<p>Here is background information. My daughter is a soph. at a state flagship, about 40 minutes from home. She lives in a tiny medical single due to a physical injury requiring her room meet certain needs. She has two close friends in same building, and a few acquaintances. She does not have a ton of friends as she is very much against drinking due to issues my husband had with alcohol many years ago, and refuses to associate with anyone who drinks at all. I should point out she was assigned her room and did not choose it. Just before the 2012 Fall semester she was diagnosed with a metabolic/gynecological issue making it necessary for her to lose weight to deal with it. As she does everything else, she handled it with dedication and determination. She has since lost a lot of weight, and she and I both believe this problem has now turned into eating disorder in that she believes that eating/exercising/dieting are the only aspects of her life she can control. She says she can't control if professors like her, if other people want to be friends with her, or anything else. She has also become very anxious and depressed which I believe is due to this, and has already enlisted the services of a counselor in the mental health department that specializes in eating disorders and anxiety. We have had to make a few rides up there due to her calling crying hysterically, feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope. Last night this happened again, and we talked quite a bit and texted, but we did not bring her home. She is contemplating commuting the rest of the semester, giving up her room , and basically putting herself at bottom of list for housing for next year, so even if she was feeling better, she would have to commute. There is an on campus housing shortage. I have an appt. for her with her primary care to see about perhaps an anti anxiety or anti depressant. My husband deals with depression so I am not unfamiliar with it. I don't want to make her decision for her, as to what to do, but don't want her miserable. Any input in much appreciated.</p>
<p>Don’t worry about housing for next year. Just worry about helping her right now. You’re all doing the right thing by involving medical professionals. They’ll help you make the right decision about where she should be for the next few weeks. You’re fortunate in that she could perhaps spend a few nights a week at the dorm and a few at home if that’s what everyone agrees is best. Good luck!</p>
<p>I think you are doing as much as possible for your D. She did take control of her medical issue, which may have contributed to another problem, so she is capable of making changes. Hopefully, she will get back in balance. Growing up and becoming independent is a huge transition, and it sounds like she has many people in her corner. I am glad you posted. Sometimes, it just helps to get it out.</p>
<p>Housing is the least of her problems. Gosh–a 40 minute commute is nothing. Forget about the housing and focus on her emotional/physical well being. If she would rather live at home and commute, let her.</p>
<p>Do what you have to do, but check with housing, sometimes leaving housing with a medical excuse will keep her in pool.</p>
<p>So many issues. Her strong stance against alcohol exceeds a rational choice to not partake. Going on a diet and developing an eating disorder is not rational. You mention your husband having had issues. I’m not a doctor but I see your D as very susceptible to addiction. I say this because dependency and addiction go hand in hand and your D is struggling with developing her independence.</p>
<p>I think depression is an immediate problem that benefits from medicine but medicine is a short term solution at best. She needs some counseling big time about how to be accepting of others, how to be independent, how to develop social skills, etc. You have a fragile D, perhaps due to her experiences, that you have to help toughen up. I pray for all the best to you. You have no easy choices ahead of you and your Ds adult status can make the situation much more tricky since she can refuse any help you offer.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry your daughter is struggling with this. Young adulthood can be such a difficult transition and depression and other mental illnesses seem to show up during this fragile time.</p>
<p>I agree that it’s best to bring her home with you while she works this out with a counselor, preferably one who specializes in eating disorders. Children of alcoholics often have control issues. My thoughts are with you and your family.</p>
<p>OP, you mentioned that your D had a metabolic/gynecological problem. If she has PCOS and she’s taking Metformin, it could have a significant impact on her weight and her mood. You might want to look into the role Metformin might be playing here (if she is taking it).</p>
<p>Good luck to you and your D.</p>
<p>Thanks for replies. Firstly, I absolutely agree that next years housing is the least of the problems right now. Secondly, as for her being accepting of others, she is 99.98 % accepting of other human beings. Personally, I choose not to associate with people who smoke because they stink, and she chooses not to associate with college students who drink illegally and are irresponsible with their alcohol consumption, as are many of the college students on her campus. She has nothing in common with those who think a good time must include alcohol. I am proud of her stance on this. Lastly, depression does need counseling to be dealt with properly, but because in 50% of the cases of depression, the cause is a chemical imbalance, medication might be necessary as well as the counseling.</p>
<p>Your daughter is lucky to have you. I concur that an assessment of whether anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds or other psych meds could help is in order. She also has complex medical issues going on and all efforts should be well-coordinated among her physicians. My preference would be to have counseling as well as a psycho-pharmacologist/ sophisticated with meds psychiatrist (not a gp), addressing the issue. They are most current with options and this could be particularly relevant for your daughter so that all health issues are accommodated. Best to you all.</p>
<p>Sounds like you are doing all the right things to me. Good luck!</p>
<p>So she doesn’t associate in anyway with anyone who drinks? That shrinks the social pool considerably. My daughter wasn’t and isn’t a big drinker. Maybe a couple of beers at a party once a week. But she didn’t dismiss all drinkers. She found like minded friends.<br>
She may actually have a lot in common with people who have a glass of wine. But she sounds very rigid and closed off. What about work? She won’t work with anyone who consumes alcohol? What about a potential spouses family? It’s fine she is so firm, but seems that has maybe created a wall around her, adding to her depression.<br>
That is another issue that she needs to deal with. I don’t like smoking at all either. But I wouldn’t dismiss someone if they smoked so long admit wasn’t around me.</p>
<p>What is status of dorm payment at this point? Any refund? If not, then officially pulling from housing serves no purpose.</p>
<p>And is adding more drugs to an already overloaded system the answer? Seems so many want to drug drug drug. Yes in some cases meds are necessary and helpful, but drugging without first looking at the bigger life picture can be dangerous.</p>
<p>She already had an appt. set to see Dr. which I was able to move up to this Friday. I am hoping they have a cancellation for tomorrow which would be great as she has no classes. When I say she does not associate with people who drink, I am saying socially. What her coworkers do is their business. She does not socialize with them. A few beers a week is more than I would be comfortable having my underage student consuming. It is illegal.
