I didn’t even want to go to college at the beginning of the year, I wanted to take a gap year off and make some money. My dad told me I either went to school this year or start looking for a new place. I was definitely not ready financially to leave, so I had no choice I had to do classes. Im going to my local community college. My dad is paying for my tuition. I started with 4 3 credit classes. I had to withdraw right before the deadline from English because I was getting very bad marks on my essays and was most likely not going to pass.
Anyways to get to where I am now. The first month was going pretty well, really. I was going to all classes. Doing homework and keeping up well. And then I got bored. Started skipping classes and not doing anything school-related. For about 6 weeks I did this. I got two jobs about 4 weeks ago because “it is a good idea to get more things to do to keep you busy” according to my dad. Now I have 2 jobs (working 45 hours a week), 9 credit hours, I play hockey, do jiujitsu and go to the gym. At least, I try to do all of this. Last week I just started going back to classes and I’ve missed so much in Math that I cannot get caught back up, and I am going to fail the class. I’ve already talked to the teacher. My other two classes, U.S. history and public speaking I have to work super hard to keep my grades at a C in both.
My dad is paying for my tuition to go to school. He knows in the first place I didn’t want to go and basically forced me to. How do I tell him and my mom that I failed a class and had to drop another because I was going to fail as well? I feel like he is going to kick me out because he is going to take it as a sign of disrespect and it really isn’t I just did not want to go. He has threatened before that if I don’t get myself together then he will kick me out. What do i do? Should I just finish the last two classes as well as I can then take everything I have and leave before he gets the transcript? (I know that’s not a good idea I’m just venting I don’t know what to do)
Oh, not to mention finals are next week, and I’m working every day in between now and next Wednesday/Thursday when the finals are scheduled. Hardly any time to study, and I’ve told my mom this but she thinks I am not budgeting my time well enough. Apparently that is normal for a guy living at home still going to school to work so much there’s no time to study. What’s the point in that? I don’t have huge bills (I pay for gas in my truck, insurance and my phone bill) so do I really have to be working full time between 2 jobs while I’m a full time student? I’m not even being paid well.
You are going to have to face the music. I am sympathetic with your dad – our kids had to go to college or some kind of trade school, or move out on their own. A gap year could have been an option, but only if they did something to advance their interests in some path of study and mostly self funded it. You picked the school option, and then slacked. You have other options (armed forces, for example).
That’s what I wanted to do was a gap year and just work and earn money. I don’t know what I want to do for a career yet, so I wanted to take an extra year to try to figure it out.
Don’t think of it as your dad kicking you out…think of it as “You are an adult, you are choosing not to attend college, so you saying that you want to be on your own. Getting a degree will give you more of a chance for a better job/career. If that is not what you want, then go forth on your own and do it your way…and pay for your own housing, food, utilties, car, gas, insurance, internet, phone, etc. like the adult you are.”
If I were you, I would prioritize your finals the most for the next couple of weeks. If you ever do take more college classes in the future, you don’t want to have to overcome a terrible GPA (yes, it carries forward). It may be worth it to quit one of the jobs and cut down on sports for now.
When you talk to your parents, tell them that you hadn’t been prioritizing school work over your jobs and you realize that was a mistake. Say once you realized it you studied/got a tutor/ so you could pass.
Then talk to them about your plan. Do you want to keep those two jobs? Do you want to join the military? Do you want to find a place to share? Do you want to work and save up enough for a deposit on an apt?
Whatever it is, you need to take charge of your life but don’t assume that your parents owe you free housing anymore…realize it is a privilege they are giving you. Ask how much rent they want you to pay and what chores (just like if you shared an apt with a roommate) you are responsible for.
Maybe; maybe not. Less than a third of Americans of normal enlistment age are fully qualified to do so. If you limit the pool to high school graduates, the percentage goes up, but the military can afford to be very picky these days, and a criminal record or any number of medical/health issues can be disqualifying.
OP, I am saying my kids would not have had the option just to take a gap year to work. Being a barista or working the night shift at Walmart (not putting that down, it was the only job my kid could get summer before college) isn’t going to help her pick a field of study, and it wouldn’t help you, either. Might help you figure out that you ought to get a degree, and motivate you to go to class, but you really ought to know that already. Your dad gave you a deal, you are blaming him for the deal you picked and then you didn’t hold your end of it up. You are out of high school, your parents don’t owe you room & board any more.
I’m not blaming them, I’m taking responsibility for it. It was definitely my fault. And I wasn’t really given an option, he said go to school or move out. I had less then $500 and no job at the time. Can’t move out. I’m just trying to figure out how to tell him so I don’t get kicked out now, cause I will end up on the streets in a few weeks.
