<p>curmudgeon- I was under the impression that my college essays - - short and long answers - - needed to be my own work, flaws and all. I gave copies of my essays for informational purposes to my teachers from whom I had solicited recommendations along with my resume AFTER I had submitted my application. It feels strange to think that some of my peers are receiving coaching from any source.</p>
<p>But they are, aren’t they?</p>
<p>Beyond the question of ethics is the practicality of too much help of any kind during the application process: Admittance might be gained to a school too difficult for the student.</p>
<p>i think a parent reviewing or making suggestions would be fine…but the parent shouldnt be doing the actual essay! i would love it if my son could have a class for writing the application essay…i know with him, he would be more accepting of any criticism or suggestion from someone other than me. as his will be done while away at school, i wont have alot of input of would love to review the final product.</p>
<p>curmudgeon beat me to it. I know kids who see college counselors, who take essay prep classes, who spend the first six weeks in senior English class working with teachers and peers on their essays. Why is it worse for a parent to help?</p>
<p>I don’t see anything unethical about having a parent help with the essay as long as the parent doesn’t write the whole thing. I just don’t think a parent would be as objective as a teacher or friend would be.</p>
<p>For example, let’s say a someone wanted to write a paper about how a disability that was genetically inherited has affected her life. It might not be a good idea for the parent to read it if the parent still harbors some guilt for having passed on an aberrant gene to his/er kid. This is probably not the best example, but having someone who is close to you read your essay may stymie your creativity.</p>
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<p>because obviously we “enfeeble” our children.</p>
<p>Two wrongs don’t make a right. I think it is misguided for English classes to “teach” the college essay. Prep classes in writing essays in general wouldn’t be the same as coaching an exact answer for a given prompt. Talking to college counselors for general advice? I haven’t heard of anyone doing that in my circles, but that does not bother me as much as direct coaching and editing does. Direct coaching and editing by parents and teachers does make me feel like the pinball game of admissions is unfairly tilted.</p>
<p>fudgemaster, I think you and I are in agreement. I would never think to tell ds to change his opinion on a topic or that his thoughts on a subject weren’t vaild. I’m talking about generating ideas, chasing commas, etc. Nothing that would change his voice in the essay.</p>
<p>When ds was entering seventh grade, he had to write an esay to get into a competitive program. I thought 95% of the essay was spot on, but there was one sentence that made me cringe, where he quoted his favorite Garfield cartoon. I didn’t tell him to cut it, but I did make sure he spelled lasagna/lasagne correctly. :)</p>
<p>ETA: He was accepted into the program. I’m sure they loved the Garfield reference. What did I know?</p>
<p>Youdon’tsay - - I remember a middle school contest that was won by a friend who proudly admitted to me that her mother helped her. I came in second with my own work. I almost have the same feeling now that I had then. She was able to read her essay at 8th grade graduation. Luckily, I am not the jealous type. We are still good friends.</p>
<p>Is the field also tilted when you discuss your essays with friends, buy a book on Writing the Perfect Application Essay?, go online to source out previous “winning” essays for ideas, talk to a family friend who is/was an adcom for what that school looks for in an essay? Just trying to find the line, folks. Seems like it might snake around a bit. </p>
<p>BTW, If this bugs y’all, google post-graduate scholarships and find the offices at colleges dedicated to assisting students apply to those. Not to mention the college provided prep courses (at some schools) for MCAT and LSAT and BYOB …wait, nix that last one. That was MY prep course. ;)</p>
<p>Wow - looks like everyone is piling on me because I think people should do their own work.
Perhaps parents on CC are the micromanaging types.