Really she is a very open minded smart young lady, except when alcohol is the subject.</p>
<p>It’s good that both of you recognize the seriousness of the eating disorder and want to get a handle on it fast. That is what happened with my sister when she was in HS (so luckily she was already living at home). Thanks to quick identification and treatment, she went on to a life free of the eating disorder. </p>
<p>The other issues also need addressing, of course, and it looks like you’re working to do so. It does sound like anxiety and depression are playing a large part in the overall picture, so be sure to take a look at them.</p>
<p>I’m a little confused about the drinking issue and why you brought it up-does your D feel that she has few friends because of this? You also say in your OP that she will not associate AT ALL with anyone who drinks AT ALL. But in other posts you’re saying it’s only UNDERAGE drinkers she won’t associate with. That’s a big difference. If it’s just the student underage drinking, chances are there ARE like-minded kids in her school-I’ve seen several posts about “straight-edge” kids or sober living rooms, etc. Maybe you could encourage your D to seek those out. Good luck to you, and her.</p>
<p>She needs an eating disorder specialist asap, in my opinion, and you will probably have to research and find that yourself. There are outpatient clinics, and inpatient clinics. If addressed early, you may save your daughter decades of misery and even save her life. Eating disorder clinics will address the kind of black and white thinking that others have mentioned (such as avoiding anyone who drinks, socially, a position you also might want to adjust because it is very rigid). There are meds for eating disorders but these days there is a lot of expertise in specialized clinics about how to address them.</p>
<p>As for PCOS, if that is the issue, has anyone mentioned bioidentical progesterone cream or other approaches? I don’t think any medical person should simply tell a young woman of her age to lose weight, without a lot of support. It is a recipe for trouble.</p>
<p>I hope she goes home, but that won’t solve the eating disorder and could even make it worse.</p>
<p>p.s editing to add that compounding pharmacies can make progesterone cream tailored to your daughter. Here is a little info on it. I am not a medical person and only have some personal experience with this. The cream did not totally address the problem but helped, in the experience of someone close to me.</p>
<p>"I recommend supplementation of normal physiologic doses of progesterone to treat PCOS. If progesterone levels rise each month during the luteal phase of the cycle, as they are supposed to do, this maintains the normal synchronal pattern each month, and PCOS rarely, if ever, occurs. Natural progesterone should be the basis of PCOS treatment, along with attention to stress, exercise, and nutrition.</p>
<p>If you have PCOS, you can use 15 to 20 mg of progesterone cream daily from day 14 to day 28 of your cycle. If you have a longer or a shorter cycle, adjust accordingly. The disappearance of facial hair and acne are usually obvious signs that hormones are becoming balanced, but to see these results, you’ll need to give the treatment at least six months, in conjunction with proper diet and exercise." This is quoted from the The John R Lee Medical Letter 1999.(10)</p>
<p>Not socializing with people who drink is going to be a lifelong battle. No weddings?</p>
<p>As far a illegal, will people suddenly change when they hit the magic 21? Or will daughter not socialize at all if alcohol is involved? A work dinner with wine? She can drink water.</p>
<p>I ask because this kind of rigidity, this mindset of following all the rules etc has not helped her eating disorder. It’s all part of the same issue if you look deep into.</p>
<p>“She does not socialize with them.”</p>
<p>So, she wouldn’t be friends with them in a go-to-the-movies, have-lunch-in-the-dining-hall way? I didn’t respond to this issue initially because it is secondary to the medical emergency, but it seems extreme to me to cut off potential friends because they may have a beer on a Friday night when they are not with you. At almost any public school, this is going to cause social isolation unless you are part of a religious community.</p>
<p>“She has nothing in common with those who think a good time must include alcohol.”</p>
<p>There are lots of underage college students who drink who are not in this category. I didn’t drink at all in high school or my first couple of years in college. I would still have been very put off by a new friend who conditioned her friendship with me on my teetotaling. I would not want a friend who was going to cut me off if I decided to have a beer when she wasn’t around.</p>
<p>Because we can’t know if the eating disorder is causing (or was caused by) one of her other issues, the only advice I think anyone can give is to get your D to the best medical care you can and try to sort this out. The pcp might be a great doctor, but you want a specialist. You want someone who knows which of the many anti-anxiety or anti-depression drugs are appropriate for someone with an eating disorder as many of these drugs affect appetite. And get her into a situation where the care is coordinated. The college counselor and the pcp do not work together. With your daughter’s many issues, consider looking at a group that does both psychiatry and therapy/counseling so that her providers talk to each other regularly.</p>
<p>Hugs to you and your daughter. My heart goes out to you. It sounds like you are trying to get the necessary help for her as soon as possible. If she feels like she needs to come home during this time of crisis, I’d let her do it. She can drive to her classes. </p>
<p>Unfortunately, many mental health issues arise during the college years. Seeing a good therapist is a must. If she needs to go on antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication, it’s best to see a reputable psychiatrist who is well versed in medication management. Don’t let your GP handle this. You may already know this.</p>
<p>FWIW, my D doesn’t like to socialize with drinkers either. It’s just a personal choice. She and her friends can find lots of ways to have a good time that don’t involve alcohol.</p>
<p>Just want to add that a nutritionist is very important to treatment. At an eating disorder cllinic,they will coordinate nutritionist, MD and therapist.</p>