<p>I'm a senior in high school, and right now I'm trying to figure out how to tell my best friend that I'm not going to the same college as her. I know that I'll have to tell her eventually, but she got offended that her top choice school was not my top choice.</p>
<p>My friend was super excited about this one college (I'll just call it College A), she's constantly raving about how much she loves College A, and she's even done about 9+ college visits to College A. She applied early decision and recently found out that she was accepted! Needless to say, I'm really happy for her! :)</p>
<p>But here's the thing... I don't share her enthusiasm for College A at all. I actually was prepared to apply (it's on my final college list), but after doing more research, I realized that College A doesn't have most things that I'm looking for in a school. I'm sure it's a great school, but it's not for me. The deadline is in February, but I'm not sure if I'm even going to apply anymore now that I've been accepted to one of my top schools (Early Action) with a pretty good financial package (still waiting on the others).</p>
<p>A few months ago, my friend asked me what my top choice schools are and she was visibly upset after I honestly answered her. She even avoided me the rest of the day. I had no intention of offending her! :( I didn't say directly that I didn't want to go to College A, but by not including College A in my top 3 (out of 8) choices, I'm assuming that that's what offended her... Every now and then, she drops hints that she wants me to also go to this school with her (like after she was accepted ed, she would say, "I hope we can go to College A together!"). Now that she's been accepted, she's been asking me more and more often about which college I want to go to.</p>
<p>As I said earlier, I know I have to tell her eventually (that I won't be going to College A), but I'm really afraid of offending her again. I'm not applying Early Decision anywhere, so I can't use the binding-thing as an excuse.
Does anyone have any advice? Thanks much :)</p>
<p>I thought going to the same college as friends isn’t a thing anymore o.o
Anyways I don’t think there’s much you can do besides tell her honestly (which I believe you have done) how you feel. Maybe talk to her about the kind of college you like and where you want to go that’s not College A. Choosing which college to go to is an important decision that everyone needs to make individually, so if she ultimately can’t respect your decision or feel so offended by it then… I’m not too sure about your friendship (no offense at all, obviously I don’t know you guys personally). Good luck!</p>
<p>You just tell her. A good friendship will withstand the odds, and this will be no exception. She has to understand that not everyone shares the same enthusiasm. Just say why the college wouldn’t be a good fit. There could be multitude of reasons. It doesn’t have (insert major, activity, other item of importance you). Or it’s unaffordable. Far way. Your parents didn’t agree with it. The longer you delay, the more pressure and stress you will put on yourself. I imagine somewhere in there, she’s genuinely curious where you are going and has nothing but goodwill, even if that isn’t the same college as her. If I knew one of my friends were going to apply to the same place, I would say “I hope we can go to college (insert) together!” too but I wouldn’t be overly upset about it. Be sensitive, but there’s no real point in putting it off</p>
<p>You just tell her that although College A seems like a great school and that you’re sure she will be very happy there, it simply doesn’t offer what you’re looking for in a school. You’re under no obligation to go to the same school as her. If you two had been planning on going to the same school, it sounds like she had the idea that the best school for both of you was simply the best school for -her-. This isn’t the case. </p>
<p>If you two really have a strong friendship, you can survive going to different schools. </p>
<p>Well, from lifelong experience if you have a strong friendship now, you’ll remain friends. There are no guarantees even if you did go to the same college that you’d be super close during that time. You’d be in separate majors, different clubs, different circles. You’d still be friends but it would be different. The best thing happening from the scenario is that your own circle of friends expands but surprisingly that can happen even over the distance of being in different places.
A lot of my friends to this day are friends of friends who went to different colleges.It’s a wonderful serendipitous type of networking.<br>
You should both look forward to making new friends and introducing them to each other no matter where you land.</p>
<p>You really just have to tell her. My best friend and I withstood me getting accepted to HER top choice. And attending. At the end of the day, you both have to keep it in perspective. Sure, attending College A or B seems like the most important decision of your life now, and it is pretty important, but years from now, a friendship where you’re open with each other will mean more than which college you went to. And your friend ought to understand that.</p>
<p>Thank you, @mineO3O @shawnspencer @comfortablycurt @gouf78 @SusieAnne , for your responses! I really appreciate everyone’s advice. From what everyone has said, I think it seems best that I just tell her honestly that I won’t apply to College A and hope that she understands.</p>
<p>Sorry, one thing I want to clarify is that we never agreed or planned to go to the same school. The fact that College A was on both of our college lists was purely coincidental. I’m not sure if she was expecting that we’d go to the same school but if she was, I’m pretty sure I’m not the one who put that idea in her head. Sorry for not making that clear in the original post!</p>
<p>But once again, thanks for your responses, I really appreciate everyone’s input! </p>
<p>You might try framing it this way: “I’m so happy for you that you were accepted to your top choice school, A. I hope you are as happy for me because I was also accepted to my top choice, B.”</p>
<p>I would be happy for her, and say how College A will be great for her because she wants thing A, B and C.
But right now you and your family are looking at College B and C because you need thing D in a college.</p>
<p>Best friends don’t have to do everything the same. You can exchange visits, Facebook, e-mails and any manner of other things. She may just be insecure about going somewhere she doesn’t know anyone and you might just reassure her on that subject.</p>
<p>“I am so looking forward to visiting you at College A and I know it’s perfect for you because it has x, y, and z. But it doesn’t have d, e, or f, which is what I’m looking for in a school, so I’ve decided to go to College B. But I hope you’ll visit me too. I’ll miss you so much if you don’t!!”</p>
I really appreciate everyone’s advice. From what everyone has said, I think it seems best that I just tell her honestly that I won’t apply to College A and hope that she understands.</p>