Why don’t we just have collaborative essays for college entrance and call them such? Makes a better match with reality to me.</p>
<p>Senior-level high school English classes in here in the San Diego area routinely have a segment where the entire class works on developing, writing, and editing their college essays. They frequently work off the UC prompts.</p>
<p>The process I worked with both my daughters was mostly to get them thinking and keep them focused. If they just went in there on their own they each would just stare at the blank screen for while and then waste the next few hours looking at Facebook pages. Instead I sit down and start asking questions and probing their (not my) thoughts and ideas about the prompts and help them basically develop a list of bullet points. After we have a nice list of points. I ask them to see if they can spot any trends, themes, or stories in those thoughts that they could pull together into a cohesive essay. With that they are off and running. After a little while she has a nice first draft - all from her thoughts and ideas. I just helped provide and little process and a little focus.</p>
<p>I’m asking questions. I’m not piling on. </p>
<p>It just seems to me anything that other than “coke formula secrecy” about all things application related (whether that be school choice, essay help, rec help) would be considered unethical by somebody, and I don’t know anyone IRL who keeps to that standard.</p>
<p>edit: Note title of this thread. Just wondering why it didn’t include Ethics of Fellow Students Help with Essays or Teachers Help with Essays or Google Help. Limiting it to a parent’s help seems to be an arbitrary dividing line.</p>
<p>I wish D’s AP classes (which are doing nothing but busy work for the next month) would help the kids with possible essays like some of the parents are posting here. I am sure she would listen to her teachers and peers more than to me.</p>
<p>I wrote my essay in one draft sitting on the floor in front of the television and somehow managed to get into a top-50 LAC. Granted, admissions might be a tougher game these days, but somehow I believe my earnestness came through in the essay. I wish I had a copy of it to refresh my memory, but I believe I wrote about how I loved to learn new things and how I believed I would never stop having a passion for learning new things and college was just the next logical step in that lifelong pursuit. I don’t believe then or now that it was a fabulous essay, but I can say in hindsight that it was honest and from my “heart.” </p>
<p>You asked about ethics. I think acting as a sounding board is reasonable. I even think having someone read through and point out grammar/spelling problems is reasonable–but have the student actually fix the problems. I think the line is crossed when the parent provides the ideas, images, themes or get involved in the actual writing process or revision process beyond what I just outlined above.</p>
<p>Think of this essay process as an initiatory step for the young adult going to college. I figure if a student is unable to write a self-reflective essay then there is a problem (immaturity of spirit, immaturity of academic skills). The student should have developed enough desire and skill to pass this simple requirement on their own with minimal guidance of a parent.</p>
<p>There are many good books out there with sample essays and articles on what constitutes a good essay. You can point out those resources if your child is particularly lost. It’s time to let your young adult flounder a little bit and discover what he or she has in terms of resourcefulness.</p>
<p>Annika</p>
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<p>Why can’t a parent point out what makes a good essay without a book? What if the parent is an author of such a book? Could his student read his book? ;)</p>
<p>What if it was written using a pseudonym and the student didn’t know it was the parent’s book? ;)</p>
<p>The reason I suggested a parent point a child toward a book about college essays is that for the over-involved parent, this is a good middle way that addresses both sides of the issue. The parent knows the information has been provided, but the child has to move out of passively being guided through the college application process and <em>read</em> the book or article/s.</p>
<p>If the parent has published a book, sure, why not. The solution I presented is about the parent taking large steps backwards from the hand-holding while still being able to feel as if resources have been made available.</p>
<p>My rule of thumb with raising 16+ year olds is if something is so new that the child has never seen it before and has no experience with something before to give them parental guidance (to a point). I know my 16 year old has written essays to a prompt and had to turn them in in time, edited, etc. They’ve done it for literary analysis, history papers, etc. But, they have never done an essay for college applications. Thus - I really don’t need to primer them on most of the essay format - but they probably could use some tips on what constitutes a good college application essay. Since I also believe in having my adult child practice autonomy, I mix-n-match. I have a short talk to see what the child does and does not understand about this particular essay format and clue them in on any big missing pieces, including dispelling the myth that “it isn’t that important”. Then I show them the essay books available, tell them they can google more information, and that I’m available if they have questions. And then leave it be.</p>
<p>Annika</p>
<p>annika, I understood your point and our “systems” are much the same. I was just having fun (edit: with the “no parents - ever” crowd). 
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<p>In my own D’s situation: a rural high school with an over-worked but under-prepared counselor, a spiteful AP English teacher who twasn’t that bright, no money for paid counselors, and a dearth of other preparatory school quality college admissions “aids” - she was limited to …me, CC, Google, and the library. </p>
<p>It worked out O.K…</p>
<p>Ah! I didn’t take your 
literally enough!</p>
<p>Annika</p>