Does this essay stand out to you? only 400 words...please critique

<p>I need help with improving my UC essay prompt 1..
I am a terrible writer, so id appreciate it if someone can
-improve my essay's grammer
-make it flow better
-tell me if i used certain words in the wrong contexts
-tell me what i should explain more or take out
-tell me other used i could use to make it sound more...concise
-and most importantly...opinions,</p>

<p>oh and the prompt is:
Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.</p>

<p>You can PM me, I’ll check it out.</p>