"I am genuinely happy for my friends' successes in life. That same compassion comes into play when I consider what to post (and not post) on social media. Many on this thread are espousing the virtue of a little humility. To assume "sour grapes" is just wrong."
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This is everything.
So consider your community (by which I mean not so much where you live, but the community in which you are posting) and the potential impact of your posts on that community and proceed accordingly. Maybe it makes sense to post each acceptance as it comes in. Or maybe it doesn’t. Just follow the Golden Rule (do unto others…)
Personally, I’m delighted to hear of other kids’ successes even if my own kid did not have the same result, and similarly interested in the lessons that can be learned from the denials and deferrals, but I’d rather learn all that in a conversation with friend where all parties can provide nuance and context. I’m always a little startled and taken aback when someone posts a kid’s report card or test scores online, ditto the play-by-play on acceptances (I can only think of a handful of times I’ve seen any of those, and each time it seemed odd).
Final decision and drop-off seems simplest to me. Can’t see how anyone would a object to that in any community.
@FreePariah Congrats on your acceptance to Yale! Be proud of what you accomplished and absolutely shout it from the rooftops. You may end up inspiring others to reach for what seems impossible.
There are many variables here. If I was posting acceptance after acceptance, I don’t see the point. If I was posting boastfully, as in “only two kids in our high school go into Big State U, and mine was one of them!”, and it was common knowledge that 50 kids applied, that would be insensitive. If I say I am proud of my kid for doing well on an exam, I am expressing pride, not a lack of humility. If I said instead that I was proud of my son and what a shame other kids didn’t do as well, that would be rude.
I tend to post info that I think my extended family would like to hear. My kids’ families live overseas and on the opposite coast. We have a lot of family members of all ages, and none who live here. I would say most of them are on social media. It’s very useful to post stuff that most people in the family will probably see. In our family, social media is definitely how we keep up to date with each other. My cousin is a school counselor on the opposite coast, and after I posted my daughter’s intended college, she messaged me to get info about my daughter’s thoughts about the college, etc…
Yes, sensitivity matters. At the same time, there is nothing wrong with being proud of your child. It’s all in the delivery.
^^Exactly this. Pride is awesome. No harm in celebrating. Just take a minute to think about your audience … read the room a little … and express your pride with consideration for same. What you say and how you say it will vary according to the (virtual) room. Just as in real life.
@bacmom I see it in a similar way to you.I wouldn’t have ever applied to Yale if I didn’t see a senior make it during my freshman year. For me to be quiet about my acceptance would be doing a disservice to everyone around me. I wouldn’t inspire others to reach for their goals and I wouldn’t provide administrators with a much needed success story.
And its not like I am someone who wants to see others fail. I openly advertise that I give essay help, and I have had 5+ people reach out to me since I was accepted.
But regardless of who I am personally, it doesn’t matter how I make other people feel. Dealing with rejection and getting back on your feet is something that everyone will have to deal with in life, and as a 17 or 18 year old applying to college, now is a good time to start. If seeing your friend get into their dream college is the hardest thing that’s ever happened to you, you’ve lived a pretty privileged life.
I only posted decisions, though admittedly I did post my D’s acceptance to the school she eventually attended at the time of acceptance because it was a big news for us (her top choice school with big scholarship).
I didn’t feel any need to announce every acceptance along the way.
I don’t remember seeing constant acceptance posts on my newsfeed–mostly just decisions. But if an acceptance is particularly special (top school, top choice for the student, big scholarship, etc) I think it’s fine. But pick wisely, going on and on about every acceptance just seems like too much. I remember one of my son’s classmates posted each and every acceptance. It came across as bragging to others (side note, this was consistent with this student’s personality). If you (or your kid) was accepted to both Yale and Harvard…great! I see why one would want to post that…but if you go on to tell me the other 10 schools, then it just gets tiresome.
So, I guess my vote is somewhere in between. Don’t post everything, but it’s okay to tell us a couple of acceptances prior to the final decision.
@austinmshauri That was an excellent post. Let’s be honest here. People have mentioned that they have had to endure years of posting about athletes and “why can’t academic students have their due?” Just like you have not been authentically happy for the successes of these children, these families will not be authentically happy for you. There will be a public face, a public expression of congratulations, but the true feelings like we see here that it is actually a bragging annoyance is what they will really feel if you post every single acceptance.
The most brilliant person I’ve met in real life was actually the most humble and empathic to others. He was such a joy to work with and everyone greatly admired him. His ego didn’t require accolades. He actually was trying to help other people reach their own potential and made sure that they also got credit for the work done. So generous. Obviously everyone is different but you know people loved him even more because he was so brilliant AND supportive. We descended into an “It’s all about me” society. But honestly, people see this for what it is and those people who are accomplished and caring and humble will be admired and valued most in this world.
