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<p>OMG. I’ll remember your story. If we end up having to pick up Son at any time (and it certainly could happen), I’ll always know that it could be worse!</p>
<p>“If you did IB in high school you wouldn’t be worrying about dropping out of college. You’d be worrying about why the a lot easier workload still does not get you above a 3.9”</p>
<p>Not true. Older S had the IB diploma and went by choice to a tier two OOS public where he got a virtually full ride due to merit aid, and he was in their honors college.</p>
<p>He told me that his English class in the honors college was teaching things he learned in IB. Literally. One of the assignments was exactly what he had had to do in his junior year English class, and his college classmates were struggling with it.</p>
<p>S decided consequently that college was a waste of time, so didn’t go to classes or take his exams. He ended the year with an average of below 1.0 and at age 25 has never returned to college, though he continues to read and study extensively on his own.</p>
<p>Does anyone have experience with Americorp for their recent HS graduate? My son has applied to a number of LACs. He’s not a great student in terms of motivation. However, he has some nice developing life interests. We are considering a gap year next year. Most of the colleges he has applied to routinely allow admitted applicants to matriculate a year later if the gap experience is acceptable.</p>
<p>As I mentioned earlier, I teach at a community college. The majority of my students are bright reverse transfers that do well once they have matured. I do think that as a parent, it is easy to blame ourselves for our childrens’ difficulties. Once I ceased with the self-flagellation, I was more helpful to my struggling son. </p>
<p>I teach developmental psych and I often tell my students that my second child (the son) helped me become a much better parent. With child one, everything has been smooth and, until I had the second child, I was foolish to think my parenting skills were outstanding and contributed to the success of child one. I now know that child one simply “came out of the box” that way and her successes have little to do with my parenting and a whole lot more to do with her temperament, her interests, and perseverance. I have, over time, come to understand my second child has, in a psychological manner, given me so much in terms of my own growth.</p>
<p>12rhm18,
I think that’s AWFUL of the military academy for doing what they did to your S! Thank goodness you & the great guy at CC were there to help him realize he still had a great future waiting for him. </p>
<p>Sometimes, you really wonder what sadist decided to make life even tougher than it had to be and already was! </p>
<p>Our D had enough trauma and drama being forced to leave her private HS after her junior year without having been dismissed in front of all her peers. That would have just been too much! For her as well, CC was a great place for her to find herself and boost her confidence. She is happy, doing well, and set to graduate from the dream private U she transferred to next May (which will be 4 years after she was forced to leave HS0.</p>
<p>LMAO so they do so much prep-school level work in IB and then just flunks out in college? Wow, what a bunch of idiots. Why did they join IB in the first place? So they can go to college and say “oh this is too easy so I’m gonna go <2.0 GPA”??</p>
<p>Gee Melin… you seem to have a real issue. Yes, there are plenty of kids who think they know everything and then prejudge a situation when in reality they know nothing at all. Seems to me you should be well aware about this particular mindset since it seems to be your own. </p>
<p>And to say you aren’t an IB snob is to not read your own posts. While some IB programs are very good, I do not think that such a course of study prepares you unilaterally for the college experience. It’s like saying I went to CC for a year in HS and now can handle HYP with aplomb. Makes absolutely no sense. </p>
<p>Also… not all college course work is equal by a long shot. I don’t think it’s going out on a limb to say that the UofM’s intro to econ is very different animal for the same class at a school like Williams.</p>
<p>Gee Melin, why don’t you send us your college transcripts so we can judge you the way you are judging others! I think you need to play “nice” as everyone’s circumstances are different. Some schools don’t offer IB and in our area the top privates avoid the IB route and stick with AP’s. At my son’s school the only way to advance to an AP course the following year is to get a 4 or 5 on your test. Sounds pretty intense to me.</p>
<p>Does accepting full responsibility for his actions include having mommy or daddy fix the problem so he can be bailed out? </p>
<p>Tell him to get a job and save a slot in school for someone that wants to learn.</p>
<p>My son, too, was dismissed after his first semester from a small liberal arts school. I have been amazed as I read so many similar stories and 9/10 of them appear to be boys. I had no idea the number of students in this situation.</p>
<p>We received a certified letter on Jan 5 notifying us of his dismissal. We knew he was in jeopardy, after seeing his first grade report. The words though, that still ring in my ears are when I contacted the “freshman advisor” back in October, and she said to both my son and I, “I doubt you will be successful here. We have only had one student who was failing at this point able to pull his grades up enought to continue.” I, of course, couldn’t imagine that to be true. After all, just 6 weeks into college, and all the adjustments necessary, how could this college know that my son could not be a success? And, they spoke so frequently of the additional support for struggling students. Surely, those things would kick in.</p>
<p>I so believed (or wanted to believe) that there were many adults at the college looking out for my child. I was foolish to think that. Certainly, the services are available if you seek them. But what 18 yo male, who is struggling and spiraling downward raises his hand and seeks help? It’s just not their nature. And my son is skilled at masking his failures with his strong social skills.</p>
