<p>Nice post, schoolwannabe. Your comments on golden ticket mentality vs. taking advantage of rich resources is spot on.</p>
<p>@scholwannabe, it would be greatly appreciated if you would stick to a single posting address rather than use your child’s. Not everyone here recognizes you are also RedBlueGoldGreen2 (or whatever). Particularly since under the other pseudonym you’re referred to return on your “investment” as a motivating factor.</p>
<p>@mhmm - We’re in complete agreement. I thought the attacks on the girl’s point of view on CC were unfair because - from her perspective her thoughts were valid. A significant chunk of our annual income goes to pay college and BS tuition and it takes a lot of sacrifices to manage it. I knew Exeter was a major factor in my ability to get into, and survive MIT. I hope that BS will allow my daughter infinite “possibilities.” Luckily it wasn’t the primary reason my D enrolled herself. It was the boredom and constant politics in public school that was leaving herself and her friends behind academically - even though they attended the “elite” local school. The rest is icing. We talk about Yale and Brown, but we don’t place undue emphasis on it. There are just too many other good schools with successful alum to limit her choices.</p>
<p>One thought that applies to both BS and Colleges - if they are only going to take a few - then the onus is on the student to figure out how to be one of those few. What I frequently find is that students become so focused on doing the “right” things, that they create resumes identical to their peers and are therefore indistinguishable in an admissions pile. Lots of great kids with perfect scores and AP courses - and nothing else. They find themselves perplexed when passed over for the kid who held a summer job, did something innovative, or exercised their personal passion in an unforgettable way. Or maybe that year the school needed a tuba and the pile was filled with piano players. The needs change every year, but the applicants don’t seem to get that.</p>
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<p>@123mama - you said it perfectly. </p>
<p>Again - there was an article by an Adcom who talked about whipping parents into a frenzy thus increasing their application numbers knowing they would reject those same students in the end. Making them seem even more elite and desirable. </p>
<p>BS is a help, but not a iron-clad guarantee. Those students and parents who agonized over not getting a “top choice” or who have made snide comments about “second tier” schools being less than the best will find themselves facing the same angst when it comes time to apply to their coveted IVY’s. It’s a wake-up call, for sure. </p>
<p>Those of us with perspective will just take it in stride that the right school will pick our child and vice versa. You’re definitely on the right track!</p>
<p>If the college counseling office is lowering expectations, the editorial writer does have a point. He wrote:
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<p>What happened? Kenyon’s Dean of Admission didn’t look at Exeter’s school profile: <a href=“http://www.exeter.edu/documents/2011_Profile_for_Colleges(1).pdf[/url]”>http://www.exeter.edu/documents/2011_Profile_for_Colleges(1).pdf</a>. In the last few years, dozens of Exonians have matriculated to elite colleges, much more than “3 to 5.” </p>
<p>I favor encouraging students to have an open mind about colleges. At all high schools, (even Exeter), most students will not end up matriculating at Harvard. When one addresses students at Exeter, however, one should adjust the statistics to reflect reality. For the classes of 2008-2010, 42 attend Harvard. 36 Yale. 25 MIT. 16 Williams. 15 Johns Hopkins. 17 Stanford. 22 Carnegie Mellon. (and other fine colleges.) Even dividing the figures by three doesn’t bring the number of students attending elite colleges down to “3 to 5”.</p>
<p>We can argue over perceptions of entitled behavior. We can argue over the difference in workload between Exeter, other boarding schools, and local public high schools. (Who could tell? You can only attend one high school at a time.) It’s not realistic, however, to claim that Exonians don’t do very well indeed in the college admissions sweepstakes. </p>
<p>By the way, is this the same Kenyon Dean of Admissions who provoked a fuss a few years ago over differences in admission rates for male and female students?</p>
<p>My son went to Blair Academy for 4 years and loved it. He got involved in activities, leadership roles, tried new sports, and got to know many faculty members. He was also a good student and was elected into the honor society.</p>
<p>All this helped him for college admissions. I think he had 2 very strong recommendations from 2 teachers who knew him well. Now he i attending a top 10 university and is very happy with his choice.</p>
<p>So in his case, going to Blair helped him. What is important is that it was a good fit for him. He got involved because he was happy there. </p>
<p>To generalize, which might not be true for everyone, those students who get involved in the boarding community and stand out, have a better chance at good college choices.</p>
<p>^^Although we as parents may want to hair split rankings between SSATs, SATs, facilities, AP courses, ad nauseum, what Burb Parent points out is the forest for the trees. From one perspective, the differences between these schools are so slight, it is what the student has made of the experience–and how s/he can demonstrate that–that matters more than the seal on the diploma. (Hope this constitutes having “moved on”!)</p>
