<p>I didn’t. 
Can’t take things too seriously when you’re raising “crops!” It’s all good in a light hearted debate. Luckily our kids are doing fine. My azeleas however? hmmm. I need a good BS for them because they’re not doing too well under my care here! ;)</p>
<p>DAndrew, part of the problem in discussing this issue is the trade-off between “fit” and “prestige.” A boy who’s been accepted to Hotchkiss and Exeter may have the leisure of deciding which school fits him best. If he were to face the choice between Exeter and a very good, but not famous, boarding school, many parents (grandparents, aunts & uncles) will be tempted to persuade him to accept the more prestigious school, even if they themselves have doubts about whether he will flourish there. And, if a child’s having a tough time at a BS, the more prestigious the school, the more difficult it can be for a parent to say, “you can come home.”</p>
<p>To transfer the discussion to the college level, the same student might be accepted by CalTech, Olin, and Harvard. One college will fit her better than the others, even if she might flourish at any one of the three.</p>
<p>This site tends to draw people who’ve had good experiences with boarding schools. It is good to balance fans with critics.</p>
<p>
Periwinkle, but this is exactly not the scenario under discussion here. OP’s C actually chose a “less prestigious” school when they had an option for a more prestigious one although his current school is well known as well. They then found out that the school wasn’t as great as they expected, and felt that while the child was doing well in his BS he actually could do well in their highly rated local PS as well. I just thought that paying the tuition of $45K a year for an high school education they were not really enthusiastic about while they had great local option(s) was somewhat a waste. I just have to point this out when I see the discussing - after almost 10 pages - heading back to the generic “fit” discussion again.</p>
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<p>I think what has happened so far (paraphrasing): The family was grieving loss of “first choice” (I think PAr? but don’t quote me on that) and opted for the choice at hand but immediately reapplied to “first choice” while enrolled at the “second choice BS” and was declined a second time. That, we contend, led to part of the less than desirable climate at the second choice school where the child is currently enrolled.</p>
<p>The discussion is that the OP had two choices now - repair the damage at the current school and then take a step backwards out of the picture and let the son learn to advocate for himself, or have him come home. Since the headmaster “intimated” that he had other full-pays waiting to take the boys place, it revealed she had next to no leverage there when asking for accommodations (single room, honors classes, etc.) going into the next year. In a sense, he called their bluff.</p>
<p>Which is why we say love the school that loves you (and loved you first). Unless it’s a bad fit, taking a spot then asking for recommendations to a competitor makes for an uneasy choice. </p>
<p>And yes - students sometimes transfer but either because:</p>
<ol>
<li>the school and student recognize fit was off</li>
<li>and/or the student had leverage at the competitor which assured they’d get a place.</li>
</ol>
<p>Since OP was less than enthusiastic - we suggested have him come home to great local options. That he chose the other option - to stay - means a lot of repair work ahead to assure his final three years go more smoothly.</p>
<p>Despite our sparring, I do totally understand OP’s angst.</p>
<p>^^I am pretty sure you haven’t got all the facts about OP’s situation, but I’ll leave it to her on how much she wants to disclose here on a public forum.</p>
<p>Right now I’m going strictly on what we were told from the beginning and subsequent emails. If it’s not the whole story, then it’s hard to give advice on a partial, know what I mean?</p>