<p>You DO realize that abuse hotlines are for far more than just getting out of a situation, right?</p>
<p>I said use it to find a center in your area- which is a major part of the NDVH’s job. There will be an advocate who knows LOCAL laws and will be able to help the OP one on one. </p>
<p>And the DV shelter where I use to work (as a crisis line advocate) we had women who would use our services for YEARS after getting out of a relationship. The NDVH sent us callers all the time- that is partially what they’re there for.</p>
<p>Yes, the school might be able to help her. I said don’t rely on it in the sense of “don’t stop with the school”. I don’t know what the school legally can and cannot do.</p>
<p>Yes, romani, I do realize that. If all you are suggesting is that she call the hotline to find a local attorney, that’s fine. You admit that:</p>
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<p>IMO, that’s one of the most crucial questions the OP has right now. And an even more important question is whether, under the SPECIFIC terms of the order the OP has (if she got it in Florida) her former abuser would be in violation of the order if he enrolled in the same school. </p>
<p>It’s possible that he would violate the order by enrolling. I don’t know–I haven’t seen the order, I don’t practice in Florida, and it’s not an area I practice in. But, it’s at least possible that the order could be construed as prohibiting him from doing so. An attorney can tell her. IF…and it’s a big IF…it would, then the OP can give the order to the sheriff and have her ex arrested and jailed the moment he actually violates the order by coming too close to her. </p>
<p>Maybe I am underestimating the resources of DV shelters, but while they probably do know what it takes to get an order, I doubt they can answer the OP’s questions in this particular case. I don’t think they’ll know whether she opens herself up to any legal liability if she tries to convince the school not to admit him. (I doubt it, but I’d check with an attorney before she did it.)</p>
<p>I didn’t mean to insult or belittle DV hotlines. I just think step one here is getting legal advice–preferably at a low or no cost.</p>
<p>I also disagree with the advice that she contact the dean, at least without FIRST contacting an attorney and getting advice. I suspect that the dean will talk to university counsel to find out what the school has to/can do here. The legal advice will be based on what is in the best interest of the university, NOT what is in the OP’s best interest. It would be nice to think that all universities put their students’ interests first. I’m a cynic.</p>
<p>Romani can speak for her experience- which, aiui, runs deep. But DV support is about far more than shelters or telling someone about a restraining order. OP may need/want the further resources/support DV folks give victims in many aspects of their lives, their emotional/physical welfare and their ability to move forward. </p>
<p>Legal injunction and his potential arrest is only one facet. We’re dealing with OP’s ongoing fear. </p>
<p>One can be cynical. That should never tell a victim she shouldn’t contact her U folks. Even if the perfect paperwork is in place, even if he is denied admission, put on some watch list by local police, etc, etc, she still needs to explore the support the U can specifically give her. </p>
<p>We don’t want a later situation where the U community says, my gawd, if only she had let us do our part. </p>
<p>Some of this thread is surprising, where it suggests only one action or direction is needed.</p>
<p>All of which can more than likely be answered by a DV resource center.</p>
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<p>You are indeed underestimating an advocate’s knowledge and the resources that shelters etc have. Most advocates have legal experience and resources that the public would have a hard time finding on their own. Most DV places partner with attorneys and other legal resources that specifically work in DV.</p>
<p>Okay, then I stand corrected, romani. But again, I think she needs legal advice and personally, I would go about finding an attorney another way. I would not rely on anyone who is not an attorney admitted to the bar in Florida to interpret the order she has.</p>
<p>lookingforward…</p>
<p>I think you are misconstruing what I’ve said. I’ve said the OP should contact an attorney before contacting the U .I stand by that advice. There are several reasons I feel that way, but believe me, I think the OP would be foolhardy to contact the U before she knows exactly what the order she has means, whether she needs to obtain a new order, what the U can and can not do in this situation, and the possible ramifications on her own application to the Ph.D program. </p>
<p>Jonri, I am a lawyer and lot older and more experienced than many people on this board. I don’t feel that any competent lawyer would give “advice” about a document they had never seen. I don’t care what a person says their credentials are when they are posting. It is irresponsible and wrong.</p>
<p>The one thing that I learned from working with real life clients, long before I had even earned my law degree, it that the person’s description of a document (court order, contract, whatever) is usually a generalization based on what the person hopes or wants the document to say. That’s why any competent lawyer would insist on seeing the actual document before giving advice. </p>
