My dentist worked at my daughter’s prep school a number of years ago as the consulting dentist. The doctor has some concerns about my daughter being at the same prep school. I was actually shocked and so was my daughter. We made it clear that my daughter is happy and thriving as well as the many programs at the prep school. My daughter came from public school which had some major issues and truly did not challenge her and the teachers would agree. Regardless, the doctor thinks my daughter (African-American) is not getting exposure to her culture at the prep school. My daughter knows her culture quite well is and is confident. My daughter is actually having an immersion experience not only in her culture but many others broadening her world view and assumptions about class, race, ethnicity, lifestyles, etc. My daughter sense of self was strong before attending prep school. We chose the prep school because of its academic opportunities and rigor, diversity, community service, inclusiveness and so much more. Like many parents, such is a financial sacrifice but my daughter is thriving. The dentist also noted that her own daughter is attending a college where most students had previously attended prep school and that her daughter is categorized for not attending a prep school. We did educate the dentist on the prep school today and its wonderful community and the dentist did understand. I guess some impressions run deep and probably because of her daughter’s own experience at college. Your thoughts on this would be helpful.
If it works for your daughter keep it up! Don’t let one person’s experience cloud what seems to be going well.
The proper response to the dentist would be “Thank you for you insights” unless you’re from the South, in which case, I would say "Bless your heart. Thank you for your insights. " 
IOW, it’s none of the dentist’s business and you, as the parent, are the final arbiter on what is right for your child. Just know that others will still feel the need to give you unsolicited advice.
I know this sentiment exist in minority communities. Maybe the doctor was worrying that your daughter would become “too White.” Some Asians call too much exposure to White culture as “Banana” because they look Asian but think White.
Personally I think it’s nonsense. They can believe that themselves, but your child’s upbringing is none of their business. I don’t suggest to deny one’s own ethnic background. It can be one’s source of strength when well cultivated. But I don’t think it can be well cultivated by limiting oneself within the ethnic community and limiting exposure to the whole in a racially mixed society like ours.
Everyone brings his or her own perspective to this. If it’s working for your daughter, that’s great. Don’t change a thing.
@acuity, it sounds like you handled this great, and as someone who has benefited enormously from dialogue on this topic, I would suggest that you’d be doing your daughter and the world an enormous service is you can continue to engage in these conversations rather than having a come-back to shut them down. No, it’s not really the dentist’s business, but if it’s come up, you can educate her. Personally, I think that one of the really challenging things about discussing racial issues (with people of the same race and people of different races) is that people are uncomfortable talking about them. Yet all of us have experience with them (even if it’s the white privilege experience of not really having to this about race that much!)
I have been the beneficiary of some really amazing conversations with African American parents at our (very diverse) school about diversity (I am white, btw), and they’ve been really eye-opening for me. I am beyond grateful for their candor and honesty Some people may not be open to changing what they think, but some are and that’s where a difference can be made.
This is what I would call a serious case of overstepping.
My DS finds that his BS is much more diverse racially than our public school or the top day schools in the area. We went into this with the expectation that there wouldn’t be much diversity and I was a bit concerned. The headmaster is from South Africa and it has really set a wonderfully inclusive tone in the school. I think that there’s lots of misunderstanding about what life at BS is really like. He has met and interacted with people from all over the world and from differing financial backgrounds. It has definitely changed him for the better.
@Acuity, I also had this experience and I continue to have various experiences with people from many different cultures. I think a balance of being able to educate as @gardenstategal said and also being assertive when people do get a little carried away with their opinion works. I agree as a parent of an african american child going to a boarding school that I have had mixed reactions, opinions and assumptions. Yes, I do concern myself with the diversity issue, however my daughter is not at all concerned, as in our own community she is discriminated against. My daughter has been called an “Oreo”, black on the outside and white on the inside. She has been told that she talks “white”. On the other hand I have heard even here on CC about when you are black “the world is your oyster and other misconceptions”. It is assumed by some that all Under Represented Minorities get a full/free ride. I actually know of people who are not URM getting a full free ride so I have to carefully guard my heart and “eat the meat & leave the bones” when it comes to the opinions of others. In other words, when it comes to opinions, enjoy the good and ignore the not so good (IMO). Bottom line is people will not always agree with your decisions because they are not you and do not know or understand what is best for your family, only you do.
I’d get another dentist. Telling him to mind his own business might make you suffer under the drill.
Thanks everyone—I appreciate the feedback, very helpful!
I’d add one other thought on this that will be of no help with the original question. From time to time, people make comments to me about our school, often based on hearsay and almost always by someone who is not in the school community. I’ve been able to use these as a conversation starters with DS. As in “So and so said that because a lot of the kids at your school are from well to do families, there’s a lot of drug use. Do you think that’s true?” And often in the reply, I glean some tidbit of information (in this case, about wealth, drug use, or something about community relations) that may not have been offered had it come up in a different context. As a BS parent, you often are sheltered from things going on at the school – even more so if your child is very private – so occasionally, even an inappropriate comment will have a silver lining.
I agree–and what a great way to start some engaging conversations with one’s child. I like this.
He sounds bigoted himself. The important part is if she is happy. Her race should not be an issue