<p>It's never-ending, isn't it? Our kids will always be our kids, even when they're married with their own kids...Ever heard of the woman who asked her grown, attorney son, upon leaving the courthouse after the son's successful legal battle, 'Do you need to go to the bathroom before we leave?'</p>
<p>My screen name refers to my second child. D wasn't a piece of cake, mainly do to emotional ups and downs as a hs sophomore. As an artistic young person, she thought she was in the wrong family since the rest of us are athlete. She evened out, though, and always did great in school and is a talented classical singer (soph in college). S began his school career by being kicked out of 4 year-old preschool. He continued that tradition until he exhausted all of the good educational opportunities at home. All through this he was a top student and athlete- just very "entitled" and able to get around all rules. We lost control. He learned from the internet how to bypass our alarm system, and would disappear at night- with our car! We couldn't stand to see him ruin things for himself, and life was unbearable with him at home. We did a drastic intervention and had him taken to a wilderness program and then to an emotional growth boarding school. He was gone from our house for a year. He hated us for doing it, but it saved him. While he was gone, he matured and realized what he was costing himself. He discovered literature and philosophy and proved that he was ready to use his intelligence and charm in positive ways. There were a few wonderful prep boarding schools that were willing to take a chance on him, and he is now thriving academically and athletically as a repeat junior in the northeast.<br>
I wanted to share this because it is a lot different from most of the stories on these boards. If anyone should face such problems with a kid that you feel this kind of action is necessary, I would be glad to share my experience and more information. We are grateful that we had the resources (due to the death of a relative) to take the steps we did, and especially grateful that our son landed on his feet. He has gone from being taken from his bed by hired escorts to considering highly selective colleges! Lots of tears later......</p>
<p>MomofWildChild
What kind of wilderness program did he do? Did it count as High School, or did he actually take off a year from H.S.
We are not to that point yet, but I would like to look at all kinds of options</p>
<p>Fortunately, I didn't have to withdraw from the semester; I went home and commuted every day until I was well enough to move back into the dorm right before finals. For some reason, there sometimes seems to be an inverse relationship between the quality of my physical health and the sharpness of my mind (ha ha), so I pulled a straight A semester, somehow. I'm lucky because I can study even when I'm in the bathroom many times a day. </p>
<p>I didn't mean to disparage any parents in my post, not even my mother. I've made some tremendous mistakes in my life, as we all have, and I've been forgiven many times. What I offered was just a rather extreme cautionary tale. Good luck to all of you and your kids.</p>
<p>(The above was in response to several posts that came immediately after mine)</p>
<p>Chocoholic- I sent you a PM.</p>
<p>My older son earned higher grades and scores than my younger daughter, although she is also an excellent student, and he received many awards and much recognition in high school. However, my daughter is more interested in learning for learning's sake and has a wider variety of personal interests and hobbies. They are both great kids and we are very proud of both of them.</p>
<p>My youngest (son) is VERY self-motivated and very bright. He's the type of kid who loves ideas, loves discussing them, reading about them, thinking about them. He thrives on challenge and just loves competing with others in sports, for grades, for just about anything!</p>
<p>His sister is bright but doesn't adapt well to highly stressful or competitive academic situations. She's very artistic and her mind kind of zig zags rather than follows a straight line like my son's. She'd much rather discuss emotions and relationships than ideas. </p>
<p>Two completely different kids. But I love them both and can't wait to see what they end up doing with their lives!</p>
<p>Chocoholic, I also have experience with wilderness programs and EG boarding schools. S#2 was whisked off to Idaho when he was 16... ditto for my D when she was 14. PM me if you want more info.</p>
<p>Can I throw out my two different children?</p>
<p>Daughter is a dancer. Smart, but has wanted to be a ballerina since she was 3. She is social and talkative. I knew everything going on in her life, and most of her friends' lives. I knew that Peter was going to break up with Barbie two months before he did it -- and my kid isn't Peter OR Barbie! She pushed herself for her dance. Gave up a lot of social life to dance at a studio 50 miles away. She had more determination and passion than anyone I knew.</p>
