“not a beach trip or frat party. I have yet to find an employer who appreciates the prioritization of parties over work”
event planning where parties ARE work 
mathmom that is an example of what I call the “head in the sand” approach, often used by my kid with ADHD but certainly a universal strategy of denial…
@roethlisburger NOONE is diagnosing ADHD. It is only suggested to check it out one more time, since many of us have had the experience of misdiagnosis in the past. Diagnosis DOES indeed bring solutions, and not just in the form of meds. It also can inform the parental approach.
ps ADD is not used anymore
The thing is, @compmom , I don’t think the parental approach needs to be more informed. Even if this young man does have a diagnosed condition, he is going to have to find a way to manage or work around it in adult life, including college. Many adults with conditions find compensatory strategies to offset the problems caused by a condition, and if he has one, he will too. Whether he sets alarms on his phone or writes reminders by his toothbrush or just sets aside 30 minutes a day to go over his responsibilities pending, he will need to find a way to way to work around it, assuming he is motivated to do so. Whether that motivation exists is a separate problem.
It’s not always that easy. Not always a matter of “just do it.” Or a kid flailing around while he tries to intuit the right ways for him.
The point of knowing whether the kid has ADHD (or some other condition) is that it will inform the parental strategy going forward. I personally would react very differently depending on whether my son was simply lazy and irresponsible vs struggling as hard as he could with something that was beyond his control.
That’s why my advice was to figure out WHY the kid is behaving the way he is – including, but not limited to, ruling out ADHD.
The student’s choices are not irrational-given an option, I think all of us would rather go to the beach than to work. Who wouldn’t? What keeps us from doing so is the consequences of such action-getting fired from work, not making the mortgage payment, whatever. If I could go to the beach everyday without consequences,I might too. This young man either does not consider the consequences, or does not believe there will be any. He may very well be correct, depending upon his past experience. So the task now is to turn around that magical thinking to accept the reality that consequences do occur in the adult world.
I went back and reread OPs initial post. So the school does give the students time to “gear up” and get acclimated, giving them three semesters to get the required GPA to keep the scholarship.
I would be just as annoyed and disappointed as the OP and I still think I’d give him one more semester to fulfill his responsibilities. If he does, fantastic! If not, then this school is not an option. Just too much immature and sneaky behavior up until now. However, with a year under his belt, a job he’s excited about and understanding what the consequence is if he doesn’t do his part, I think he has a better chance of better managing his time and doing what needs to be done.
You’re drawing too straight a line between choices and consequences. It doesn’t always work that way.
In ways, it’s also magical thinking to believe everyone can just think their way through this.
If the kid had a physical issue, would you similarly say, just get over it?
We don’t know what’s behind this fellow’s mis-choices. Only that it’s frustrating enough to consider pulling him out.
People don’t get over physical disorders. They do get over magical thinking and immaturity, which seems to be what the doctors say this is. Not always easily or willingly, but it is done by most adults.
Of course they can get over physical issues. Not always, of course.
IF this kid has a thinking or processing disorder, dont just call it magical thinking or immaturity. That’s not fair. It’s a form of blaming and does NOT always apply.
The psychiatrist who examined the man called it that. I assume he knows more than we do.
Why are we debating?
I don’t agree there’s a clear difference between laziness and beyond his control. Maybe, all lazy people are that way because their brains are wired to be lazy. It doesn’t change the reality most employers won’t interview anyone with less than a 3.0. Whether he has ADHD or executive function disorders or not, there’s no point in keeping someone in school unless there’s a realistic plan for him to get at least a 3.1 next year.
“t doesn’t change the reality most employers won’t interview anyone with less than a 3.0.”
That’s not accurate. MOST employers don’t even ask about GPA.
For hiring out of college, NACE surveys indicate that most employers do use GPA as a screen for whom to prioritize for interviews, and 3.0 is the most common cutoff.
After post college work experience, college GPA becomes less relevant.
Most employers for a new grad won’t ask about GPA? I would like to see a citation for that. That certainly wasn’t true at any employer that I’ve ever worked for.
The type of people who fill out those surveys are skewed towards larger employers. Plenty of jobs are created by smaller who don’t have HR people filling out those surveys. Therefore, extrapolating from a NACE survey doesn’t give a clear picture of hiring decisions across the board.
Anecdotal but neither I nor my kids have ever been asked about college GPAs nor is it on my kids resumes even though they are decently above a 3.0. I’m sure there are plenty of people with the same experience.
There are plenty of students with sub-3.0 GPAs yet they seem to find work.
^Having looked at literally hundreds of publicly posted job applications for engineering, I can say almost all of the junior positions will ask for GPA. At the few places which don’t ask for it explicitly, it may still come up during the initial phone interview if you don’t list it on your resume. Now, at a startup, where you got hired because you were roommates or friends with someone that already works there, the hiring process may be a lot less formal and your resume may bypass HR.
The minds of people with executive functioning issues don’t process things in such a black and white manner. If they did, they wouldn’t have executive functioning issues.
There are doctors who misdiagnose. I have a kiddo with three learning disorders. She’s been tested multiple times over the years. There’s one neuropsych who reported she had zero learning issues – absolutely none – and yet she has 3. I didn’t realize until a lengthy conversation after we got the results that she doesn’t believe in dyslexia or it’s cousins, dysgraphia, and dyscalculia. She thinks they’re labels parents use because they don’t want to admit their kid is stupid.
"Having looked at literally hundreds of publicly posted job applications for engineering, I can say almost all of the junior positions will ask for GPA. "
I have zero experience with engineering jobs so will take your word on that profession. In the instance of the young man on his thread, he’s not an engineering major. Not all industries are that way.
Additionally, from his mother’s description, he does appear to have a lot of connected buddies which is a way a lot of people secure jobs.