Daughter is home. We, her parents, are divorced. She is playing parents against each other in order to establish her own freedom, at a time when there are many social restrictions. Meanwhile, between us we pay for everything. She is being verbally disrespectful and dismissive. Her father does not co-parent and that creates more difficulty. Seeing a side of my daughter in general that wasn’t there before and it is making things very difficult.
Is it safe for you, if your daughter goes back and forth between you and your ex’s home? Is your spouse being careful in terms of COVID-19?
Your daughter should be respectful of your safety, remain home, go out for walks or drives without coming within 6 feet of others, and wear a mask. (At least in my state…)
Many of us are paying for everything for our kids right now. Mine are older but their places of work are closed. I haven’t paid for their groceries in years but I am now.
The dynamic between college students and parents can be dramatically different once they have been away from home, and requires adjustments. Given that this return home is not voluntary, and the end of the stay at home is uncertain, there is a lot of potential for tension.
If it gets too bad, many counselors are doing telehealth. Perhaps, though, a conversation recognizing how stressful this situation is, and cooperatively laying down some ground rules, is possible. Good luck.
My 15 year old is similar during quarantine. Very negative behaviors that weren’t quite there before. Totally manipulating the mom vs. dad angle whenever he can.
It’s hard. I feel your pain.
Is your daughter a freshman? I agree with @compmom and how difficult it is, but probably particularly so for freshmen - mine has said how difficult it is going from complete freedom (away at college) for the first time to being literally stuck back at home - it’s like they just got started on being adults and now they have to be kids again, without being allowed to do anything fun. The verbal disrespect etc may be a manifestation of frustration and possibly even depression. I know it’s hard but I’d try be more accommodative than usual. Telehealth is definitely a good suggestion.
Where does your D live most of the time and exactly what do you mean by your ex won’t “co-parent”? Is he just not interested in setting boundaries for her, he won’t talk to you, what?
I get it - it is a challenging age. My ex bought each of my two younger girls cars (like $5000 cars not new cars) - but my husband and I pay their insurance since they are students.
This week, one of my daughters decided to drive to visit her friend in another state when I explicitly said no to that, and my younger one came home telling me she was now ENGAGED to her boyfriend (they are both 19 for goodness sake and she has 2 more years of college).
I wanted to yell at them but instead I calmly explained that they apparently felt as though they were making adult decisions and wanted to have the privileges of that and therefore it was time that they took on the commensurate responsibility – then I handed them their car insurance bills for the summer.
Do you have a house you need painted or perhaps a hole for swimming pool dug?
For those with cars there are plenty of delivery jobs available, and some around her are looking for summer nannys as summer camps and activities are being cancelled.