<p>It's my first post here. I'm Colin Pedicini, a first semester freshman at NMSU in Las Cruces. We're at the end of the first semester...and here's what I've tried so far, without much luck.</p>
<p>1) Asking for contact info via email. The ones that do give me addresses don't write back after I write them, which drives me nuts.
2) Sitting with others at dinner. (They leave after 10 minutes).
3) Joining student governmment and residence hall association. (I'm in a freshman dorm with 700 others).
4) Engaging in general conversation on the way to classes.</p>
<p>a) Other pertinent info: Have mild cerebral palsy on left side after premature birth, three months early; I have an orthotic on left leg. Due to this I eat slow (20 minutes for a light meal, 45 for a full meal). Most people talk in "Dude" terms. Most say Hi to me but have iPods or cellphones, so they're not paying attention. They also say Hi when walking right by me, never slowing down. I've also tried initiating conversation without much luck. Most of the time I'm barely able to get into the conversation. At meals, everyone else eats in ten minutes...and they have a conversation; I need 20 to eat a light meal, not conversing, as stated above. If I wanted to converse with people, I'd have to do it in three seconds or fewer...and I have no clue how to do this.</p>
<p>Have 16 hours now (4.0 gpa), 17 hours in the spring. Planning to double major in math and history (in four years) and go into intellectual property law. Don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, nor do I have plans to (thus taking me out of loop, as other topics of discussion revolve around the latest party over the weekend.)</p>
<p>I know of at least two students talking about transferring after spring 2006. 30% of freshman class dropped out as of October 24. I have to wonder: Is anybody I meet going to be around after the spring?</p>
<p>Most of my friends from HS don't write anymore (it took me three years of HS to get those connections going). That means I feel like I have no friends three months into college life. (In case you're wondering, I've never had a girlfriend, either).</p>
<p>i feel you man. i don't know if i can advise you, but i'm really depressed these days too (mainly cuz of girls) and maybe i'll post my situation so u can see what i plan to do about it.</p>
<p>Cheer up guys. I didn't make much progress with the social stuff either but whatever you do, don't get too caught up in it. colinp, your best bet is to just keep yourself active and meeting new people. It's the only way to go. At some point you'll hopefully find some new people that you click better with. At the same, just keep a positive attitude and don't get too obsessed over it. You'll only make yourself more depressed and people will notice that.</p>
<p>And you are not out of the loop by not drinking and smoking. Plenty of people who don't do that stuff.</p>
<p>It's hard at a large university, and sounds as if you have some special circumstances that make it harder. How about clubs around your interests? Anything you were engaged in at high school? (Math club? political activism? community service?) These might translate into: math student association, chess club, disability rights group, anti-smoking groups, peer counseling groups, College Republicans/Democrats, etc? Perhaps the student counseling center also runs some groups. Sometimes these groups include ones about how to meet people at the university, which attract those who, like you, are still feeling disconnected after the first semester. I noticed that one of the ways those who don't drink get engaged at my son's campus is by taking an EMT course and joining the campus ambulance corps. I don't know if that is possible/interesting for you. But pretty much everywhere, community service projects are a way to meet people who will value your contribution and not care how long it takes you to eat.</p>
<p>As I'm sure you've figured out, some classes are better than others for meeting people. Language classes (tend to be small), classes in which people form teams to do projects, may work out best. I wish you a better second semester. I know it's hard, but keep trying.</p>
<p>Do not let your disinterest in alcohol and drugs hinder you from forming a network with those that are involved in these things. I know many people who do not intoxicate themselves (like myself), yet, still manage to get along with everyone. I warn you, do not throw yourself into depression because you feel isolated from those around you. Trust me, I know from experience. Be happy, others will notice this and will want to become your friend. Simply put, just be yourself and friends will follow.</p>
<p>evanescenteuphoria! I'm in the same boat as you - in bad spirits because of the opposite sex (in my case, guys). It might sound morbid, but I'm comforted to know I'm not the only one.</p>
<p>re: sac, #4:
I was in HS Student Council, and ran the clock for basjetball games. On EMTs, that's not an option. I'm an ectomorph, all of 5' 5", 100 lbs, and manual labor isn't my forte. So far I've been lucky; no one's commented about my height yet. (But I have had people insist that I was 24. I'll be 24...in 2010.) On forming teams: I usually get stuck with the folks that don't do anything (because the jocks and popular people all pick each other), forcing me to salvage the project by doing all the work.</p>
<p>nikkei325i, #5: I've been trying to act happy.</p>
<p>From what you are telling me, I think you're a really nice guy. If I knew you, I would definitely be friends with you. </p>
<p>The problem is your social skills. I think, for people who don't know you, they sort of don't know you're a nice guy and judge you by your behaviors. This is why you had good connections in highschool after three years: by eventually getting to know people.</p>
<p>Signs of awkward social skills:
"1) Asking for contact info via email. The ones that do give me addresses don't write back after I write them, which drives me nuts."
