<p>hi all. i just spent a long three hours pouring over my essay. I think it has come a long way, and I would GREATLY appreciate any feedback at all. If you're interested in reading it, just respond to this post and I will PM it to you right away. Just FYI, it is one of the two essays I plan on submitting with my early application to yale.</p>
<p>thanks in advance.</p>
<p>I'll read it and give u my opinion.</p>
<p>sent, thanks!</p>
<p>danhak, i say your essay is VERY VERY GOOD. It was both funny and interesting. Very good essay in my opinion. The title first scared me but I read it and saw the point of the title. Very interesting story.</p>
<p>i appreciate the feedback, thanks a lot.</p>
<p>If you PM it to me, I'll be happy to read it.</p>
<p>I'd also be happy to read it if you PM me.</p>
<p>I'll look over it too, just PM me.</p>
<p>Very strong essay! I loved the title in particular, and how it tied in...</p>
<p>Here are a few small things that I noticed. They aren't mistakes, but just things that I would fix in an essay.</p>
<p>"Iran was always a part of me, I just never knew it. "</p>
<p>I would change this to "Iran has always been a part of me, I just never knew it."</p>
<p>and</p>
<p>" My mothers English has gotten a lot better over the years."</p>
<p>I would make this "My mother's English has improved dramatically (or synomym) over the years."</p>
<p>Excellent job! You should feel proud as you submit that essay.</p>
<p>Fantastic! Best of luck to you!</p>
<p>thank you all so much for your help. i guess my essay needs a few minor changes, and it's off to #2!</p>
<p>thanks again.</p>