<p>I regret posting the article not becasue it was an infringement of copywright. Exonian is a free subscription right now that anyone has access to. I regret it because what I meant to be a discussion among BS parents on issues related to BS and how we should perceive, help out or in some cases influence the school so our kids at BS can have a better experience elicited some attacks to the author of the article and BS kids in general. It’s hurtful to see words like “entitled”, “narrow-minded” and “narcissistic” thrown around for one kid’s opinion which while not well blanced clearly reflects the reality BS students are facing and has some valid points.</p>
<p>As for the issue in discussion, many of you have made some good points. As expressed earlier in the thread, I think college admission is becoming increasingly competitive, so CCO of BS should be more proactive, start the process sooner and involve parents so they can help out. As the author suggests, focusing on how to tackle the challenges is more valueable than spending time on “lowering expectations”. Believe it or not, the kids as well as parents are more mature than they are given credit for. When all has been tried and they feel everyone involvd has done their best, they’ll accept the outcome with less/no hard feelings.</p>
<p>Agree with DAndrew about the need to stick to discuss topics here and respond elsewhere to newspaper op-ed pieces.</p>
<p>For those who are inclined to give a reality check to student op-ed writers, this is not the forum. The article was neither published here nor intended to appear here. The way to share wisdom with the student is to send in a letter, signed under your real name, and submit it for publication in the school paper according to their policy for reader responses. Posting anonymous smack-downs on a message board that the author probably never visits is not a valid way to make a point to the student or engage in a dialogue with the student. It’s not that student authors can’t handle the criticism or lack the maturity to have their views subjected to feedback…it’s that the criticism being thrown around here amount to brickbats in the ether.</p>
<p>DAndrew - giving a link is one thing - posting the word for word content of the article is another. It doesn’t matter if Exonian is a free subscription. What matters is that it is copyright protected. That’s a matter of federal law. The post of the article does not constitute fair use, nor was the author notified of it.</p>
<p>Hence - why there is a firewall on the homepage - so Exeter can monitor the distribution of the content outside of its walls.</p>
<p>When things like that happen, it won’t be long before the paper goes to closed submission for alum and affiliates only.</p>
<p>^^You can have your take on it. I was just expaining why I regret posting the article.</p>
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<p>In regards to that, — from the US patent and copyright office:[U.S</a>. Copyright Office](<a href=“http://www.copyright.gov%5DU.S”>http://www.copyright.gov)</p>
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<p>Owners and authors do not have to explicitly prohibit unauthorized use even in “freely” distributed communications to be protected. The courts would likely rule that the use of a firewall to control distribution is further evidence that they didn’t want content posted on a public board without their knowledge. Public domain is usually reserved for those works old enough to be out of copyright protection. The author is covered for her life plus 50+ years regardless of whether she was compensated or not.</p>
<p>The taking of the work for posting here doesn’t constitute “fair use.”</p>
<p>I expect the students to have lapse in judgment, we’re expecting the adults to set an example for them.</p>
<p>^^Give it a break will you please. Save that digital ink and just move on.</p>
<p>I guess the name matters…so many people think it does that it may be a self-fulfilling prophecy…but I can’t say I’ve had a 100% positive experience with the products of the “good names” - whether BS or College - in the subsequent 35 years. I am in the mode right now of “just make sure they get to a place in which they can develop productive habits”, and hoping that I’m not kidding myself by thinking my kids don’t need the same names on their resumes that I have. (Exie - I need a pep talk - am I kidding myself, or are my kids going to be okay regardless?)</p>
<p>I am reminded of a conversation I had long ago with a neighbor, who was trying to put her son into one private day school, which would be a good fit for him, while her ex-husband was arguing for a larger more well-known school. His reason was “he’ll make more contacts there”. My first response was “yeah, the contacts will be his middle-school drug dealer”, but I think the real underlying reason was that the parent wanted to make some connections, and perhaps was thinking that the cost was so high, he had to get more out of it than just an educated kid. So be it. </p>
<p>Right now I have one kid (10th grader) happily charging ahead at Culver, but now trying out the “I don’t want to go to college because its not creative enough” speech, and the other (8th grade) wanting to go to BS in New England when I think he needs to get some Midwest into his experience. </p>
<p>We are parents, we will soldier on -</p>
<p>ssac–we choose a HADES school for S after being in awe by the name cache and it has been a mistake. He is not thriving, but is reluctant to leave because he’s a driven and determined sort. Pick the school that’s right for the son and have no regrets.</p>
<p>grinzing, not sure if you want to hear this, but I think you S will be all right in the long run. There is a long way ahead of him beyond high school. Many boys mature relatively late compared with girls of same age, but they have “a longer period” to develop. At least the current “social norm” is that men are expected to focus on their careers their whole life while women are expected to at least partially “take some time off” to shift their roles more family oriented. So although he’s apparently not mature enough to make full use of the resources and opportunities provided to him, i.e. not thriving, don’t stress. Everyone is different in terms of maturity level at a certain age. It doesn’t mean he will not be thriving in the future.</p>