I would feel strange if someone asked me for my email. It's more common if they asked me for my number. If I need to email someone about something important, I just have to type in their name on the school emailserverprogram, or if not I can search it up in the directory, or look it up on facebook.</p>
<p>2) Visiting collegeconfidential
Okay, I'm a hypocrite... I come here a lot when I procrastinate, like when I have to write a paper and I lock myself in a library to avoid people so they don't distract me... but end up going on here because I'm desperate for distractions. But don't put your real name on here! Imagine if someone from your school read it. They would think... what the hell?</p>
<p>Don't worry! After reading about your dining hall story.. I don't think I should continue. You are overanalyzing this! The harder you try, the harder it might become. Don't make it seem like you're trying extremely hard desperate to make friends, that might make some mean people avoid you. Just be yourself, be happy, study hard, and talk to people. By talking, I don't mean the "how's the weather" kind of superficial conversation. Just be genuine and real.</p>
<p>i think one of the reasons why i feel really crappy about social issues (i'm actually a senior in high school right now), is b/c i devoted a loooot of my time in high school to studies and my hard classes are filled with people that my friends (from middle school) aren't in. I used to be pretty popular...and in high school girls used to think i was cute (do they still?)...but now i'm sorta isolated with new friends (mainly nerdier) that don't care about girls and i'm just generally isolated from the "cool" people and the hot girls (that i really miss).</p>
<p>a lot can change after 4 years.
i feel depressed a lot these days.</p>
But don't put your real name on here! Imagine if someone from your school read it. They would think... what the hell?
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<p>So? People's names are all over Facebook. Why does it matter if it's on here? Not like anyone will care let alone notice. But I agree with the rest of the things you said.</p>
<p>And guys, don't do what I did earlier in the semester and start getting very depressed and treating it as a "me vs. them" kind of battle. I am learning more and more that people open up to you more in general if you open up to them a little. I have to get over my anxiety of "feeling too vulernable" when opening up. So worse thing you can do is get angry and depressed by thinking about the problem more and more. Think of the solution, not the problem.</p>
<p>You're not alone, I can't beleive its already the end of the first semester and I have made absolutely no friends, no aquaintences, nothing. I actually tend to be very shy and anti social though and like to be by myself almost all of the time.</p>
<p>I am a second year college student. It is interesting to read what you guys are going through. I lot of it I could have identified with last year, sometimes still. That said, I sympathize. </p>
<p>It does get better second time around, though. Oftentimes, the loneliness you feel is still part of adjusting to a new atmosphere and feeling peer pressure. If you concentrate as much on it as you say, you'll drive yourself crazy. I think Adconard said something along these lines and I agree with him. It's difficult, but it's something you have to get through. </p>
<p>What I suggest and what actually seems to work in my experience, despite it's clich</p>
<p>well. i agree with TUFTA08. if you keep yourself busy, you'll be crazy happy! :) like................if i could play my guitar 8 hours a day BY MYSELF and write a decent song everyday, i'd be VERY happy. as happy as if i were the most popular kid on ground. keep your self busy, do things that are you are interested, always think back on how much you've accomplished when other people are chilling/chatting in their dorm rooms. that'd be make you happy. However, if u r BORED and always think if there's anything wrong with your social life, you are more likely to develope a negative attitude.</p>
<p>so keep yourself occupied, keep on trying, take advantage of facebook, hang out with non-boring guys more frequently. if all that doesnt work, then learn to drink and party hard. if THAT still doesn't work, transfer.</p>
<p>I don't know if the previous post was sarcastic or not, but let me reiterate. I did not propose "sitting in your room for eight hours a day". That's not conducive to anything. By being busy in the campus - in classes and clubs - you can at least meet other people and learn to take yourself less seriously. Drink and party hard? Oh, I hardly think it's the ultimate harbinger of joy. </p>
<p>And yes, boredom can lead to a negative attitude.</p>
<p>I commute to campus, so I have no friends at all after the first semester. I'm going to transfer and stay in a dorm, join a frat and hope I have fun.</p>
<p>Don't stress, because you have friends here on CC! Just be patient at school. Friendship is way overrated anyway. Just let it happen naturally. </p>
<p>When you become a big shot intellectual property attorney, everyone will love you and your money! Everyone will want to be your friend.</p>
<p>I think that should be reworded as "learn to take your problems less seriously" or really "realize you have the freedom to treat your problem as a challenge to overcome and not some horrible event in your life". I don't believe in ever not taking myself seriously. Take problems less seriously? Absolutely.</p>
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Drink and party hard? Oh, I hardly think it's the ultimate harbinger of joy.
<p>But anyways Colin, it seems like you are doing as much as you can to get things going in your social life, so things should start turning your way, sometimes it just takes time. Good luck with everything.</p>