@gearmom It has been suggested that even final choices should not be posted or that they should wait until may to post.
@intparent I find your statement judgmental of the other posters who want to share their joys with their friends and family. Being proud of your child regardless of the type of accomplishment is part of being a parent. Sharing on FB is not bragging - it’s sharing unless you are friends with random people who you have no real connection to at all. It’s not like we are advocating taking out a billboard.
I’m very proud of my kids. But also sensitive to others who may not be as fortunate. Yes, I judge people who indiscriminately post. I’m guessing they are not posting about a relative’s DUI or domestic assault charge, or when their kid got caught cheating. A filter is a good thing. I think we get the loudest protests from parents who have already been posting acceptances when the conversation starts.
@intparent - that’s your choice. I’m pretty sure most people realize that people tend to post things on social media that cast a good light and not a bad one. I’m sorry your DD had such a terrible experience, but that’s on that student and how her parent’s raised her. My experience had been very positive as decisions have come out. There is celebration for those who are accepted and commiseration for those who have received deferrals/rejection. Maybe my son’s group of friends are an exception, but I really hope not.
@intparent the fact that you view this as bragging vs. sharing says more about you than those posting acceptances because they’re proud of their kids. I maintain that there is nothing wrong with posting acceptances if you so choose. How social media friends react to those postings is their choice. If they view it as bragging, feel sadness, jealousy or are otherwise upset at someone else’s good news, that’s their choice and they can unfollow.
You do you. But know that there may be kids who you are NOT hearing from who are hurt by your actions. Or people giving congratulations, but inside feeling terrible. And that while you THINK you are just sharing with a small circle, your social media may be set so if someone congratulates you or “likes” your posts, all THEIR friends then see it. Or just that they may gossip about it to someone else. Unlike many of our kid’s accomplishments, to those in the middle of the admissions process, the acceptance or rejection by a college feels like a huge event in their lives – much bigger than winning a trophy or prize. It feels like something that can make or break their future (which is probably why some people are so excited to post an acceptance). But while you are tooting your horn, someone else can be feeling pretty worthless and feel worse because of your actions.
Also, my kid’s story about an unhappy classmate is not unique. I guarantee you we will see threads out here from parents and students in March with griping about why some other student got in and they didn’t (in fact, I’ve already seen a couple this week). And then threads from the other side (from the student or parent of the student who is being second guessed by those around them). It can happen in any community. The stakes are high for admissions, and people get nasty sometimes.
I’m going to wager that the folks posting every acceptance are “unfollowed” my way more people than they would expect. Posting a decision seems perfectly fine. Another pet peeve…using the word “blessed” to camouflage more bragging.
Is it bragging if most of your friends’ kids got in to schools that your kid was rejected from, but you are still excited about your kid’s choices and the process? Are the parents posting that their kids are deciding between X school and Y school really bragging if the schools are not Ivy League or even close?
I am not friends with anyone here in CA that has high school aged friends. My close friends and family, all on the east coast, have friends of varying ages, but none the same as my D. Regardless, this is simply sharing life news with MY group of friends and family. Nobody should be hurt by this. If they are, they should just be off social media completely. Ridiculous.
Out of curiosity, if you are on FB, what do you share? If you can’t post good news or nice pics for fear of making someone feel badly about themselves or their circumstances, is your feed simply doom and gloom posts? Do you only share the bad things in your life so that everyone that could possibly see the post can feel better about their lives?
A compromise could be for the school to have a single “My college acceptances” Facebook group. Any kid who doesn’t want to know about classmates results until they have established their own next step could simply not join the group until they want to. Of course that would only work if all seniors and their parents agreed to isolate all of their social medial announcents to that group which might be unrealistic.
@intparent Unlike many of our kid’s accomplishments, to those in the middle of the admissions process, the acceptance or rejection by a college feels like a huge event in their lives – much bigger than winning a trophy or prize. It feels like something that can make or break their future (which is probably why some people are so excited to post an acceptance).
I assure you that when my DD did not make a group she auditioned for she felt exactly like what you described. I’m sure many people can relate a time their child felt like life was ending over some rejection or failure. Disappointment is a part of life. I do not begrudge my friend’s who kids made that group or become upset when I see posts about what that group is doing. My job as her parent was to help her process this loss and find joy and happiness from another avenue. And she did do this! If I had let her wallow in this rejection and joined in about how unfair this was then she would never have pursued another avenue which brought her success and happiness.
I believe we should teach our children how to overcome and that the only control we have in life is how we choose to respond. It’s your (and all the other parents’ & students’ choice) to view people in this negative light instead of being the kind of person who celebrates others.
I think there is a fundamental difference here that can not be overcome by any amount of back and forth.