<p>Attending one of the best high schools in the world will inevitably leave some marks in his life, which may not show until much later in his life. His teachers and peers will be part of him all his life. I understand where you are from - yes, maybe the school could do better in paying more individual attention to him and help him thrive, but it is not as you expected and this is the reality we need to deal with. Had he stayed in a local school close to home, with your support he may be doing better and may end up in a better college. However, at the end of the day, if he’s not motivated to excel and doesn’t develop that self drive that’s so critical to the success in life, so what? </p>
<p>Keep being the nagging parent and help him along as much as you can, but try to be positive. Hope I helped in some little way.</p>
<p>@ssacdfamily
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<p>No - you’re not kidding yourself. </p>
<p>@Grinzing said it perfectly. </p>
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<p>We did that and we’re thrilled with the outcome. She’s happy and thriving even in the tough environment. I have one daughter who was happy staying home - it fit her personality - and one daughter who craved being in NE. </p>
<p>The “cache” that people crave on these boards - that they think they will get from attending a HADES – often turns out to be elusive at best. A myth perpetuated by people on the outside. </p>
<p>Those of us who have gone and survived it know that the only real true goal should be a good strong education in a climate that is best for our individual kids.</p>
<p>You’ll be okay - because you’re asking all the right questions and blocking out all the uninformed “noise.”</p>
<p>grinzing - hang in there - it may get better. My D is a senior at a BS and she had her ups and downs. Let’s face it - teenage years are rough at BSs AND PSs.</p>
<p>IMHO, one big downside of the BS is that making contacts attitude . Those parents make me crazy and can be so blatantly obvious. We are not anyone special and so my daughter seems to get fewer outside invites from certain families. Ironically, some so called A list parents seem to encourage friendship with my daughter since she is doing so well there (good grades, lots of activities, steady personality.) Also, it’s more of an issue with the parents than the kids.</p>
<p>Not that PSs dont have their own special versions of social angst. However, I think especially helpful qualities for a BS student is a tough skin and a good sense of self.</p>
<p>I think prep schools increase the chance a student will get into a college which “fits”. </p>
<p>When we were considering options for our oldest child, we registered her for our local high school as well. There were limits on the number of extracurricular interests a student could pursue. A student could be a member of one singing group, but not two. One band, but not two. Music or art, but not both (because they were scheduled at the same time.) If a student wanted to do any arts electives, they had to give up lunch. The school intended to get as many students involved in extracurricular activities as possible, but in order to do that, the school also limited students’ ability to follow an interest at school.</p>
<p>After 3+ years at a boarding school, it’s possible for a student to take AP Music Theory, sing in two performing groups, and write her own compositions. Or, take advanced math courses, even as an independent study, compete on the math team, and submit a paper on a mathematical topic for publication. I could make up other hypothetical seniors. The advisor system, the small class sizes, and faculty and students living and eating together make it possible.</p>
<p>It is easier to create a portfolio of work when you have the opportunity to explore your strengths with consistent guidance. It is easier to create a list of colleges which best fit your interests when you have had time to discover and explore your talents. Which college is best for a student with an interest in ceramics? I don’t know, but the school’s art teachers would. In public high schools, a few exceptional students may have the good luck to form close friendships with teachers. In boarding schools, when it works well, it’s unusual for students not to make close connections with their advisors and teachers.</p>
<p>All - thanks for the wise words - so needed (takes a village to raise a parent too!)</p>
<p>Couple of random thoughts on the last couple of posts - </p>
<p>Grinzing - another “hang in there” from me - and applause for your kid’s determination, wherever it takes him. The teenage years are indeed tough. </p>
<p>Periwinkle - one more piece of the puzzle is that in boarding school, everything is less than 5 minutes away, whereas at home everything seems to be at least a 20 minute drive, and for us it was never less than 40 minutes. That sure cuts into time you could be using to explore. </p>
<p>Exie, Mema - pep talk gratefully received!</p>
<p>ssacdfamily–right! and, as students often start new groups, it’s much easier to reschedule a club meeting if everyone can walk to the meeting, rather than coordinating rides.</p>
<p>Your “I don’t want to go to college because it’s not creative enough” made me smile. The really creative kids seem to catch on quickly that there are different ways to enter adulthood. My sister-in-law tried that out on her parents, way back when. They arranged for her to work in a factory (without air conditioning) for a summer. All of a sudden, college was much more attractive.</p>