Do parents "OWE" their kids a college education?

<p>It doesn’t matter whether you feel obliged to help your child, the state makes ridiculous requirements for loans which puts you in the seat of obligation so you should treat your child’s education like you owe them one, because if you don’t you may hurt your child’s chances of receiving one. Can anyone who says they don’t owe their child an education willingly say they will go out of their way to prevent their education, because that is what walking away from the college obligation can be. If a kid can’t get a loan for the right education or fulfill the 10% final payments scholarships force you to pay to colleges as some rubric of measuring your willingness to work for your education, then by ignoring FASFA forms that request parental information or not applying for PLUS loans is essentially blocking your child’s ability to attend college. I’m not saying this is fair but this is what is happening. </p>

<p>My personal feeling is that you should pay for half, especially the first year. Fifty years ago you owed them a ninth grade education to set them up with a good job. Nowadays you owe them a portion of the college degree or at least the equivalent of an associates. That does not mean they should not work during the summers and winters breaks, work weekends during high school or make every attempt to obtain scholarships and grants, that’s their job and what they owe you (and themselves). My grandparents made the mistake of withholding money for my dad’s education, it prevented him from successfully completing college and has made him less a man, and he has always had lesser jobs because of not finishing his degree. He was up for promotion about twenty times in his career and the lack of a degree and the fact his job prevented him from pursuing one made it impossible for him to move upward in his company, finally losing his job because he was made obsolete by those with degrees. That has crushed him, but before the loss of his job, he continued the same mentality with me and my siblings education. It took all of us several extra years to complete degrees, some as many as an extra decade because we lacked the resources to cover costs, but immediately as the degree was obtained, earnings doubled tripled and for a brother quadrupled. And the only thing my father has to say now is that he should have paid for the college at the beginning. If for no other reason than you love your children, you are obligated to cover the first two years of their education.</p>

<p>This is an old thread last posted in 2005. I think there have been a lot of similar discussions on CC since then. I would suggest a new thread if someone is really keen on this topic instead of resurrecting old threads.</p>

<p>I actually find this old thread (maybe that should be a weekly sticky segment), interesting, in an anthropological, sociological way. Nobody mentions, in 2005, how ridiculously expensive college is, of the size of loan debt. </p>

<p>I think our culture has changed. It’s interesting to see in which ways. </p>

<p>You could probably do some sort of graduate study just data searching CC. Somebody will at some point. Maybe Xiggi.</p>

<p>This thread is SEVEN years old.</p>

<p>It is. But, then, we are always saying to newcomers, “just do a search on that subject. it’s been discussed.”</p>

<p>I guess this is the oucome of that advice. :D</p>

<p>As far as the question “Do parents “OWE” their kids a college education?” goes, regardless of what people here think should be the answer, the colleges’ financial aid offices’ answer to the question is “yes” for “traditional” college students right out of high school (under 24 years of age, not married, not military veteran), unless they are poor enough that the expected family contribution is zero and the school meets full need.</p>

<p>

Your grandparents didn’t prevent your father from completing college. He made those choices himself. Many of us worked our own ways through college, by hook or by crook, and didn’t have help from our parents.</p>

<p>I feel that I personally owe it to my kids because my parents put me through school. So I feel that in a way, it’s my way to pay my parents back for their generosity. Quite simply, I would feel that I was being very selfish if I didn’t pay it forward.</p>

<p>I agree with marite above.</p>

<p>I agree that “owe” is not the right word. In this country, education is the great equalizer, providing the best chance for opportunities that will help your child become self-sustaining. In our family, education is a core value, and we brought DC up to understand that he WILL go to college and that it will be our last financial gift to him. I went back to work when DC entered kindergarten, and every penny I’ve made since has gone to his 529 (after fully funding my 401K; no education dollars saved until retirement is met). We are now paying for a New England boarding school that was NOT planned for, but is part of excelling child’s quest to become the best that he can be. When he showed that initiative and was accepted to that school, we just considered it to be college tuition early, and I will just continue to work until it is all paid for. We view education as a gift, not an obligation.</p>

<p>Originally Posted by qristopher
My grandparents made the mistake of withholding money for my dad’s education, it prevented him from successfully completing college and has made him less a man, and he has always had lesser jobs because of not finishing his degree.
Your grandparents didn’t prevent your father from completing college. He made those choices himself. Many of us worked our own ways through college, by hook or by crook, and didn’t have help from our parents. </p>

<hr>

<p>I actually have a different take on this. My dad’s parents DID prevent him from going to college. He made money, and they took it from him. He has carried the bitterness of being less than he could have been for more than 60 years. His parents were horrible people, and they played mind games with him so that he didn’t leave home to escape them. In his ethnic community, young men didn’t abandon their parents (even if their parents were deserving of being abandoned). Then came marriage, family, a gaggle of kids (pre-b.c. and Catholic), with no money to pay for school. So, it’s not always so cut & dried. Just saying …</p>

<p>It is not the “financial aid offices” that expect families to pay for their kids’ educations. It is the foundational principal of federal financial aid. It is also not a law that parents have to pay. They don’t have to … but the fact that they are expected to remains part of the equation. It is a reality that must be part of planning.</p>

<p>I don’t give thought to what other people do with their kids, it’s up to them (not all kids need to go to university, not all parents or kids value it, not all families can afford it). </p>

<p>But for us, I absolutely feel we owe our kids the best education we can afford (education being from K to finishing the education they need for their chosen occupation). It feels as much of ‘an obligation’ as say, providing a loving and supportive environment, books, clean clothes and nutritious food. </p>