I know my parents posted about my first college acceptance, as did many of my friends’ parents. Our first acceptances were usually Cal States with 80%+ acceptance rates, so the chances of someone seeing it who didn’t get in were very slim. It was not so much a “look at how great my kid is!” than a “what a relief, my kid is going somewhere and the tears/anxiety/frustration is slightly less now”.
However, I did know parents who would post and share stats in a not-so-humble brag for every school their kid got accepted to. Ironically, at least two of these kids went to not-so-brag-worthy state schools.
I think part of my vehemence around this topic has to do with me forgetting the OP and title of the thread: “Do you post your kid’s acceptances on social media?”
My answer to that is, “No, I have not.”
I have mixed feelings about other people posting acceptances, especially multiple posts. But I think more than a few of us agree that posting about the kid’s final choice is absolutely fine.
FWIW, I used “choice” in the previous sentence because I think the word “decision” can be confused with “acceptance”…after all, some colleges use “View your decision” language in communications.
I posted a few of my son’s acceptances, mainly to his top choice and my alma mater so my college friends could see. What I have a problem with is what one of his classmate’s moms did. She was the valedictorian so I get it - you’re proud; I would be too. I could have lived without the accompanying photos of every letter, including the merit award amount. And the gem of them all - a picture of the kid with other kids at our state flagship day for their Honors College (that she got a free ride to) with the caption “So proud of my daughter #onlywhitekid”.
I’m not a fan of this behavior. Frankly, this (and many other things) are the students’ business to tell as they wish. It’s their accomplishments to post or discuss.
I posted my DD’s decision on FB, but not acceptances or scholarship amounts. (I always post with her permission)
We live in a different state than a lot of our family and friends and I wanted to share it with them. I like to hear updates on their families and hopefully they want to hear about us. Not wearing college shirts is absurd. Seriously.
I “checked in” on Facebook when we were doing a local college tour. It’s a state university that we haven’t heard back from yet. It turned into a brief discussion in the comments with a friend in which I shared that my daughter had only been accepted to one school at that point, and I named the school. That lead to a further discussion with another friend whose son attends that school and she shared that he loved it there. Great feedback. No bragging, no gloating or flaunting, just sharing and discussing. We’ve since had a couple of other acceptances that haven’t gone on FB for no reason other than I’m just not a super active poster. But if and when I do decide to post something that says she’s been accepted to other schools, that’s my choice. It’s not to make anyone feel bad, it’s just because I’m so damn proud of her being the first in my family to go to college. My friends will know that.
I personally love seeing good, happy news about my on Facebook, whether it’s a college acceptance, new car, new job, great meal, awesome vacation or otherwise. I like seeing my friends happy. For those who don’t enjoy others posting about what’s good in their life and view it as flaunting, Facebook is not a safe space for you and you should not participate.
@bacmom would you feel the same if I posted the details about my new salary, or how much I paid for my house?
I think many people see the details of college acceptances as being semi-private information like that. (Whereas details of the final college choice are more public.)
For better or worse, this is representative of the culture change on Facebook that has driven younger people away from it.
Nope, did not post acceptances on social media. The counselor at D’s small private HS actively discouraged sharing test scores, application lists, and acceptances.
I remember a few years back a senior at my school got into Barnard but knew she wouldn’t be attending because she got a large scholarship at a private school. She posted it. I don’t think it was to brag, but it was the only chance she had to get recognition for this accomplishment since she wouldn’t be able to go.
@gearmom - I find these kind of comments to be divisive and judgmental.
“The most brilliant person I’ve met in real life was actually the most humble and empathic to others. He was such a joy to work with and everyone greatly admired him. His ego didn’t require accolades. He actually was trying to help other people reach their own potential and made sure that they also got credit for the work done. So generous. Obviously everyone is different but you know people loved him even more because he was so brilliant AND supportive. We descended into an “It’s all about me” society. But honestly, people see this for what it is and those people who are accomplished and caring and humble will be admired and valued most in this world.”
The most giving and kindest person I have ever known not only posted her child’s acceptance to college but just posted a picture of her family out to dinner to celebrate her daughters’ straight A semester. She posts pretty much everything about her life - it’s her social norm. If you don’t like it don’t follow her or people like her. But to imply that she and others like her are braggarts who are trying to make other people feel bad is just ridiculous and quite frankly mean. This is a woman who volunteers in a Prison working with very serious criminal offenders in the hopes that they can be rehabilitated. I could make a list a mile long of the kind and charitable things she has done. I don’t think I have ever heard her utter an unkind word about another person and I have known her for 15 years.
Reading this thread it seems that there are very different societal norms at different schools on how the kids & parents handle acceptances. It is very normal in my social circle to post acceptances and decisions. My son was so excited to post his ED school acceptance letter to his snapchat - I asked him to make sure the address and the scholarship amount was not showing. His response to this thread is that if someone is unhappy that he got into his dream school then they are not really his friend. (That’s the cleaned up summary.) Pretty much all his friends snap chat or instagram their acceptances.