<p>The real-life practice of law includes an element of fiduciary responsibility. The lawyer is held accountable for the advice given. It doesn’t matter what a person’s credentials or experience are. When they purport to give specific advice to strangers on the internet, it is pretend lawyering. </p>
<p>That’s why I am telling the OP to get real legal advice, and to take the actual paperwork with her when she does so. </p>
<p>It’s one thing to discuss legal issues in general – but in this case the OP asked for specific information that we can’t give her. We’ve heard her side of the story only, and only what she’s chosen to share; and we haven’t seen the documentation. (And I agree that she should NOT disclose any more online, given her situation. The point is simply that she needs real world advice from real world people. )</p>
<p>The DV hotline is not a good option at this point, simply because they are not equipped to give legal advice either. That would have been a good resource when she was still in the midst of the situation and didn’t know what to do, but now she has an order in hand, so the situation is different.</p>
<p>I’d note that in DV situations, it’s fairly common for there to be orders issued that restricts the conduct of both parties. I have no clue as to what might exist in the OP’s case, but it would not be unusual for the beneficiary of a restraining order to also be subject to an order restricting their own conduct. Just one more reason why a competent lawyer would not tell someone what they could or could not do without seeing the actual written lawyer.</p>
<p>I know you are an attorney. So am I. ( I doubt you are older and/or more experienced than I.) I freely admit that I am not admitted to the bar in Florida and domestic violence is not my area. So, you may well be more experienced in this area of law and/or Florida law than I am–I don’t know. </p>
<p>I don’t disagree with your advice in this instance. ( I think if you read my posts, you’ll see that. ) </p>
<p>However, Aries is an attorney. I know that. If you want me to explain in a PM how I know that, I shall. My objection was that your post implied --at least to me–that Aries was pretending to be an attorney. She’s not. She’s a lawyer. Feel free to say you think she gave lousy advice. But, IMO, you went too far in saying she was pretending to be a lawyer. That’s all. </p>
<p>I wouldn’t say that you, Hannah, MOWC, Hunt, or anyone else who self-identifies as an attorney here was lying about it without something to back that up. To me, you implied that Aries was lying about being a lawyer. She’s not. To me, that’s just plain rude. YMMV–and obviously, does. Again, feel free to disagree. Just don’t say I’m “pretending” to be a lawyer.</p>
<p>Jonri, I’m responding to several posters who discouraged OP from working with her U in addition to other avenues. I’m pointing out that she needs a number of people and processes lined up, each for its own reason, the service or support each can yield. (Why not?) She has expressed fears and the concern this will affect her academics. </p>
<p>We all know-or should- that this does not end with the paperwork or a court order. And, it doesn’t matter if the DV folks are equipped to provide legal services or not; calling them will not preclude her from seeking an attorney of her choice. Otoh, DV folks are people trained to respond to her needs in a number of ways. As are the U folks. No one said these latter two replace appropriate legal steps.</p>
<p>I’m 59. So the age issue should be relatively easy to settle. </p>
<p>A person’s credentials are irrelevant. My reference to “pretend lawyering” was to the context. If a lawyer participates in a mock trial, then they are participating in a “pretend” trial, not a real one. I did NOT say that anyone was “pretending to be a lawyer” – I used the phrase “play pretend lawyer on the internet”. It becomes real if and when an attorney-client relationship is established.</p>
<p>One thing I learned in law school and one reason that I AM qualified to give advice to people is that I do pay attention to the details in the way that things are worded. You’ve made a false assumption and inserted words that I did not write in order to support your assumption. That’s exactly the sort of reason that anyone who tells the OP what she can or can’t do based on her abbreviated reporting of the content of the order would be treading on very dangerous ground. You don’t want to read more into a sentence than what is actually written.</p>
<p>I understand I must get legal advice, and I jave also contacted the victim advocacy at my University.</p>
<p>To clarify. This person has an injunction against dating violence for hitting me, I am 5’2 and he is 6’2 and a boxer. He hit his ex, I found out later about that.</p>
<p>I was in college A, ex was not in college A. He knew of my intention og going to college B and knew I went there and where I’d be working, and my class schedule.</p>
<p>As the assaults increased in gravity I fled and filed the injunction. The injunction specifically forbids him from getting near my place of school “College B Campus property”.</p>