<p>My son had a couple medical issues right from the start, that both complicated and contributed to his lack of academic performance. As with everything - it’s all connected - mind, body and spirit. Again, somehow I thought a small residential college would be more tuned-in to kids. My son loved his college. He had good connections and friends. He was involving himself in college activities. He did skip classes, alot of them. And, even though he re-focused, he never fully caught up.</p>
<p>As hard as this has been, the good news is that my son did learn things, both academically and about himself, so hopefully, this very expensive experience has not been for naught. And, as parents, we are learning too. I have been stunned by the complete lack of communication from the college.</p>
<p>This is the third boy I have sent to college, and I must say, up til now it has gone pretty smoothly. That said, I regret not learning more about gap years or high school Post Graduate options. They are rarely talked about or emphasized in our community. There is SUCH a push to apply and start college. I regret no having him apply and then defer, taking a gap year. But by the time spring rolls around, and letters of acceptance and scholarships are rolling in, it takes a skilled parent to guide otherwise. </p>
<p>Bottom line, is that my son, like many 18 yo males, does not yet have the level of maturity that attending college and being an independent student requires, even though he is perfectly capable and smart enough. He really needs to learn independent study skills and time management. I have no idea how to teach that or when he will get it. I pray that it will come with maturity.</p>
<p>I know this is long, but I think colleges need to take a hard look at this issue and honestly assess how it is handled. Just the number of responses on this topic over the lat few days are mind-blowing. I think parents, teachers and counselors need to talk very openly about the kids who are sent packing after the first semester or first year and the implications it has. Options for kids post high school need to be readily explored - for ALL kids - because it is not always obvious who will fail or why. And, most troubling, we all need to talk about the alarming rate that young males are not applying, not attending, or quickly failing in our colleges.</p>
<p>ElizCT - great post! I totally agree with your last paragraph. I have asked my son’s prospective college how they handle this situation and I get the standard reply “their advisor will keep and eye on their grades, we have excellent writing and tutoring labs, etc.” </p>
<p>I am so very worried about this upcoming fall…</p>
<p>"I teach developmental psych and I often tell my students that my second child (the son) helped me become a much better parent. With child one, everything has been smooth and, until I had the second child, I was foolish to think my parenting skills were outstanding and contributed to the success of child one. I now know that child one simply “came out of the box” that way and her successes have little to do with my parenting and a whole lot more to do with her temperament, her interests, and perseverance. I have, over time, come to understand my second child has, in a psychological manner, given me so much in terms of my own growth. "</p>
<p>Ditto, except I practice Child Psychiatry instead of teaching developmental psych…</p>
<p>“And, most troubling, we all need to talk about the alarming rate that young males are not applying, not attending, or quickly failing in our colleges.”</p>
<p>Amen to that, and for me, especially “our” URM.</p>
<p>Melin,
Please don’t take this the wrong way…
but do you think that maybe one of the reasons Emory passed on you during the ED round is that your obnoxious attitude came through loud and clear in your application? Either in your essays, your letters of recommendation, or your interview (if you had one)?</p>
<p>This rollercoaster that we have been on this last week has been horrible, just horrible, but we are getting through it. Last August, I never imagined this outcome, heck, I didn’t even know about it in December. I still am stuck by how much communication there was in applying and then when accepted, and then when a student is asked to leave, not a whisper.</p>
<p>I wish I had been better prepared, though I am not sure you could ever be. But remarkably it is far more common than you think. Thank goodness for the internet. Thank goodness for good supportive friends. There is not alot of information, advice, or guidance but every little bit helps.</p>
<p>ElizCt I can feel your pain in your posts. Hopefully you have found enough existing posts that you know “this too shall pass.” While there might be an indicator of two in high school that might send up a warning bell about who will be successful and who will need more time, I totally believe that as parents, we just don’t know what will happen. I mentioned early that while S1 navigated and succeeded in adjusting I will be fully full of anxiety as we send S2 off in the fall. There is a ton of good advice in a number of threads worth reading as you figure out what path your family will take.</p>
<p>I posted earlier about the troubles we had accepting the fact that our son did not succeed during his Freshman year at a LAC but is now doing much better at the CC. I thought I’d share a quote I sent to him while he was at the LAC and it was obvious he was struggling. Despite him being a “macho guy” that doesn’t always let his softer side show, he told me how much he appreciated it and said he shared it with others…</p>
<p>“The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift…it is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I have ever earned.” ~ J.K. Rowling </p>
<p>Hope others benefit from reading it too.</p>
<p>@HImom (#164), thanks. Just to clarify: it was NOT the Military Academy (USMA, USNA, USAFA) where my son resigned. The Academies do not have such a dismissal policy. This occurred at a military college.</p>
<p>And yes, I will be forever grateful to the CC advisor who helped my son. Not surprisingly, he (the advisor) has been promoted to Dean. But I still toy with the idea of writing him to let him know what a difference he made to this one student.</p>
