When one of my facebook friends posts about a kid’s college acceptance, a new job/house/puppy, vacation photos, or any other good news, I am happy for them. Facebook even gives me a “like” button to show it. What other types of things should they be posting if not those?
I am blessed with many friends but unfortunately not in frequent touch with all of them. If they don’t post to FB I don’t know about it! So I hope they keep doing it.
Being jealous of someone else’s kid’s accomplishments sounds like a cancerous emotion to me. Can’t conceive it. I doubt much really exists. Even here, behind anonymity, nearly everyone is happy when a poster is accepted. So I am of the opinion it is a non-issue.
(ok I admit I am a little jealous of my friends vacationing in Mexico right now – but it is 18° F here!)
Now that I read DeepBlue’s post, I kind of understand the argument if you go to a small high school where everybody knows each other and everyone goes to college. I go to a public high school with 2,000+ kids and a college readiness score of 27/100, so perhaps that is why our perspective differs so much.
@chzbrgr, dont know about hundreds but only a handful among the dozen would have a senior kid too? and why would those who are not your fb friend but saw your post care or feel envious about you?
@Postmodern, same here. I now use the love button instead.
@chzbrgr - I have been following this thread since the beginning and I assure you there are plenty of posters who have said that you should not post until May when all kids have their decisions or that they didn’t even post the drop off because that would be bragging. There were even posters who said their school discouraged them from sharing the news. You are welcome to read through the 19 pages to find the specific posts, but I’m not subjecting myself to that again.
If it’s not normal for your social circle to post such things - don’t post it. If you are a private person - don’t post it. But casting aspersions and judgment on other’s who choose to share their joy isn’t necessary. People need to realize that their experience is not everyone else’s’ experience and their normal is not normal everywhere. It’s normal at our school and in our community to post this kind of thing. It would not matter if I didn’t post my son’s ED acceptance on FB, because all the kids (and their parents- because the kids share with them) would have known anyway. The only difference would be that my out of town friends and family would not have known.
I think there is way too much secrecy among people about the college process. Yes, I posted about both D’s final decisions (one was ED), but I also was available to many of my friends/ acquaintances to help them when their children were applying. I helped with essays, applications, college lists, etc. Both of my D’s were able to use their talent in music and art to get very good scholarship money–and I did share that information because I knew I could help other’s in my community by being open about my family’s experience. I don’t remember if I posted about my D’s acceptances on FB, but I certainly was open in discussing where they applied, their SAT’s, grades, essay topics etc. to those who asked.
In general, I feel that sharing helps others. I believe that holds for salaries as well, which is often seen as taboo. Currently there is legislation that is being considered in several states that will protect employees rights to discuss their salaries and benefits packages with their peers. Transparency about salaries helps employees–especially women. I see the college process in similar terms.
As a parent, I do not post academic, athletic or musical achievements. There are no problems with our asking our friends or volunteering the good (or bad) news. But that is us. The college process can be a funny one at times. I have had another parent actually say “How did HE get in there?” about someone else’s child. I don’t understand that thought process, let alone verbalizing it!
My main take-away from this conversation is to reinforce my new years resolution to get off Facebook! It brings out the worst in both sides. Here I am judging you for posting, and there you are judging me for judging you.
This debate has opened my eyes a little. I think it might be one of those issues where people on one side are surprised to find out that people on the other side even exist. I think the best outcome would be if our side tones down the judgement of the posters, and your side pauses for a second to recognize that just statistically there are probably people who will see your post and cringe or have a laugh about it.
@Sue22 Pardon me, but I did NOT say that I posted their scores or scholarships on FB so I don’t understand your comment in the least. Did I say that people should post their salaries or raises?
But I did have my D’s permission to discuss their info with others. They really didn’t care because they were not defined by their grades or test scores. So yes, I did tell people that my younger D got into NYU with a 610 in math and that she dropped math junior year. She didn’t care in the least. And yes, I did tell others how much money my Ds got from certain schools because they auditioned, sent in a music tape or a portfolio. Others knew they were talented, because they knew my Ds through shows, choir concerts, or art showings. I was not bragging by telling certain parents–I was saying your kid should try that too! And then i offered to help!
