@sahmkc To clarify the Tufts mom is a FB friend and a parent at a different school.
I think everyone gets too worked up about this on both sides.
I think it’s kind of dumb to post acceptances and scholarship awards to schools that won’t be attended, but then there are lots of other dumb things posted on social media. I also don’t care what you are making for dinner tonight either! Most of us probably brag on our kids more than we should.
As far as the hurt feelings, I think the kids are being too sensitive, and we are enabling it. The vast majority of the kids won’t get their first choice. Possibly because they don’t get accepted, or because they are full pay but can’t really afford $70,000 a year, or because they didn’t even bother to apply to Stanford with a 28 ACT, or any number of reasons. I also don’t have my dream job or all the money I want. That’s the way life works. And we need to teach our kids to deal with that effectively, not try to shield then from it These are near adults, not 8 year olds.
I don’t think it’s fair to ask kids to not post, especially acceptances. The reality is that they are going somewhere, there’s no reason they should feel bad they are going to Harvard or wherever. They should be proud of it and able to express that. If they post every acceptance I think it’s a bit braggy and odd, but that’s the way social media works.
Like someone posted earlier, the athletes at our school get big cheers weekly concerning their extraordinary performance or early recruitment.
Why can’t the kids who spend their time in high school excelling in academics be awarded the same attention and appreciation for this short period?
Anyone familiar with the complicated and emotional business of college applications is aware of the game.
Personally I think it is an extremely stressful yet exciting time for all of our young people.
If they apply wisely, they will have at least a couple of good choices. I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying who got in where. We can see the acceptances on Naviance and most of the kids soon figure it out anyway.
Yay for the Stanford kid, wow for the 2 UPenn…go for it.
Everyone at the high school should be proud.
The part about students not wearing college gear strikes me as way over the top/draconian/ridiculous.
What if it’s just some random college whose basketball team you like and not one you even applied to? What if it’s a sweatshirt from a parent’s alma mater?
LOL this thread is hilarious. I can post about my Yale SCEA acceptance if I want to. I worked for it. Everyone knows the odds were against me with first gen parents and a bad high school to boot. From where I come from, I would be lucky to have attended community college. I’m definitely not going to let some other kid’s feelings get in the way of my joy and happiness. If you aren’t okay with me celebrating from the rooftops, then you aren’t my friend and shouldn’t have me on Snapchat. That’s it, plain and simple. And if I want to post my future acceptances, then I’ll do that. My social media is where I am free to express myself and share my life. Don’t follow it if you don’t appreciate it.
Our culture has changed so much. Humility is a long forgotten virtue. My son’s guidance counselor urged people to keep acceptances to themselves as all the students applying felt very vulnerable while awaiting decisions. When my older son was applying a few years ago, the parents we are friends with avoided this topic assiduously because of the sensitivities involved. Neither my wife nor I are on social media so we never post about this stuff or read other people’s posts. But I can’t help but think the skyrocketing rates of adolescent mental illness with the accompanying demand for mental health services in the college population is driven in large part by the fishbowl so many tiger parents force their children into with the constant posting of achievements and comparisons with others. The parents’ need to brag and be validated supercedes their own children’s right to privacy (and sanity). So sad.
It is not always about competition. My kid applied to schools no-one from her high school had ever applied to. She was not competing with anyone.
All my fb friends would be happy for good things I share or brag, as I would for them. I don’t have any random followers to worry about. It’s a small group and even my child wouldn’t mind it.
But I wouldn’t post it for general public on fb. Actually I wouldn’t post anything personal for public. Because what’s the point?
After having read through every single post, I wonder if my take on things is formed by myparticular community and my D’s specific types of schools to which she applied.
For us, posting college acceptances isn’t considered “bragging” (as some have called it) because most of our students aren’t shooting for the Ivy League/Top 100 schools. For our kids, most are applying to state schools, with an occasional out of state reach school. People around here don’t think it’s bragging if I post “D just heard that she got into Temple and Montclair!” Her being accepted to State U doesn’t really affect anyone else very much.
Now for those that have a more elite list (and especially those where only a few kids from each school are selected for the likes of HYP etc.), I can see how it would be perceived as bragging. I suppose as each “D got into Stanford” post pops up, there are probably many kids (and parents) just sitting there, watching their admissions opportunity dwindle a little. Each new acceptance listed must feel like a little dagger to the heart.
So in those situations, I can understand how it may be hard on other students. But let’s not get it twisted, I still don’t see a problem with posting the acceptances. And yup, if I got a big promotion I would consider that to be post worthy as well!