I think folk should post what they want on social media. It is for posting and sharing. Those that feel that it is too intrusive, don’t have an account or stay off. I am always shocked by parents who post their kids actual grades online. But I’ll never say they don’t have a right to do it. Postings of any kind can stir up emotions: you post about a new baby yet a friend is battling infertility or just had a miscarriage; you post about a child’s birthday but a friend just had a child to pass away from an illness, accident, or suicide; you post your happy marriage anniversary pictures while a friend just lost her husband, is not married, or was beaten up by their spouse the night before. Other examples are listed in posts above like athletic accomplishments. Social media definitely has its pitfalls so let’s not just focus on the college admission/acceptance process. There are always winners and losers on social media. It is a personal choice to be there.
At least in my experience, it’s not like the parents who are posting about their kid’s ED admission are saying “And Tina got in to School X, while that grade-grubbing know-nothing Jimmy Pesto did not!” (Gratuitous Bob’s Burgers reference to try and add some levity to this discussion!)
+1 on sahmkc’s post #130 above. I see part of my job as a parent as not shielding my kids from disappointment, but rather helping them be resilient in the face of disappointment.
@JerseyParents Eyeroll. My mother-in-law has pictures of my husband receiving participation trophies in JUSA soccer in 1974. If there had been a Facebook, she would have posted them.
@bacmom that’s the situation I’m in. Most of FB circle is out of state, far flung friends and family who are actually interested in news.
I only shared scholarship info with a small group, and only for one school. My alma mater, and I shared with about 9 friends from college who all have younger kids. Because they wanted to know what the school is offering from a legacy perspective now as most of them have kids who will apply there.
Social media by its very nature can be painful if you are going through any sort of difficult experience. If we discourage the posting of any sort of fun/happy news because it might be insensitive to someone’s present difficulty, I’m not entirely sure what we would put on there. It seems the onus should be on those who are feeling vulnerable at the time to unfollow, block, or step away for a bit.
I myself have done that from time to time. One of my children had a rather painful senior year, and it would sometimes sting to see things like prom pictures and whatnot from those whose kids were having a simpler, more pleasant, experience. And the whole Mother’s Day posting bonanza…my mother is severely mentally ill and in an institution. I guess I could sink into despair while others celebrate their good fortune at having a functioning parent and positive relationship.
I can think of four different friends who are going through exceptionally painful family dissolutions at the moment. I’m thinking the gazillion “happy family in holiday pajamas” photos that went up yesterday did not do much to lift their spirits. Hopefully they took it upon themselves to avoid the whole thing.
Aren’t we all somewhat annoyed by the person whose social media posts seem to be a perpetual series of whines on a variety of topics?
Since my wife and I don’t use social media or FB, we don’t have this problem. But we did have several people ask us later “How come we didn’t share the good news with them.” We only share good or bad news with people who are close unless asked specifically. But again, kids in any high school find out quickly if there is some newsworthy acceptances or denials. At our kid’s high school Senior event, the school held some ceremony to celebrate some Senior students’ accomplishments and dedicated many minutes (like 50% of entire ceremony) for certain kids who got into Air Force, Naval Academy and West Point. All great accomplishments for sure, but who’s to say kids who got into MIT, Harvard, Berkeley, Stanford or any school regardless of ranking did not deserve any minutes? I personally felt why have such ceremony when they could simply say they would like to congratulate every Senior for making it out of high school. I would actually like to see people clap for kids who passed up opportunities to attend top schools due to financial situations. Or clap for a Senior who volunteered the most, or who overcame great difficulties. These students rarely receive recognition or praises they deserve. I would really clap hard for one of these kids who managed to overcome difficulties in life and family situations and still graduated.
I find it interesting that this is being referred to as bragging while I know quite a bit about some of your kids colleges choices, grades, test scores, awards, etc from your posting here. I guess it is okay to post on CC but not with people in my social network. With people I actually know. Kind of a strange double standard.
We never posted the accepted/denied details out here, either. Partly because it is a privacy issue. Most posters are trying to be helpful to kids in the application process, especially those stressing after shutouts in the EA and ED rounds.
@BearHouse There is a difference about the anonymous postings of CollegeParent5052 and real people in your community that you actually see face to face. Anonymity protects in many ways. Do you really have conversations about the DD of @CatBot56 with your kids? Why would they care? But there is an idea of living kinder by giving these kids space to sort their futures. The most brilliant people that I personally admire are the ones who are humble and helpful to others. And having children is a humbling experience. We see plenty of cases in which kids get into dream schools including Ivy’s and DO NOT thrive. Just makes it worse if there has been a huge fuss about going to the school and the kid’s self worth has become tied to it.