Ethics of Parental Help With Essay

Parents Forum
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<p>I was actually lying in wait and was going to use “What if the parent IS a favorite teacher?” or “fellow high school student?” or “student on CC at the target uni?” since (to some) help of the same type by those folks appears to be treated differently. </p>

<p>The harshest criticism seems to be reserved for parents. Why is that? Do some assume a level of parental control that hasn’t existed at my house since 7th grade? Apply here, take this SAT Subject Test, retake this ACT…yeah. Right. Those things go over real well at my house. I’d have to sleep with the lights on. :eek:</p>

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<p>I must admit, this thread surprised me. My H and I are educators and are very strict about plagiarism, cheating etc. It NEVER occured to us to NOT help each of our children with their essay. </p>

<p>All professional writers get feedback. Look at the acknowledgment section of novels and textbooks. Newspapers have copy editors. University faculty have peers read and comment on their papers and books. </p>

<p>Correcting, commenting and suggesting changes is not the same as writing the essay or stating the subject.</p>

<p>If an applicant does not want any input from a parent, I think that their choice (and consequence thereof) should be respected. But if an applicant wants a parents input–that is perfectly legit!</p>

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<p>Jumping in to say that I think Kollegekid has herself on a pedestal of sorts. If you are still remembering with such accuracy an 8th grade essay contest, I don’t think you got “over it.” This said, for most of what was said, I agree. Do your own work.</p>

<p>However, my son would write his essays, and bring them to me. I would read and maybe I said, … I don’t know what you are trying to tell me here. Or I know what you are TRYING to say, but maybe you could put it another way. If I made suggestions, even sometimes to sleep on the idea or let it rest a day or two, he would either take it or leave it. It was his work absolutely. But there is also absolutely no harm in having someone look at your spelling, grammar and yes, even intended meaning. Personally, I thought my son’s common application essay was just OK. It was well written and personal, but not very “deep.” Others her wrote were a little better, but never did I think that his essay(s) would be the clincher. His grades and strength of schedule was. </p>

<p>And most important, I know of no colleges that weight the essay more than GPA, tests, and the rest - especially LACs who would use them more than other schools. Large state schools don’t even require essays a lot of the time.</p>

<p>Looked at another way: My son used to fill out study guides and make me quiz him. Was that offering him too much help? When he was a freshman, I used to help him develop conclusions when his paper was “done” and he was struggling with how to wrap it up. Before he could drive himself, I took him to the library and would help him find the books he needed. All of this I did because I am his mom. I did not enfeeble? (enable) him.</p>

<p>I know lots of hovering parents. Some who write weekly emails to teachers to make sure they are doing their jobs instead of ensuring their kids take responsibility for their own part in the process. That was not who I was or am. I was supportive when he asked because he asked. Younger D… if it doesn’t get caught in spell check (which by the way we never had) it’s not gonna get caught. She likes her own learning curve regardless of how steep it ends up being.</p>

<p>Don’t pick the topic, but you can brainstorm. Do not write, but you can punctuate. If you help too much it will become clear that it’s not an 18 year old writing. And do not worry too much about cliche. While some things are surely tired, if an 18 year old is writing from the heart even the cliche might be their aha moment. After all, a cliche is only a cliche because it’s been around as long we parents have! :)</p>

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<p>We get a thread like this nearly every year. There is always a zealot or two out there who is convinced that any kid who allows his parents to even <em>read</em> his essays is guilty of the worst sort of cheating. If the parent points out a mistake in need of correction or makes any suggestions at all, it’s a felony.</p>

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<p>There is always a zealot or two out there who is convinced that any kid who allows his parents to even <em>read</em> his essays is guilty of the worst sort of cheating.</p>

<p>So true, but doesn’t it seem that some of these folks have no problem with the essay classes, books, brainstorming with others…just not parents/ Anyone want to offer a guess why? As I suggested , I’m wondering if folks think there is a whole lot of part Rasputin/Svengali/Lecter devil-parents out here just waiting to get our hands on a sexy little admissions prompt. And some fava beans. ;)</p>

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<p>My take on this is that if you overedit/overinfluence a child’s essay:</p>

<p>1) it won’t sound like their voice or their age and your intent to help might backfire
2) if you polish the essay to increase their chances at admission to a high level school where they will attend but you won’t, is that setting them up for failure? In other words, if they can’t get into the school writing how they know how, with limited proofreading by others, should they be going there?</p>