<p>Spouse and I came from families that couldn’t afford to do much for us (we were the first and only in our families to ever go to college), and so we paid our own way through to professional degrees and then PhDs. But I don’t for a minute assume “I did it, anyone can!” I had a ton of luck and I don’t believe anyone can just find a way to cover university if they just really want it. Many of us get lucky, be it by genes, a great environment, or even serendipity. And our college was a lot cheaper back then! </p>

<p>Anyways, we were fortunate enough to be able to find ways to cover our college expenses back in the day when our families could not (and having lucked out in the IQ department to get scholarships is a part of it). And now I feel we are fortunate enough to be able to pay for our kids education and so planned accordingly. It doesn’t feel like a burden, but a privilege.</p>

<p>

I understand what you’re saying, and I don’t mean to demean anyone’s experience, but it nonetheless amounts to a set of choices. Your father did what he felt was best at the time, and he went the way life took him. It is what it is. A life of bitterness is neither healthy or helpful.</p>

<p>I feel like it’d be weird to invest so much in your kid and then drop out at the last minute. Sure, parents don’t have to provide their children with a college education. But they don’t have to provide their children with good nutrition and a safe environment either. Theoretically, I think a kid from a well-to-do family could find cheap, or even free, tuition somewhere. But they still have a high chance of being saddled with debt. Who wants their kid to start off their adulthood like that?</p>

<p>Our D said she NEVER realized that all kids don’t necessarily go to college until she was in middle or high school. She was shocked. I still remember her in pre-school & grad school, trying to decide whether she wanted to attend state flagship or unnamed OOS U. None of my grandparents went to college but some of their sibs did. My parents got bachelor’s degrees. Dad also got a grad & pro degree. Mom went back to get her masters once the youngest started kindergarten so she could teach special ed.</p>

<p>I guess for us, it was pretty much a given that we would at least provide our kids with a fully-funded college. We were prepared to pay for them to attend in-state flagship U but willing to let them go to OOS private U and have no regrets.</p>

<p>My sibs similarly are sending their kids through their chosen respective Us and grad school, as desired. So far, S has not decided to pursue grad school but his employer has a program to cover it if he opts to. D plans to work before deciding what to do next as well. </p>

<p>I feel that providing for whatever post-HS training/education kids are ready, wiling & able to pursue (within our means) is the way our kids will be able to make their way in the world.</p>

<p>The job H & I have, in addition to doing our best to fund their bachelor’s degrees in their chosen fields, is to make sure we have enough resources to provide for ourselves so they are not worrying about providing for us.</p>

<p>My criteria are as follows:</p>

<p>1) In general, In-state(IS): yes; OOS or Private - still only pay IS COA
2) For students aiming for professional schools: only IS colleges
3) Exceptional student aiming for business ~ 50% cost sharing for private school</p>

<p>I have a fund of ~$80 K for each of my three boys. If they can get scholarship, the fund go to their professional schools. Bonus will be considered if they do well and go to professional schools. I would like for them to borrow some money so that they know how difficult it is to pay down that debt.</p>

<p>Between scholarships and our help (we saved and lived reasonably), our kids are all graduating debt-free. What a gift! Of course, our kids also worked summers and helped themselves.</p>

<p>I feel sorry for some kids I know who are burdened with debt while their parents take lavish vacations. To each their own, but I would feel guilty knowing my children with homes & children of their own, were struggling to pay off old college loans.</p>

<p>I think if you can afford any portion of a kid’s college education then, yes, you do owe that portion to them. But, “afford” is a relative term and every family sees it differently. Diff’rent strokes.</p>

<p>Sure seem to be a lot of very old threads being resurrected lately…</p>

<p>Flashback…</p>

<p>Flashback indeed, but I like hearing different perscpectives on the topic. The one thing I will say that I think is absolute is - there is no right answer here. Depends on the child, the parents, the situation, etc.</p>

<p>For us - I am a first generation college grad, and a lawyer. Only child of a single mother with an absentee dad. I was blessed to have a mother who, although not “book” educated herself, valued knowledge and learning above all else. I guess now I should be thankful we were pretty flat broke poor. Went to a small LAC, graduated with $10K debt, and then another $15 for lawschool. Paid it back in 6 years.</p>

<p>Husband is electrician by trade, now management in a large industrial electr company. One of three, no college for any of them. One niece is now in college. He regrets now not going, and does not blame his parents at all, just recognizes that his parents did not know then the imprtance of higher education. </p>

<p>I have two kids who will get no financial aid. DD has decided she is going to JMU. She was accepted at 6 schools, 3 public 3 private. All the privates gave in excess of $15K in merit. She will go to OOS public, but still a reasonable choice based on what we have said we could provide. As my husband and I agreed - her EFC is determined by our earnings. It is impossible to say I should not contribure something since it is our earnings that make finanical aid not a reality for them. I was given a lot of financial aid because I could not afford it. I will gladly pay my share for both of them, assuming circumstances remain stable. I hope I have instilled in them the same thought expressed much earlier - pay it forward.</p>

<p>I feel I owe my kids a solid middle class college education like I had. That means the equivalent of an in-state public and we’re fortunate that they can go to sleep-away college. What they do with that depends on what they put into it. I feel that way as long as they don’t feel I owe them that and feel entitled to it. My son hasn’t shown any entitlement, my daughter starting next fall, has shown some sense of entitlement so we’re working on that.</p>