<p>Our son is a freshman at and is part of an econ honors program. We have access to his email (no he does not know) and noticed he not attending class, not handing in papers ... all the things one is to do. We have at length discussions, however, nothing seems to work. He loves there and wants to go back. We told him if he does not get at-least Bs he will not attend next semester ... he tells his older sister were mean and threatening and will not follow through. He needs to obtains a B average to maintain his scholarship. What's wrong ... we think he's addicted to video games. We tell him to stop but he just lies and tells us what we want to hear ...We're at our wits-end. Just a week left and he never attended his classes today. Emailed his teachers either slept/sick. BTW, We quite sure he does not do drugs nor drinks. Suggestions</p>
<p>Tell him that if he loses his scholarship, he'll have to come home, get a job, and go to the community college. Then follow through.</p>
<p>We did in fact tell him that and he said since his scholarship was based on an annual basis - he still has next semester to save himself. As much as that may be true - we don't think there will be a change in his attitude regarding the seriousness of his education and don't really want to waste any more money if he isn't going to apply himself. We can't figure out how to motivate him. He has the ability and says he wants to stay there but his actions don't show it.</p>
<p>Video game addiction can be quite serious. There was a thread a year or so ago which discussed this issue. This addiction can interfere with school, sleep, normal eating patterns and social interaction. I don't know how you will determine if your son is addicted to excessively playing video games, but perhaps he has a friend you know who can help you.</p>
<p>Thanks! We don't know any of his friends as he has just started there - do you think the counseling staff would be able to assist us - or is that not what they are for in college?</p>
<p>You could certainly check with the counseling staff and with the RA in your son's dorm.</p>
<p>The first semester is virtually done. Presuming you have access to his final grades you should know soon where your S stands. Personally I wouldn't wait. I'd contact your S's Faculty Advisor ASAP and ask that he check. Contacting the counseling staff and the dormitory RA are important of course, but I doubt either would have access to your S's grades. Yes it's possible to raise a 2.5 to a 3.0, but it's a considerable challenge. Good luck with this.</p>
<p>Thanks - that's the kind of stuff we are looking for. This is a learning experience for us and we weren't aware there was a "Faculty Advisor" for him. We will be making that call tomorrow. Thanks again!</p>
<p>"We have access to his email (no he does not know) and noticed he not attending class, not handing in papers ... all the things one is to do."</p>
<p>Sorry, but while that may be appropriate to do for younger children due to potential predators, it's not appropriate for parents to do with a college student. </p>
<p>My advice is to set a reasonable gpa a level, and if he doesn't reach that, to not pay for second semester. Do not provide him with $ for college until he proves himself by getting decent grades in college for at least one semester.</p>
<p>My advice is based on my experience with older S who bombed his first semester in college despite being their on a virtually full ride merit scholarship. With S's approval, H flew to the college to meet with S and his advisor, and the advisor bent over backward to give S courses that S liked second semester, and even arranged for S to take a workshop in time management.</p>
<p>S then got even worse grades second semester, and then dropped out of college, and moved away from home (managed to have a lucrative summer internship and lucrative 6 month job).</p>
<p>S is now 24, lives far away, supports himself, but never went back to college.</p>
<p>We applied that lesson with younger S. Warned younger S that if he got senioritis in h.s., we would not pay for college until he proved to us by getting at least a 3.0 average in college that it would be worth it for us to invest in his college education.</p>
<p>S got senioritis, did a gap year volunteering with Americorps while living at home and paying rent (House rule: After graduating from h.s., no offspring can live at home unless they are in college or are working and paying rent.). Then, he went to college -- with some merit aid, plus big loans. Did excellently in college, including getting great grades while also doing productive ECs and making friends.</p>
<p>S is now a soph, and H and I are providing the financial help we had promised. From what I can tell, he's still talking his work seriously, and is rooming with students who also are very smart, serious and on merit aid.</p>
<p>If your son is 18, the university may not be able to share any information with you without your son's explicit permission.</p>
<p>As long as your son is your dependent you have access to your son's information. You do not need his permission. Some schools may not be interpreting the law correctly. I have cut and paste that information on another thread, and my sister (a lawyer) has also confirmed that.</p>
<p>"Inappropriate" and "illegal" access to a child's email are two different things.</p>
<p>My daughter's school's adminstration and professors have freely shared my daughter's information with me. I always let my daughter know whenever I am to make a call. I did it a few times when she was a freshman, but this year there has been no reason for me to do. I have access to her school acct, which shows her grades, I have no issue in looking at it because I am paying for it.</p>
<p>I would speak with his advisor and RA. If there is an addiction problem or inability to work independently, I would not have him return to school next semester. He may need some counseloring or more supervision until he is ready to be on his own.</p>
