‘Pushing’ sounds like a bad idea. You can encourage and guide, but ‘pushing’ doesn’t sound like a good thing for success in life.
Some parents are truly horrid. Once, at an admitted student weekend, one of the university hosts who had just finished with midterms had an emotional breakdown because their parents called to berate them over a midterm result. And this is at a good college, right?
Yes and no. They decided which AP classes to take. We have had more influence in their other classes to take, something fun or at least try something such as Art. Recommended to D1 to take a programming class since it is a requirement for her degree. We do check grades to make sure they haven’t fallen behind. D1 has two off periods next year just like this year. This has allowed her to do most of her homework at school. As she has no desire to go to a top 20 school, I haven’t said anything as she gets to bed by 9 pm. She is cranky if she doesn’t get enough sleep.
No, it’s the exact same hand, ucbalumnus. In our district anyway, if parents are going to do any worrying or pushing, they need to start much earlier than many people think. The parents who say, “Oh, who cares if he does his summer reading or not! He deserves some time off to have fun. He’s only in fifth grade, for Pete’s sake!” or “Middle school doesn’t matter. Colleges only see your high school transcripts,” have a right to feel that way but may not appreciate the consequences. How the student performs in fourth and fifth grade determines their middle school placement. Performance in middle school–and that includes completion of summer assignments–determines high school placement. Once the student starts high school he is already on a defined course path along with a cohort. While it’s easy to drop down to a less demanding path, it would take summer courses, perfect placement exams, and whole a lot of pleading to get a kid into the AP track if he doesn’t start high school already on it.
Pushing a kid to take AP’s, therefore, is not as necessary in our experience as pushing the student to work as hard as is required to do well in those AP’s.
Short answer yes, that’s why we frequent CollegeConfidential.
I have three kids with a ten year span between the oldest and youngest. For the last five years or so I’ve been able to observe the chickens comin’ home to roost for hometown kids the middle and oldest went to high school with. Pretty much without an exception, the ones with laissez faire parents have not done very well. One mom confessed her D asked, “Why didn’t you push me more in school?” The son of another mom told her he wished he had worked harder in high school. I know it’s a big country and YMMV, but around here the economy is such that there is not a lot of room in the workforce for the merely average.
I had to pull mine from her doing her homework for too long, pilled her off her papers / books and scream at her that enough is enough. Pursuit of Perfection is not always the most efficient way of doing things. I had to install in her mind that Perfection could be counterproductive also. I even called her principal at school to discuss this issue. She said that in her several decades working in school, I was the first parent who complained about it and she did not have an answer. This was my pressure.
I let my D. to be in everything that her heart desired, so I ended up driving her to 5 different activities after work when she was 7 and waited patiently until she dropped some of them. Did not push her to drop. Eventually, she ended up with only 3 that lasted all thru graduating from HS, while one resulted in minor at college and another she had to drop after freshman year at college, realizing that she simply does not have time. She is still engaged a bit with the third one - likes to go to those Painting things for adults with her friends, you pay some $45 and can paint a certain picture for couple hours.
One thing that both of us did to her was to spoil her as much as we could. it seemed to work very well. I guess, you can call it pressure also.
No. I sent DS to a high school that would do all that for me. 
The difference between a school and an involved parent is that the parent can provide the highly individualized guidance to their kid at a level which no school can reach. If your kid is already a type A who is driving herself crazy, what you as a parent need to do is help her relax and learn how to give up. If your child is a smart slacker with lots of potential wasted, then you as a parent should push him to do more. OP’s question is aggressive and sounds like targeting an extreme subset of parents who are slaving their kids for their own pride. In real life? Most parents are neither that crazy nor so laid back to let their kids to pursue their passion “freely”. Because - be honest, how many kids are “passionate about” an AP class? And how many kids’ “passion” would be playing video games all day? Have you tried to “make” a kid who is barely able to handle his schoolwork study for SAT in middle school? Let’s give parents some credit. Most of them do have common sense.