<p>Then there's Son. So smart! Getting A's in Junior classes as a Sophomore. But doesn't want to be known as a "smart kid". He wants to be a Jock. Doesn't want to take any more advanced classes; wants to stay after school for extra soccer practice. Every day at school is "fine, nothing special" according to him. I have no idea if he has a girl friend. Heck, I dind't even know he had a solo at the latest concert until the choir teacher announced it at the concert!</p>
<p>If I could have a kid with her drive and determination, and his Brains, we'd solve the problems of the world. Instead, I have two good kids, both well adjusted, just both very different!</p>
<p>Peg</p>
<p>MomofWildChild, thank you for posting your son's story here. You're right, it's not a common one. But it's one that's valuable to be in CC's "genetic pool" of information.</p>
<p>Mini, the "putting on a different headset" notion is a good one and I'm virtually certain that we would have had to to it if we had had more than one. </p>
<p>Since we don't have a second of our own, I've been flying wingman for one of D's friends a year behind her in school. She got admitted EA to U/Chicago and had this burp with a very bad grade in Calculus halfway through the first semester, this despite being one of the smartest people in her class, quite possibly <em>the</em> smartest in absolute terms. A very different girl from my D but very much in need of some coaching on some things. And the daughter of one of the other long-term posters on this board has made a very generous offer in terms of getting her connected to Chicago, majoring in the same field that this girl has designs on. What a great community, even extended community this is.</p>
<p>Anyone thinking about wilderness programs:</p>
<p>My niece has had some major behavior/drug problems. Just to mention that if you are going to act, don't wait till the kid is old enough to legally check themselves out of the program. At 18 there is not much one can do.</p>
<p>"Mini, the "putting on a different headset" notion is a good one and I'm virtually certain that we would have had to to it if we had had more than one."</p>
<p>The interesting part is that, on a brief resume, they might look similar. Both musicians (but it wouldn't say that one is prodigiously physically gifted, and for the other one it both intellectual and/or "channeling".) Both are quickly becoming world citizens, with many of their friends and extended family from around the world. Both learning to "give back" to their community and their world, without a lot of pushing or prodding from us. Both excellent writers. Yet, if you interviewed them, you might think they were from different planets.</p>
<p>And that's what it is like for us on a day-to-day basis. Younger d. had a gymnastics meet today - 3 golds and a silver, and the all-around championship. The other one would occasionally climb a tree (though she's currently taking fencing! All she remembers about her brief visit to Vassar are the signs forbidding tree-climbing!) The younger one is a friendship magnet - she brought her latest friend to the meet today, a Bolivian girl born in Haiti who moved here a month a go, and who is fluent in French, Spanish, English, and Creole. And there are so many others!</p>
<p>We two Minis had kids in a bunch of odd foster arrangements before these two. Makes me think we have to plan to get us some more. (But we're not "breeders".)</p>
<p>Agree with SBmom, the legal window of opportunity is short if you're thinking about wilderness programs or EG schools. And you should consult a good educational consultant first.</p>
<p>No...two with same strengths and weaknesses. Sigh. </p>
<p>I've put the younger one in boot camp as I learn from older S's struggles at college! He's not impressed! :p</p>
<p>D1 paved the way with her intensity with academics and music. She always had her group of friends. D2 started out extremely shy...now has turned around as the one with the fun sense of humor, wide range of friends, doing well academically as well as musically (they both play piano). We are happy that D1 moved onto college as D2 moved into high school...so that she can pave her own path without the constant reminder of her older sister.</p>
<p>D3, on the hand, is so very different from her sisters. She will turn 12 next month...and is just a kid at heart. Does her "best"...but nothing close to the quality or intensity of her siblings. A good person...sweet as can be...not as self-assured...a bit on the needy side---always asking for opinions before making decisions--even the color of ribbon to wrap a present!!! Hopefully, maturity will take care of that.</p>