<p>The situation at Penn State was different. The perpetrator was an employee of the University. I know the whole story was a bit more complicated than that, but the level of responsibility is quite different.</p>
<p>The problem is that a dean can’t really do much to actually keep a person being stalked safe. And the “something” that a dean might do may not be helpful to the stalkee–although it will probably protect the institution an/or other students (as the dean sees the situation)</p>
<p>I second the advice upthread for the OP–talk to a local lawyer who will be YOUR advocate, and do this before approaching anyone at the university.</p>
<p>I haven’t read this whole thread, so excuse me if I’m repeating someone, but if he is stalking you to another state, you can get the Feds involved. I am familiar with cases in which a federal restraining order is for life and this country and foreign travel. Anything across state lines opens the door to the Feds. </p>
<p>Document everything and go to local police. Not campus police. Once you have your regular police report, you can go to campus security and the dean of students. </p>
<p>The DOJ is involved in campus education. Projects regarding stalking, harassment and abuse. Familiarize yourself with these so you have the right lxnguage with campus personnel. Good luck. </p>
<p>I just can’t let that statement slip by. I’m 59, a lawyer and have been a victim of domestic violence, more than once. Statements like those lead victims to think they did something to deserve the abuse. I cannot even describe the harm that is done by this attitude.</p>
<p>poetgrl, the OP said that she lived with her ex in Florida and is still living in Florida. So no crossing state lines. It is not even clear that there’s a change in the community where they live. </p>
<p>I am getting the impression that the circumstance may be something like this:</p>
<p>F lives in Town A with M, while F attends community college.
F applies to 4-year university (U), also in or near Town A.
M abuses F, so F moves out and gets a restraining order against M.
M has not bothered F since, but F now hears from friends that M plans to attend U.</p>
<p>That’s why the OP needs legal advice from someone who knows the circumstances, including the local community, the role that U takes within that community, and the attitudes and practices of the local judges. From what the OP has said so far, I think that M might find it very easy to go to court and have the restraining order modified or dissolved in order to allow him to attend U. M may very well have harassed or bothered F in the intervening months, but OP hasn’t told us about that. </p>
<p>Keep in mind that there are always 2 sides to every story. A good lawyer will ask the right questions to elicit missing information, and to anticipate the position that the other party will take.</p>
<p>The OP said the order was given for assault, but in Florida assault is just a verbal threat. Battery is the actual violence. I suppose it is likely she didn’t know. As far as I’m concerned we’re pretty bass ackwards with our definitions of assault and battery compared with the rest of the country. </p>
<p>Also I got this impression:</p>
<p>F lives in Town A with M, while F attends 4-year university.
F applies to PhD program at large 4-year university, not near town A.
M abuses F, so F moves out and gets a restraining order against M.
M has not bothered F since, but F now hears from friends that M plans to attend U.</p>
<p>That’s the standard, common law definition of assault – any first year law student would know that an “assault” is a threat to commit a battery. Most lay people don’t know that, so I would not place a lot of importance on the language that the OP uses. </p>
<p>But that’s just one more illustration as to why it is important for a legal expert who has a copy of the actual order in hand to advise the OP - many legal terms have a slightly different technical meaning that what people think, and there may be other details as to where the OP is mistaken as to the precise meaning and scope of the order she has obtained. Even placement of a comma can make all the difference in the world when interpreting a legal document. </p>
<p>VT, your summary is what I thought at first, but I have realized that in a series of about half a dozen short posts, the OP never said that she moved to a different city or geographic region, or specified any particular distance she had moved. So we don’t know. </p>
<p>Based on my own legal experience, when there is missing information. I act on the assumption that it it is not helpful to the person’s case, until I learn otherwise. In other words – I’m a skeptic – I don’t assume facts not in evidence. (It’s the mistaken assumptions that cause lawyers to lose cases… so that’s a hard lesson learned early on for anyone with a litigation practice). </p>
<p>Again, I don’t believe that the OP should be posting more details here, on a public forum. But these are the sorts of questions that would be answered easily and quickly with a face to face interview with a lawyer. The lawyer would learn the previous address and the current address.</p>
<p>Not sure if I hope the stalker is/is not possibly reading this. Hope the stalker knows there is a large community here who does not tolerate such behavior.</p>
<p>Perfect paperwork, a restraining order, a super lawyer, a divorce, did NOT stop the stalking and threats of further violence a family member experienced. </p>
<p>From one’s safe distance, it’s easy to suggest OP will lose standing, to mockingly ask whether the dean will hire a bodyguard, etc. This gal needs to muster all the support she can. I can’t believe anyone would try to narrow her options.</p>
<p>The OP did not say the ex is “stalking” her nor make a single post with evidence of “stalking” – other than saying that she heard from others that he is applying to the same large university, but a different major. </p>
<p>He may very well be “stalking” her and choosing to apply to the university because he is hoping to run into her. On the other hand, maybe that just happens to be one of the better choices for his major in the geographic region. </p>
<p>If there is evidence of “stalking” then she can discuss that with her lawyer – who can in turn advise her of what steps to take. </p>
<p>On the other hand, from what she has posted – she think that he has applied but not yet been accepted to that university. Maybe he’s applying to multiple schools, and the one she attends simply happens to be one of several that he is looking at; or maybe her second hand information is mistaken.</p>