Well stated. I posted this thread about a year and a half ago in sophomore year. I’ve done my best to grow as a person and have done so with different ways of viewing and thinking. You’re reply is 100% correct, effectively obliterating any of my “claims”.
Just using some good old fashion spontaneity
Speaking from the kid’s point of view. The only pressure my parents ever put on me was to slow down and enjoy life. They’ve encouraged me to take LESS AP classes and work less (not that I listened). They don’t understand what I studied in undergrad, grad school, or now that I’m a PhD student… but they support my passions because they’re mine.
I had very laissez faire parents. I’m grateful and it worked for us. My parents wouldn’t have known how to pressure me if they tried.
Why is there such a pressure to go to so called top tier schools? Personally I think I’d excel in a small college with a good physics program.
Do you ever get nervous at the way society deems someone with a non stem major?
Dasani, are you directing your questions to anyone in particular?
Personally, I’m not a STEM person though my research has been very quant-heavy for the last few years. MOST of society doesn’t care about STEM vs non-STEM so no, it doesn’t make me nervous.
My oldest took one AP course in high school. We didn’t know enough to push him and I am so thankful for that! He went to a state flagship and got a phenomenal job in his major when he graduated. He is doing incredibly well and I can’t imagine that he could have done any better had he taken more APs.
I nudge… when my DD was choosing classes Freshman year…I did urge honors classes, but when she wasn’t sure about spanish 2 vs. 3 I said that was one to take it “easier” on if she wanted. I have urged her to get involved in activities that she was open to…for example, she wants to be a doctor so I urged/facilitated her starting some hospital volunteering.
@GossamerWings: For the sake of argument and fun, do you regret letting your son take that one AP class because it sounds like he would’ve had no problem getting in your state flagship and landed a phenomenon job without that one AP? Unless you think his success was due to that he took exactly one AP class, no more or no less. Or, is it a possibility that your ability to imagine “he could have done any better had he taken more APs” is the problem? 
“Be frank with yourself: Do you make your kids take too many APs,” No. Actually, I tried to talk one daughter out of two of them but she insisted and second daughter out of one so far but she also insisted.
" of which they aren’t even passionate about"; No. Unlike most kids, they like learning. What they hate is being trapped in a class with kids who range from don’t care to actually getting into fights, learning nothing yet being forced to do stupid busywork. Oldest described the AP classes as “a breath of fresh air”.
“make them take SAT test prep in middle school”; Nope, I am firmly against this.
"make them study in a superfluous fashion? " Not really except that I do insist on SAT prep in high school. Many times I had to tell the younger one to stop working, it doesn’t have to be perfect and it’s not worth any more time.
Dasani- I don’t think it’s society at large that is obsessed with Stem majors, I think it’s more CC. And that’s only even true on certain for him. My child is an arts major, I have been using CC for two years, but until recently only on the arts forums. We are champion obsessers (the best bfa programs have acceptance odds that make getting into an ivy look like a walk in the park- my kid got into a program that accepts <2% of applicants.) but you’ll never hear about STEM there…
“The difference between a school and an involved parent is that the parent can provide the highly individualized guidance to their kid at a level which no school can reach.”
-Parent can drive them to their activities, and school cannot do that. Parent is in some control over their time at home, school can only give homework, it cannot demand that it is done by 10pm every day no matter what.
On the obsession with STEM, nobody is pulling a kid who is planning to pursue some STEM major from involvement in music and art, sport and writing, foreign language. My D. was Zoology major (BS) with tons of challenging science classes, but she also graduated with Music minor and some of her friends in the same major graduated with Art minor ( this is excessively admirable as any art at the college level is very very time consuming), one graduated with triple major Zoology/Spanish/Latin Studies. Nobody limits STEM kids to pursue whatever they wish in addition to their “obsession” with STEM. actually D. was also heavily in sport and even continue for freshman year at college.
But obsession will lead to success. One better be obsessed, practically hooked, or they will not be overcoming challenges. The same goes for non-STEM. The passion will lead, with no passion anything is just a drag and no fun.