And for the record, I only post things about once or twice a month.
Only post about school accepted to and decided to go to. One Facebook post about that saves a lot of questions from others or difficult discussions. Agree that posting about other schools, especially knowing that a friend or friend’s kid may have applied and not been admitted to those other schools, is nothing more than bragging.
I am super annoying and brag about my kids all the time on social media. It’s usually stuff like “I’m so proud of my son for getting a 4 on his AP exam.” I do it because school is hard for him and earning the 4 was a Herculean effort, given his learning disabilities. I love hearing about the achievements of my friends’ kids.
I did not post my daughter’s college acceptances, but I guess if she had got into Harvard or something, I might have. I did post where she would be attending college, and when she was accepted off the WL to the college she attends, I posted that she would be going there.
I don’t have a problem with people posting their kids’ acceptances, though people don’t do it around here. I don’t agree that we need to protect the feelings of kids who didn’t get into their top choices, or wherever. They don’t have to go on social media, for starters. I can’t imagine many teens are reading my social media posts anyway. Life is full of disappointments and achievements. We have to be happy for the good fortune and hard work of others. If I have sour grapes about someone else’s happiness, that’s my problem. Teens who are about to go off to college are young adults. They need to learn to cope with disappointment. If they do a good job with applying to an appropriate range of schools in the first place, they won’t be terribly disappointed with where they end up.
“If I have sour grapes about someone else’s happiness, that’s my problem.” <<<— This x 1000.
Let’s stay focused on “what matters most.” (Stanford essay - hah). When I meet St. Peter at the gates, I don’t think he will ask me which ivy I attended.
I actually like when the kids themselves plaster their rejections all over their lockers after May 1st —my son actually checked me, told me that there would be no posting that it is so insensitive to those who did not get into their first choice or cannot afford to go where they truly want to attend
Ironically, these kind of posts are the ones that are driving younger people away from Facebook. It’s now the social network where “moms go to brag.” I’m guilty of it too, but my daughter has basically forbidden me from posting anything about her life. Among her circle, Facebook is about as cool as a Church knitting circle.
I am genuinely happy for my friends’ successes in life. That same compassion comes into play when I consider what to post (and not post) on social media. Many on this thread are espousing the virtue of a little humility. To assume “sour grapes” is just wrong.
It’s been years since I’ve posted anything on FB. I made a conscious decision about 9 years ago not to post anything about our son since I considered his accomplishments his and not mine to disclose. That’s not to say that I don’t tell our close friends and family about successes and acceptances but I consider our lives private and not for the general public. Our son also doesn’t have a social media account and has never wanted one. With all that being said, I love our community here at CC and enjoy being a part of all our children’s journeys. I think all of us have shared the excitement of acceptances and also commiserated with one another about rejections. Cheers to all of us and our amazing children.
This definitely seems like a ne’er the twain shall meet issue.
From my POV, a parent posting about his/her kid’s college decision (and not acceptances/scholarships) on FB hardly qualifies as spiking the football.
The primary driver when assembing an application list is affordability, so lists are only partially a reflection of the student’s hard work. Like it or not, a good application list also reflects the parents’ ability to pay. In that respect, the choices your child has are as much your accomplishment as theirs. Parents who post every acceptance on social media seem to miss that it’s not just their child’s accomplishments they’re bragging about.
We see posts here all the time from students who work extremely hard in high school and have excellent stats but whose parents can’t afford to send them to college. They post here because they are disappointed with their choices. Let’s not pretend that they aren’t. Those students work just as hard as your kids. If they, at 17, are supposed to be mature enough to be happy for your kids because you can pay to send them to school, how is it that you, as adults with grown children, aren’t expected to show some empathy to them because their families can’t?
I find it difficult to believe that there are so many people who are so invested in your children that they need updates of every acceptance, and that those people are so numerous and/or busy that social media is the only way to reach them. However, if that’s the case, a private email would accomplish the same thing and be truly private.
@FreePariah is totally spot on. He/she has a more mature attitude about than some of us parents do. And if reading about other people’s college successes are too harmful to your psyche, then perhaps you shouldn’t be on College Confidential either.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with sharing your happy news with friends and family. If others are offended by it, that is their problem, not yours.
Are there people in this world who DO brag? YES! Absolutely! Is it annoying & distasteful? YES! Absolutely!
But if hearing other people’s good news sets you or your kid into a mental tailspin where you are hating yourself, severely depressed, and don’t want to get out of bed, then you have bigger problems than where the neighbor’s kid or your soccer parent friend’s kid is going to college next year.