<p>This happened in FL. He has the order in FL.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your wishes, it really means a lot. I’ve worked a lot for this and I do not want him affecting my life anymore, I do not want to be a victim of him again. I am not helpless anymore.</p>
<p>worrypop, you really do need legal advice, either from a lawyer or a clinic with legal advisors set up to help victims of d.v. An injunction can be modified at any time. All it takes is the person who is subject to the injunction returning to court to request the modification. If he does that and you don’t show up to oppose his request, he will likely get what he is asking for. If you do show up, then you will have to be prepared to make a strong showing… </p>
<p>If your ex applies to and is accepted to College B, that would give him a reason to request the modification. He would tell the court that circumstances had changed, and that the injunction needs to be dropped or changed in order to allow him to complete his education. </p>
<p>Despite what some have told you on this thread, your ex still does have legal rights. If the injunction interferes with his civil rights (including his right to attend a university of his choosing), then he likely will be successful in obtaining a modification. If you were attending a small obscure college, a court might be very skeptical and deny his request. But you said you are on a large campus and it is university capable of granting Ph.D’s, so it sounds like a major university that is well-respected locally. </p>
<p>Please seek legal advice as soon as possible, because the outcome of a future hearing to modify the injunction could depend on the type of evidence you are able to produce to demonstrate your reasons to be fearful of him. A lawyer can help you plan for that situation. It may be important to start assembling evidence now, such as statements from witnesses who would help you in that situation.</p>
<p>And, worrypop, it is NOT your fault that we are arguing. That is us. </p>
<p>You do have a serious situation and I think we all would commend you for having the guts to take the steps you have taken and will take.</p>
<p>Make sure you do get some time with an attorney, for all the reasons cited. AND, make sure you have a safety net cast wide and securely. Ask ALL the questions you need to ask. </p>
<p>The university setting isn’t quite the same as the general community. For various reasons, they have an obligation to ensure reasonable safeties. This doesn’t always work perfectly, but beyond the confidentiality of the victim advocacy group on campus, you want to let the U know.</p>
<p>Yes, if I were to purport to give worrypop advice, then I would also be playing pretend lawyer on the internet.</p>
<p>But I am not giving her legal advice. I am telling her, over and over again, that she needs to go to a real law office or legal clinic, bring her paperwork with her, and get real advice from people who know her name and are obligated by professional standards to give her truthful advice that she can rely on. I am telling her that she can’t rely on what any stranger on the internet says, including me.</p>
<p>I’m curious what those so strongly advocating going to the dean of students expect the university to actually be able to do? </p>
<p>They are not going to have the campus police provide bodyguards. </p>
<p>What is to stop them from kicking the OP out “for her own safety”, like some places do with any student who hints that they might be a suicide risk.</p>
<p>You didn’t answer the question of what a dean is going to do for a student who is being stalked.</p>
<p>Let’s put aside the fact that the OP is at a large (presumably public) school in FL rather than an expensive private school, and assume that everyone involved has the best of intentions to help students. </p>
<p>If a student comes in with financial problems, a dean could talk to financial aid office, and the dean’s office probably has some money available to lend or give to students in emergencies. If these is a communication problem, a dean could talk to the involved parties and help resolve it. If there are personal issues, a dean can listen and perhaps refer the student for counseling. </p>
<p>But if a student comes in and says they are being stalked, what specifically do you expect a dean of students to be able to do, that is effective and legal, to keep that student safe? </p>
<p>Bonus question: How much should a dean consider the safety of other students, like the roommates of a student being stalked, who might also be put in danger?</p>
<p>I don’t know what tools the Dean has but certainly, HR would say it falls to him or her. And I’m sure the college’s legal staff would say that once notified of a potential dangerous situation, the Dean has a HUGE responsibility to do something. Think of the blind-eye at Penn State – millions in lawsuits, charges filed, a devastating punishment – because people who were at the helm didn’t do enough/anything. They blew it and now they have to pay (rightfully).</p>
<p>The problem is that schools VERY often blow it. Think of all the sexual assault cases, stalking cases, etc that are ignored or dismissed. We hear about it all the time. Yes, the school should be a resource but NEVER should the school be the only authority you go to.</p>
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