<p>Thanks momk, I just sent that quote to my son! It applies to just about everything in life! I have two sons in college (Skidmore and Swarthmore) and while they both love college, are finding the academics (especially Swarthmore) harder than anything they could imagine. All parents (especially of boys) should realize that college is a huge challenge academically for many many kids. No one tells us that when the acceptance letter comes. For all the parents of kids who did not go to expensive prep schools, have SAT mentors who helped them score a 2400, have invented new ways to travel to Mars, or found a cure for cancer, there are many of us out there who pray our kids can just graduate from college. Good luck and realize you are not alone!</p>
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<p>ElizCT, it does occur pretty frequently, in all socio-economic groups and with all types of students (from the class Val down to the student who ‘barely’ got in to any college).</p>
<p>If you start asking around, you would be surprised at the number of adults who did the “go to college, drop/flunk out, work for a while, go back to college” route. These are often adults whom you might never have suspected didn’t go straight to college and then to work.</p>
<p>I did this. After a few years of working, went back to college (on my own dime), completed my degree and eventually got a Master’s Degree. None of my siblings who went straight to college and graduated in 4 years went on to grad school.</p>
<p>My point is - you really can’t predict at this point the long-term outcome of your son’s dismissal. It’s hard as a parent to bear but chances are, he will find his way back.</p>
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<p>Yeah. I would like to believe that also but I don’t think it’s true for the majority of schools. Someone told me just yesterday that he was deeply disappointed in the lack of resources at Emory, where he had spent $200,000 on his daugther’s UG education. He said his D ended up doing well but she had many friends who struggled and no one there seemed to care. You would hope for $200,000 that someone would be looking out for your child but that’s not always the case. As a parent, who isn’t seeing their child regularly, it’s hard to know what is really going on. </p>
<p>This thread has been helpful to me. I will have a long talk with son before he leaves for college next August about the importance of attending all classes, the stress involved in the first year away from home and how he really needs to seek help early in the process before it gets out of hand. My son, also, is not one to ask for help. I really do think that college is a huge adjustment for most kids and some of them just aren’t ready to deal with that kind of freedom at 18.</p>
<p><<<melin, please=“” don’t=“” take=“” this=“” the=“” wrong=“” way…=“” but=“” do=“” you=“” think=“” that=“” maybe=“” one=“” of=“” reasons=“” emory=“” passed=“” on=“” during=“” ed=“” round=“” is=“” your=“” obnoxious=“” attitude=“” came=“” through=“” loud=“” and=“” clear=“” in=“” application?=“” either=“” essays,=“” letters=“” recommendation,=“” or=“” interview=“” (if=“” had=“” one)?=“”>>></melin,></p>
<p>Not really…I only become cocked up when certain subjects (like IB) comes up. I don’t really act like that in real life, either. I’m blaming IB for screwing me over so yeah I got some problems with this (our IB is magnet so everyone who droped out ends up with 4.5+ GPA in our surrounding schools it’s sooo ***. yeah while those who stay in and work hard will struggle to keep a 4.0 and even end up at a better college. Complete bullcrap). We’re not being compensated enough.</p>
<p>As for how good our IB program is… I don’t know. We send 10 DIFFERENT people into top 10 schools every year and some others in top 30.</p>
<p>I got personal issues with IB that I have no patience or the cool mindset to handle, and apparently I don’t give a… I avoid the subject at all costs in real life but I seem to be failing miserably on College Confidential (because I don’t know you people…). I can’t wait to graduate so I can put this all behind me.</p>
<p>My freshman son was floundering in his most demanding class in the middle of this just-completed fall semester. He went to the professor whose class he was having trouble in, got some help (including a do over on an important assignment), and ended up with a B- for the course. And a B- overall GPA for the semester. If you had asked me back in June, I would have predicted that when he began floundering he would bury himself in World of Warcraft and fail the course rather than go for help.</p>
<p>He is attending one of the Colleges That Change Lives schools. He needs a B- overall GPA to keep his scholarship. During the orientation, I was told in response to my direct question – that no one keeps tabs on scholarship students who are passing but not achieving at the needed level to keep their grant. They are on their own to figure it out.</p>
<p>My take-away from the above is:</p>
<p>1) You never know when the responsibility gene might kick in. My son could have very easily been in the same position as the OPs or ElizCts sons. We were just very lucky that the light came on when it did; well see if it stays on. There are many parents of sons who are holding their breath when they send them off to college. And maybe more who should be.
2) I think that if my son had been at a bigger school, even in the same size class, that it is much less likely that he would have approached the professor. Just finding the right office in a big campus, and at a time that the professor has office hours, can be intimidating for an 18-year-old. And I think many students dont want to approach a professor for help at the end of class and potentially be embarrassed in front of their peers.
3) But ultimately, even at a small college, the student is going to have to be the one to go for assistance. Despite their intimations of being more helpful and caring and accessible than big schools, most small colleges are going to be more reactive than proactive when their students are having academic difficulty. I think the colleges create false expectations on the part of parents although we parents have to take some responsibility for believing the party line and not asking enough questions.</p>