how to handle it. But if her D wants to be a doormat, then mom should not step in.</p>
<p>This thread makes me think more and more highly of the suite dorm rooms that have one individual bedroom for each student and a common living area. I don’t think much of the “one small box with two people squashed in it” model.</p>
<p>^ Yeah, totally. I’m in a single now and never had to deal with a roommate. When I was first going to college, I remember thinking: “I don’t care if I have to get a LOAN (as stupid as that is because in my case it wasn’t necessary) but I am getting a single! There’s no way I am sharing my room with anyone.”</p>
<p>And thank God, I didn’t have to. =)</p>
<p>What can you do? Welcome to college.</p>
<p>My daughter has moved off campus for sophomore year into a two bedroom apt that is very close to her university- so I imagine that virtually all the residents in this complex and surrounding complex are students.</p>
<p>Her dorm freshman year, was nice, great view, and she liked her roommate ( they each had taken a year off and they met on the school message boards). I am not sure why she wanted to live off campus- I imagine she wanted more room & privacy.</p>
<p>But now I am worried she is having 2nd thoughts- while she isn’t * real* social, the dorm provided camaraderie & support, whereas I have a feeling that their apt is going to be kind of lonely for a while until they get to know others in the building.
It doesn’t have a central location & I am disappointed that there is so little security that I don’t feel comfortable having anything mailed to her.
She also doesn’t have a car & the closest grocery store is way more expensive than anything in the city. ( her roommate does have a car- but has a different schedule it seems)</p>
<p>Her school just started Wednesday so it is early days & perhaps my concerns are unfounded.</p>
<p>Her sister had a single room all four years on campus ( three in dorms- one in a shared school owned townhouse , senior year), plus her school was smaller than her sisters high school. </p>
<p>I do think a suite style dorm would perhaps have been better, as there would have been more people to get support from, I worry now, about what when she gets sick- etc- but I have to admit, that she is allowing me to give her more support, than I have been allowed to when she was in high school & living at home, or even last year as a freshman.</p>
<p>I feel a * tiny bit* guilty about it- it is a little like when your kid doesn’t need you much until they are sick- ( as long as they aren’t * really ill*), then it is like when they were small, then you get to give them backrubs & make them tea.</p>
<p>Ive already gone up to see her on campus twice, not counting when she moved in :)</p>
<p>emerald.</p>
<p>You’re thinking to much. And two times to visit her if she just started on wednesday is alot. She’s not going to branch out if she’s too sheltered. Let her grow.</p>
<p>dude- she spent 4 months in india last year when she was 18- including one month traveling in Goa by herself- and another month traveling through UK.
I wasn’t going to visit- I was bringing stuff she requested for her apt.</p>
<p>Some advice- I suggest silence if you don’t know what you are talking about.
;)</p>
<p>Emerald.</p>
<p>First, how am I supposed to know that she was in India. You said yourself that you thought that your concerns were unfounded and I was telling you that I think that perhaps they were. And the way you worded what you said is that you went to visit her, not just bring her stuff. Why are you acting like I’m an idiot just because you decided that I should automatically know these things that you didn’t tell me. What’s more: you can’t post things in forums and expect people to not have an opinion on it.</p>
<p>Some advice - don’t be an inconsiderate person. ;)</p>
<p>You know, as a student I consider it sort of a privilege that the parents don’t complain when I post here even though I am not yet a parent, because I really appreciate the opportunity for mature conversation and for learning from all their advice posts and such. Please don’t ruin it for the rest of us by being rude.</p>
<p>EmeraldKity can take it. She’s a tough one. ;)</p>
<p>I like to hear from the students. I think you guys tell us stuff our own kids won’t. fwiw. </p>
<p>Of course, you should probably remove the swear word, Dude, just cuz you’re smarter than that.</p>
<p>Thanks poetgrl. I did take the liberty of amending my vocabulary, per your request.</p>
<p>nice word choice. I had a feeling you had a vocabulary hiding under there. 
:)</p>
<p>I’m a student and i think most parents here are helicopter parents who have socially stunted children because you guys micromanaged their lives and friendships to a disturbing point. You daughter is a sophomore in college, why the hell do you still care about little intricate details of her apartment. Your children have zero problem solving ability and its because you guys are all to willing to do everything for them.</p>
<p>Well, sushi…my daughter is so far away that it would take me more than a day to get to her at this point…but I do love to hear from her.</p>
<p>Just face it, we loooooove you guys. It could be worse. Trust me.</p>
<p>Ssushi: Really, you do not know what you are talking about. You know nothing about our students’ development or problem solving skills. Some parents are helicopter parents. Some parents are simply interested and/or concerned. I hope your parents care about you.</p>
<p>Wow, ssushi, why bother with the Parents Forum since you already know it all? I can’t WAIT until you become a parent (easily the most difficult job you’ll EVER do) and find out that all of your high-ideal smugness is for naught once you hold that little person!</p>
<p>Why are you acting like I’m an idiot just because you decided that I should automatically know these things that you didn’t tell me. What’s more: you can’t post things in forums and expect people to not have an opinion on it.</p>
<p>My response was also colored by your response to the student who wanted advice about her major. <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1003045-going-against-my-parents-wishes.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1003045-going-against-my-parents-wishes.html</a></p>
<p>I don’t feel overly simplistic harsh advice is helpful, because situations are rarely black and white & I also didn’t feel the need to give all the details of my POV, because I wasn’t asking for advice, I was commiserating with those who are experiencing their children having difficulty with a living situation.</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s fair that parents are jumping all over ssushi for stating his opinion, which is not unfounded. I worked in the admissions office at my university and we actually had an entire meeting focused on the phenomenon of helicopter parents and the adverse affect it can have on the development of a student, not just socially but also concerning life skills. I think it is more important for a student to learn to make the best of a situation rather than have it automatically amended for them. That isn’t how life works. Yell at me all you want, but I think I’m right.</p>
<p>Every 6 weeks my parents check my grades, make sure i’m not arrested, and make sure i don’t have a kid. If all three of those are in order they say well done, keep it up. You can be an excellent parent without needing to micromanage your daughters apartment at 18.</p>
<p>*My response was also colored by your response to the student who wanted advice about her major. Going against my parent’s wishes</p>
<p>I don’t feel overly simplistic harsh advice is helpful, because situations are rarely black and white & I also didn’t feel the need to give all the details of my POV, because I wasn’t asking for advice, I was commiserating with those who are experiencing their children having difficulty with a living situation. *</p>
<p>O.K.</p>