@chzbrgr I think it might be one of those issues where people on one side are surprised to find out that people on the other side even exist. I think the best outcome would be if our side tones down the judgement of the posters and your side pauses for a second to recognize that just statistically there are probably people who will see your post and cringe or have a laugh about it. - Agreed
It’s absolutely shocking to me that people vehemently oppose posting EA & ED decisions. I see the point that for people who applied to 25 schools that it would get old seeing those acceptances, but I honestly would scroll by. I learned a long time ago that you will never make everyone happy with your action or inactions, so if my FB post about my son’s ED acceptance bothers someone who is supposedly my friend, then they can unfollow me.
This thread (minus the few students) is a study in regional/local societal norms, socio-economic tribalism, self-worth, parental sycophancy, mercilessness, justification, and envy by using children as a proxy for “what’s appropriate”.
The dynamics of something so simple as a “like” button destroys social fabric, yet more and more adults look for acceptance online while doing less in their communities (which turns to nothing when their children grow up and stop playing soccer).
It is a shame that people have to worry about sharing a tremendous achievement with others, but the notions of sharing and accomplishment have been perverted into counting “likes” as a measure of success or acceptance.
Your kids have figured out that social media is only meaningful when shared with small groups of targeted recipients. When they publish something for the masses…it’s generally meant to provide self-adulation. I’m not sure as a generation we parents will ever achieve the same level understanding, as the tools and their conversational dexterity change too fast for those who grew up “hanging out” to use properly.
That thing in your hand all day also functions as a telephone. You have time to call all of the people who truly share your joy for a college acceptance. Everyone else…honestly…doesn’t (and shouldn’t) care. Don’t let all those likes fool you.
@EyeVeee - You just summed up the discussion my sons and I were having about social media. My younger son is part of a private FB group with kids who have committed to the college he has been accepted to and hopes to attend. I have been told to not post a “^&*%$%^” thing about where they got into undergrad or grad school on social media until all is “said and done” or they give consent. Telling family and close friend in private is fine, but anything else is seen as bragging. My kids use “snap chat” and “group me” for many of the reasons you share above.
“I’m certain these parents who post every acceptance their child receives would never consider posting all the rejections as well.”
It’s pretty stark when the second kid doesn’t do as well as the first. All of a sudden, privacy is paramount.
When I was a college senior, we had a “Wall of Dis” where you could pin up rejection letters from graduate schools and employers. Misery loves company! It was a great way to keep our senses of humor and remember that none of us was alone in disappointment.
Well…when all is said and done, I’d rather read brags/news/to-may-to/to-mah-to about your kids all day long than the “insightful” political posts. Bring on the college scholarship announcements, sports scores, and prom pictures; toss in a few tropical vacation photos! My finger is waiting on the like button!
I don’t FB, but I know my son put his info when he was accepted EA at one of his two top choices on his Instagram account. Our (parochial) high school also has May 1 Decision Day, where kids come to school wearing a shirt or other item that represents their next step after graduation. Some kids taking a gap year have gotten creative, with a world map shirt (showing they’ll be traveling), or a shirt with the name of the mission group they’re joining after H.S. graduation. The school also posts a map with pins representing locations of where kids will be. I think there’s a strong sense that college isn’t necessarily the perfect choice for every student, and it is the student’s choice of next steps that is celebrated.
I disagree that low income people don’t know enough not to brag. In my experience, it’s usually lower income people who are sensitive to the fact that not everyone can afford the things many others take for granted.
I didn’t mean to suggest that lower income people don’t know enough. What I meant was in a poor area, an admission to hyp is more likely to be truly unusual and noteworthy, and so maybe worth a Facebook post.
But in a moderately wealthy suburbs, admissions to places like northwestern are much more common.