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<p>I have to agree with kollegkid on this one; how can colleges accurately compare the writing ability of applicants if the students are receiving entirely different amounts of assistance from various sources of questionable propriety? If a student cannot write and edit his own 2 page essay (or whatever it was, I’ve already forgotten) by 12th grade, perhaps said student should enroll in remedial writing. I understand that parents want their child to get into the best college and all that, but at some point the handholding needs to stop.</p>

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<p>^^ Trust the process a little people. Do they (adcoms) not know how to gauge differences between populations who have access to test prep and AP classes? I agree very much that to cross the line is a very risky thing to do for exactly the reasons we’ve said, it loses the kid’s voice. And that’s the point… it has to be THEIR voice not your edited and watered down one.</p>

<p>And too… a friend of mine’s daughter wrote her essay about inane family car trips were. Her father’s lame jokes, her sister’s miniscule bladder, etc… she didn’t let them read it, but it was fantastic. How do I know? She asked me to check her grammar. She got into Northwestern, UPenn and Swarthmore.</p>

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<p>Please do not forget the Chianti.</p>

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<p>{quote ]how do I know? She asked me to check her grammar.

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<p>That is the point!</p>

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<p>just trying</p>

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<p>yeah! You did it Morrismm. :)</p>

<p>By the way, do we think the OP is wondering if she’s opened a pandora’s box of sorts? If there is one thing we are not short of here on CC, it’s opinion!</p>

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<p>Our son wrote his main essay on a weekend afternoon and received no assistance from anyone nor did he want any. He showed it to me after the Common Apps were sent in. It was a funny take on his view on perfection and was totally in his own voice-connecting a popular song lyric, a family vacation, our rickety picket fence and his imperfect teeth in a tidy written package. </p>

<p>That placed him on the solidest ethical footing possible. And imho placed student receiving some parental/teacher assistance on less ethical ground.</p>

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<p>There is no doubt in my mind that people are so concerned about winning the competition for college admissions that otherwise ethical people rationalize their actions that are “on less ethical ground”</p>

<p>Then again, rule-breakers abound in our society. I am sure that people who litter feel justified, . . .</p>

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<p>I did absolutely nothing to help my D with the application process or essays, other than buying a new cartridge for the printer. She made checklists and highlited dates in her planner, and then included a check-list paperclipped to each envelope that she turned in to the Guidance Office to be mailed (after they included the transcript). All of her’s were in early and everything was included and the counselors were very pleased, saying it made their life a whole lot easier! She chose her own topics, tailored each one to meet the school and finally finished them all at home after locking horns with her AP English teacher who insidted upon adding humor to each and every essay- sometimes that isn’t appropriate and “one size fits all” is never the way to go!</p>

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<p>I think it is OK to be a sounding board, make suggestions, etc. Even proofread and help edit, why not. So long as the kid writes it and it is “his” (or hers).</p>

<p>My S actually wrote his college app essay in Junior year for an English assignment. He used it on all his common apps and even for some scholarships (and got them). He got a ton of mileage out of it.</p>

<p>However I DID help with his other essays, proofing, making suggestions to make it clearer.</p>

<p>Here is how I feel about it, this is not a writing contest. It is about making sure the admissions folks understand who you are. I did not feel at odds with helping my S make sure he was coming across as the person he is.</p>

<p>kollegkid - not all students are as motivated and gifted in the writing department as you are. Editing is a gift we can choose to give. One can choose to accept it or not, IMO.</p>

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<p>I’ll add that I’m dismayed that so much focus is placed on writing the personal essay, both in college and as some of the posters here at CC have suggested, in high school, to do drafts en route to college apps. </p>

<p>Other forms of writing would be FAR more useful to learn and practice, especially if they involve independent research, such as what students can do for National History Day, or for nationally-awarded writing prizes. </p>

<p>Isn’t it the case that a number of very competitive colleges encourage students to submit an additional writing sample, above and beyond the personal essay?</p>

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<p>I am very new here. So maybe I miss the essential point. But,
from eyes of a foreigner from a country where only exam results matters for college admission, american college admission essay system sounds so problematic.
NYC uses only one test score for admission of their specialized science high schools. It works! It doesn’t eliminate minority students with ability for academically challenging education. Maybe the problem with this sytem is that students from afluent familties tend to show better scores statistically. But that’s another story… I guess.</p>

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<p>I remember reading last year about a poster’s private school that had a committee of 10 people to look over all the college admissions essays…I think that is/was wrong.</p>

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<p>To the OP–if your son rejects the topics you suggest, then stop using up good topics by suggesting them! Some kids are like that (one of mine was)…if it comes from you, forget it!</p>