<p>Right. Our mistake. But she has clearly stated her fears. And that, “His major here is not an outstanding program or anything, he had a full ride on his home state as well as instate tuition. He turned that down to follow me.” And their faculties are located near each other.</p>
<p>Also right that we only have her side, her reactions and interpretation. But that’s what she is dealing with.</p>
<p>I hope she will post us on the progress, that she has spoken with the advocacy folks, gotten through to a good attorney and is casting her safety net wide.</p>
<p>Lots of maybes here. I don’t think anyone wants hindsight to slap us. Use the legal system, get legal advice, get support from the DV folks, continue to make wise and safe choices- and use all the potential advocates you can, including at school.</p>
<p>Yes, it is easy to give advice from a safe distance that naively assumes that deans at universities always have the students’ best interest at heart, and that they are not constrained by practical, legal, and institutional concerns. </p>
<p>I’m sure everyone here has the best of intentions, but it isn’t helping the OP to make suggestions that could possibly do her more harm than good. </p>
<p>And no one has yet answered the question of just what it is they expect a dean to actually do for her.</p>
She wrote that they were living together in Florida before she got the restraining order, so turning down the full ride happened before the physical violence. It’s possible that he can still qualify for a in state tuition in his former state, but far less likely that he can get the full ride he once turned down. In any case, if he lived with her in Florida and he plans to stay in Florida, his “home state” is now Florida. He was from somewhere else, but now he may very well have established Florida residency. (Did he get a job in Florida? Does he have a car? where is registered? What about his driver’s license? Is he registered to vote?)</p>
<p>I really don’t want to belabor the point, but this is just another example of why she needs advice from someone knowledgeable who can give her advice based on real facts rather than on assumptions. Her fears are good reason to get the advice, but her fears are not evidence that can be used to deprive someone else of his civil rights. As I’ve posted before, a restraining order is subject to modification. </p>
<p>There are several possibilities. One is that she is is correct and he is applying to her school just because he wants to harass her. Another is that she is mistaken and he hasn’t even applied – it’s just an untrue rumor. Another is that he is applying to several universities, but hasn’t decided where to attend. And one more is that he wants to stay in the region, likes the large university she now attends despite her opinion that the program is not “outstanding” - and that he intends to comply with the law.</p>
<p>As the restraining order specifically precludes him from being on her campus (according to her), then he will need to go to court to move to dissolve or modify the order. If he has gone to a lawyer to ask about his legal rights, his lawyer might have told him that he would need to have an admission in hand first. </p>
<p>If she goes to the Dean of Admissions at the school and others – and if he hasn’t had direct contact with her over the intervening months – I can see a potential that if he comes back to court to request modification, that he may also claim that she is harassing him. That is why the well-meaning advice of the others on this thread is such a problem - it could be asserted as a reason for the order to be dissolved completely, or for the court to issues a reciprocal order that will run against her as well. </p>
<p>It’s a weekend. She could probably make an appointment and see a lawyer before the end of the coming week. The lawyer will give her advice as to what to do. If it is appropriate for someone to contact the Dean of Admissions or Dean of Students or anyone else, it may also be far better for that to be done by the lawyer, not the individual. (If she retains a lawyer who in turn makes a call, then she is insulated from a claim of wrongdoing.)</p>
<p>My thought about what the dean might do is to quietly go to admissions with the guy’s name and tell them to reject the guy. </p>
<p>He/she could also alert security to be on the lookout for the ex’s presence on campus, possibly alerting the police IF the restraining order in fact bars the ex from campus.</p>
<p>That said, we don’t actually know what the restraining order covers and doesn’t cover. I agree that a legal consult is in order. And if it is true that the ex applied to the school and was accepted, a strongly worded letter from a lawyer may be helpful. We just don’t know enough of the details.</p>
<p>That would be a misuse of the restraining order and a violation of the man’s civil rights. </p>
<p>A DV restraining order is not a life sentence. It is not cause for someone to be denied a job, or denied admission to a college, or to have their civil rights infringed in any way. It is merely an order designed to prevent one person from harming or harassing another, issued in a summary court proceeding without the typical array of due process protections that go along with say, a criminal trial. </p>
<p>From what she has posted here, it is NOT a violation of the restraining order for him to apply to her university. It would be a violation for him to ATTEND the university without first seeking a modification of the order, but sending in an application does not require him to physically enter the campus and so is not prohibited. </p>
<p>Again, all this man has to do is go back to court and request that the DV order be dissolved or modified. He has an absolute legal right to ask for that at any time. The court will then rule based on the facts at that time. If he shows up to court and tells the judge that he has obeyed the order and stayed away from his ex-girlfriend, but that she is now misusing the order and harassing him by trying to prevent his admission to college, then the tables could be turned at the next court hearing.</p>
<p>Again, I don’t know. I’m not there. I also don’t know whether there have been other incidents the OP didn’t tell us about which may also have bearing on the situation. </p>
<p>But it’s pretty easy for me to see the potential for harm to the OP.</p>