<p>So, I've been in college for six or seven weeks now, and it's going pretty well. However, college has seemed to bring out this weird social guilt in me, if that makes sense. I have friends here that I hang out with- I'm not completely antisocial- but if I stay home on a Friday or Saturday night, I feel bad. Take today, for instance. It's a Friday night- this afternoon I ate lunch with my roommate and we went to movies and then ate dinner together (we are surprisingly getting along really well, which I did not anticipate at all), and last night we saw a play at our school together and went out to eat, but tonight I'm doing nothing, and I feel BAD about it, like I should be doing something! I don't know why I feel that way, because I'm so tired that I really probably don't want to hang out with anyone. But I feel obligated to. It's like I have this heightened perception of my so-called "social failures," i.e. people on the hall hanging out without me, eating alone instead of with a friend, feeling awkward during a conversation with a new friend (because I'm a pretty introverted person), staying in on a Saturday night (and sometimes even week nights when I'm doing homework, which is absurd), etc. It's weird, because I actually have a lot of friends that I can talk to during and between classes, eat with, even go to parties with, etc. Tomorrow, for instance, I'm probably going to a party that I was invited to, but I'm not even sure that I really want to go- mostly I'm just going because I know I'll feel bad if I don't.
I feel like the culprit could be the newness of living alone- coming from a family of seven kids, dorm life is culture shock. I was basically NEVER alone at home, and I didn't mind because my siblings and I are close. My roommate is gone a lot at night, but I feel a little less bad about staying in whenever she's around. But I just get this weird sense of isolation (which makes me think of Crime and Punishment) sometimes when I'm in my dorm alone and I just...I don't know! I feel like I need meaningful, face-to-face social interaction, like I need to find a best friend here. I know that takes time- especially if you're more or less socially awkward like I am- but I just...I don't know! I just can't stand feeling bad about myself whenever I'm in my dorm because I know it's unnecessary and ridiculous!!!</p>
<p>I read most of your post… But seriously you’re not alone in staying in your dorm on weekends night. Some people go out every other night but choose Friday/Saturday nights as their free nights. Of course something I feel like I should be doing something myself on these nights even though I don’t have to. For you I think it’s a matter of getting used to it. Eventually you’re gonna be somewhat alone (like uh idk now maybe). I don’t know how I could help with your problem but you should try to do something for those nights where you stay home like clean the room, move stuffs around, play game of the year, watch funny youtube videos idk SOMETHING. </p>
<p>Like I said before I think it’s just a matter of adjusting.</p>
<p>Even as a parent I totally get what you’re saying. I get that feeling on certain holidays, like New Years Eve…there’s almost a sense of obligation to go out and party and be social…even if you’d feel completely content just staying home in your pj’s eating icecream out of the carton. My advice, it to meet in the middle. Don’t feel obligated to ride the wave of constant being “on” social activity. But keep yourself in the mix enough that you don’t fall off the radar and stop being thought of when weekend plans are made. Even back in the stone age I remember navigating the college social scene was exhausting. But you’ll find a balance…just give yourself some time.</p>
<p>The world is made up of about 75% extroverts and 25% introverts. In addition the extroverts are much more visible … you see the big group walking down the hall to go to the party … while you don’t see the 25% who are in their room not heading out. As one of the 25% and one who was not interested in partying or drinking it took me awhile to figure this out … then after “everyone” went out I’ll go around the hall and find the other folks and see if folks were interested in playing cards, hanging out, go get food, etc … or just hang out on my own.</p>
<p>As 3togo said, if you haven’t already go around your floor after people leave to go out. There’s bound to be other people in for whatever reason, and many are more than willing to hang out. That’s how I made almost all my friends in my dorm.</p>
<p>For what it’s worth, I’m pretty introverted, and to top it off I’m an early bird – I’m getting tired by the time people are going out. So what I do is hang out with friends during the day for a little bit each day (when schedules permit), then stay in at night. Meals are a great time to meet up with people and just chat for a bit, as is between classes if you guys each have a break and don’t have other obligations.</p>
<p>Your social life is whatever you want it to be. So long as you’re happy with it, who cares what others think?</p>
<p>@aleyna22:</p>
<p>You’re definitely not alone in feeling like that. I also have that kind of feeling on weekend nights, like I “should” go out with people even if I’m not technically invited anywhere and/or don’t feel like it. Sometimes it helps me “put myself out there” instead of just sitting in my dorm room because I’m really introverted. But at other times it kinda backfires. </p>
<p>Like when last night I started out hanging out with a group, but we couldn’t really decide where to go or what to do. We were going out just for the sake of going out and hadn’t really thought ahead to specific plans. It wasn’t under-21 night at a few local clubs, and we couldn’t get into bars, and we weren’t invited to any parties. So most of the group left and it ended up being just me and one other girl wandering around downtown at night. Then we got back to the dorm later and realized: Not everyone has to go out on the weekends. There were a bunch of people just sitting around the lounge, talking and watching a movie. So my friend and I joined them, and had more fun than we did when we were “out”.</p>
<p>Moral of the story: Don’t just sit alone in your room all weekend, but you don’t have to go out and do something every night. Just hang out in common areas of the dorm and you’ll find other people who are just chilling out and having fun in other ways.</p>