<p>OP may not have gotten the info in an appropriate manner, but it's close enough to the end of the semester that she shouldn't mention anything about the e-mail. If parents are paying for any part of the bill, they have a right to see grades. If it is, in fact, bad news, there is a form the college will have a form that he can sign, allowing parents access to grades. This form is called a FERPA. Make him sign it. Give him one more chance during second semester. In the meantime, try to enlist the help of people at the college. I'm sure they've dealt with this problem before.</p>
<p>I second MomOfWildChild's opinion on the dangers of video game addiction. OP, you mention that you believe you S does not do drugs or drink, but the video game thing can be nearly as bad. I say "nearly" in that it does not have the physical consequences (thankfully) but in emotional and social terms, it as much of an "escape from reality" as chemicals. The behaviors of someone addicted are every bit as compulsive. I speak from both firsthand and secondhand experience.</p>
<p>REgarding the privacy issues: My understanding is that a college may not legally release information (grades for instance) of a student who is of majority age to anyone (parents included) unless the student has provided a signed release. </p>
<p>(Ohers, chime in if I have that wrong - my wife the college professor says that's the way it is.)</p>
<p>If that is the case then you may not have legal access to your S' grades. </p>
<p>Here is what we are doing with our son: We're paying tuition. He goes to a very good school. If he doesn't make a "B" average or better, we'll stop paying tuition. We know he's capable, and yes, we may make exceptions if there is a really good reason. Maybe.</p>
<p>Earlier this semester, he failed to turn in a paper and we found out about it. It will hurt his grade. We used that incident to require him to sign the waiver giving us access to his grades. Again, it's our money, and he has to perform.</p>
<p>Oh, atwitsend, I am *so afraid *that I'm going to be submitting the idencial post in a year's time. Son is a HS senior but I fear the same issues. Husband says we just shouldn't let him go away, but I guess if he's going to screw up and fail, we need to let him do that instead of just predicting he will fail. I hope things work out.</p>
<p>Interesting to think of the concept of video game addiction with my son. We used to have a "no electronics during the week" rule. But Son is very ADD and at night video games really* do *have a calming effect on him....kind of like what adults say about alcohol, huh? So then the 15 minutes of a game at the end of the evening (when all homework is done) becomes an hour of a game before he does homework. Again, you could draw an apt analogy to adult alcohol use. Interesting to think about.</p>
<p>When may a school disclose information to parents of dependent students?</p>
<p>Under FERPA, schools may release any and all information to parents, without the consent of the eligible student, if the student is a dependent for tax purposes under the IRS rules.
Can a school disclose information to parents in a health or safety emergency?</p>
<p>The Department interprets FERPA to permit schools to disclose information from education records to parents if a health or safety emergency involves their son or daughter.
Can parents be informed about students' violation of alcohol and controlled substance rules?</p>
<p>Another provision in FERPA permits a college or university to let parents of students under the age of 21 know when the student has violated any law or policy concerning the use or possession of alcohol or a controlled substance.
Can a school disclose law enforcement unit records to parents and the public?</p>
<p>Additionally, under FERPA, schools may disclose information from "law enforcement unit records" to anyone - including parents or federal, State, or local law enforcement authorities - without the consent of the eligible student. Many colleges and universities have their own campus security units. Records created and maintained by these units for law enforcement purposes are exempt from the privacy restrictions of FERPA and can be shared with anyone.
Can school officials share their observations of students with parents?</p>
<p>Nothing in FERPA prohibits a school official from sharing with parents information that is based on that official's personal knowledge or observation and that is not based on information contained in an education record. Therefore, FERPA would not prohibit a teacher or other school official from letting a parent know of their concern about their son or daughter that is based on their personal knowledge or observation.</p>
<p>This is from ed.gov, FPCO</a> Frequently Asked Questions</p>
<ol>
<li>If I am a parent of a college student, do I have the right to see my child's education records, especially if I pay the bill?</li>
</ol>
<p>As noted above, the rights under FERPA transfer from the parents to the student, once the student turns 18 years old or enters a postsecondary institution at any age. However, although the rights under FERPA have now transferred to the student, a school may disclose information from an "eligible student's" education records to the parents of the student, without the student's consent, if the student is a dependent for tax purposes. Neither the age of the student nor the parent's status as a custodial parent is relevant. If a student is claimed as a dependent by either parent for tax purposes, then either parent may have access under this provision. (34 CFR § 99.31(a)(8).)</p>
<p>We, too, have an extended family member who had so much promise and ended up being addicted to video games during college. And he was an engineering major!!!! He had to drop out and attend community college to bring up his grades...ended up graduating from UCD in 6 yrs. One yr later...living at home, volunteering at his local CC and collaborating with a friend to develop...yet another game!!! Oh well...</p>