I know this has been written about before, but I feel really guilty about going home every weekend because I know it’s not the norm and usually frowned upon.
My university is 2 hours away from my home. I am a Junior transfer from community college (this will be my second semester) and I’ve just found it really difficult to connect socially with people at my university. I like my classes so far and the school overall, but just not the people. I love my roommate but she is also very introverted, so she goes home a lot as well or likes to stay in the dorm on the weekends. It’s a really sporty university, and sports are NOT my thing at all, so that is what most students spend their weekends doing.
Academically, I’m doing extremely well. I’ve made a lot of connections with professors and I got a very high GPA last semester. I have a work-study job that aligns closely with my future career goals. I recently was elected vice-president for an organization that starts in a few weeks. I am in a weekly cohort for an organization I’m really passionate about. Next semester I am studying abroad.
I do have a few friends on campus that invite me out sometimes, but I just don’t feel fully comfortable socially. I’ll go out with them, but I just don’t have a good time. I just don’t feel a real connection with anyone. Also, I feel so old! I just turned 22 last week and I feel like I’m surrounded by people who feel so much younger than me. I decided to live in a dorm because my financial aid covered it and I thought it would help with feeling more integrated into the school, but most upperclassmen have already moved off-campus.
Back home, I have my boyfriend of many years. I have two best friends I met at my community college. I am extremely close with my family and love spending time with them. I love being with my dogs. I love my hometown and when I do go home I go out a lot with my best friends and my boyfriend. I’m from a pretty big city, so we always go out dancing, shopping or new restaurants. When I attended community college I lived with my boyfriend, but due to his job he couldn’t relocate. So, I pay my own bills and while my family helps with school, I am not dependent on them for anything except emotional support.
Despite everything, I just feel so guilty about going home every weekend. I keep trying to feel rationalize that not the “college experience” doesn’t have to be the same for everyone, but I still feel like a “loser” for going home every weekend. Has anyone had a similar experience? How do you overcome the guilt? I LIKE going home, but just feel like I’m doing college “wrong”.
There is no prescribed way to do college. You are doing it your way. No need to feel guilty about it. The main purpose of college is to earn a degree. How you do the everything else of college is up to you. Guilt is a wasted emotion.
Why do you feel guilty? Do what makes you happy. If that is what makes you happy, all the more power to you. Just like some people would rather read a book and stay in rather than go to a party, you’d like going home and spending time with people you already care about there. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as you don’t feel like you are missing out on anything. You don’t pick your partner based off what “everyone else” says is good for you, so why have your college experience be that way?
If you were a freshman, I would give you different advice. But as a junior, you are closer to adulthood, and it is true that it can be hard for transfer students to make close friendships. At this stage, I’d say do what makes you happy and don’t worry about what others are doing.
You have created a plan that works, you are achieving at a high level, and you seem happy with your arrangement. Life is not one size fits all. Allow yourself to be happy.
Make your boyfriend visit you. Relationships are about compromise and it’s not fair for you to always be the one driving to visit him. If he visits you, maybe he can join with you and your friends when you hang out and that will help you be more comfortable!
When I’m nervous going out with people I don’t know too well I have a drink, that normally makes me feel a bit more loose.
Thank you everyone. I appreciate the validation! I know I shouldn’t need it, but it feels good to hear reassurance from other people! @philbegas I agree, but I don’t go just to visit him. I like to go home because I can see my brother, sister, mom, grandma etc! So that is why I was making the trip up more than he was coming down. But, I will definitely see if he can come down more and that may make it easier to cope being here and help on gas!
You have no reason to feel guilty at all. You should be enjoying your life during your college years. That means doing what YOU want to do. Not what others want to do or think you should do. Only you can make you happy. If you enjoy going home then embrace it and enjoy those wonderful times when you are at home. When you get older, you will look back on those visits home with fond memories.