I think you need to do some triage. Sit down with your advisor and figure out if you can take incompletes for any of the classes you think you might be failing. Find out how long you have to do the catch up- and then you really need to buckle down and do the work and pass those classes. If you can pass one class now, and do the work in January to pass the other two you are ahead of the game vs. just flunking.
Then- your work schedule. Can you rearrange your work so that between now and finals you can focus on school work? Offer to take a co-worker’s shift the day before New years; day after Christmas- basically anything your manager approves that gives you time to focus for the next week.
Then- your parents. You need to approach them as people who love you and want a bright future for you, not the enemy who locked you in a closet and made you learned math. I sense there is more to the story with your dad than you have posted which is fine- you are entitled to your privacy, but personally if my kid was going to the gym and playing hockey instead of doing the assigned schoolwork, I do think I’d take it as a sign of disrespect. And I’ve got a pretty long fuse. I work long hours- hey, I’d love to go the gym instead of heading home and putting dinner on the table, doing laundry, paying bills, etc. But my job comes first, and my family responsibilities come second, and the other stuff I’d love to have time for- well, not right now.
So before you decide who is the enemy here, I think you need to accept that you’ve sabotaged yourself by not going to class, and you’ve sort of created a situation where your dad is likely to get really angry. I think if you sit down with them and come clean- while accepting responsibility, showing them an action plan to get back on track to finish off the semester, and showing them your plan to work full time next semester, putting a hold on college until you are more secure financially and are ready to study, they will likely be more receptive vs. “Hey dad, you told me to go to college so I did but I’m flunking and it’s all your fault 'cause I told you I didn’t want to go”.
That never works.
Where I teach, in order to get an incomplete you have to be PASSING the course at the time you request the incomplete. We are not allowed to give incompletes to students just because they are not going to pass. What a nightmare that would be.
OP, just blame your professors like everyone else.
Sounds like you get to take a gap year after all.
I’m sorry your dad sounds a little hardcore, but then given what you describe happened I think I have a little inkling into his reasons. The $500 you have will probably get you into a small sublet with roommates if you start browsing Craigslist. Or you can look into the military as others have mentioned. It does sound like academics is not a good path for you at the moment.
You could try to smooth things out with your parents. But some people need to give it a go on their own first to appreciate what they spurned; you might fall into that category. Who knows, you might love living on your own. And if it turns out you don’t, at that point you’ll be ready for a more genuine conversation with your parents.
After reading it back again I can definitely see how it would be taken that I’m blaming my dad. That’s not what I intended I am taking 100% responsibility it’s not his fault or the professors or my boss’s faults it’s just mine. As far as withdrawing it is too late, the semester ends next week. I have given up on this class to really focus on my other two classes to pass those since there is no chance I’ll pass math.
You’ve already gotten some good advice about dealing with your situation. I’ll address this:
Try some online classes. MOOCs offered by companies like Coursera and edX are free and offer a variety of subjects, from history to computer science. Also, some universities post videos of some of their classes (check out iTunes U). You can work at your own pace, and there’s no pressure to finish if you get bored.
Have you considered any trade schools as an alternative to college? There is, and always will be, a need for qualified electricians, plumbers, welders, etc. and you can earn a very comfortable living as a tradesperson. The curriculum at a trade school is much more “career centric” than the usual university core curriculum, and you might find that more interesting than the basic Math and English classes you’re currently struggling with. Perhaps you could discuss this possibility with your parents.
Why not try for a compromise? (This would have been a more successful conversation if you hadn’t wasted his money this semester by purposely sabotaging your agreement to go to school full time, but water under the bridge…)
See if he’s willing to consider you going to school part-tine: Two classes with no grade lower than a B while you work and live at home for one more semester. At the end of the semester, you both evaluate how that’s gone and see if he’s willing to extend the arrangement for another semester, etc…
It’s possible the he will feel too burned by your serious immaturity in the face of the opportunity that he offered you - yes, you did have an option to move out if you really didn’t want to go to school. You could have asked him to help you make that happen successfully, but you chose not to do that. Instead you were passive aggressive - setting yourself up for failure on purpose to ‘show him’ that he was wrong to make you go to school. Very childish.
If he’s not interested in making a deal, then move out and continue taking one or two classes while working - he might be willing to extend some help in the form of continuing to cover you on his health insurance for example or make a loan to you to cover a deposit on housing somewhere.
Most people want their kids to be successful and for many that means going to college. But if you need more time, then you need to show some maturity and plan for the year off - ideally with his help. Or if not, on your own.
Do you have any money saved from working 2 jobs? Maybe you can apologize to your parents for not working harder in school and offer to pay them back for the tuition they paid?
Then work next year and save up some money so you can work less when you do decide to go back to school.
And I agree, work only the minimum and drop the sports for now to focus on the finals.
I second the group house idea. The affordable option is to share a house with others - $500 a month might be more than enough for this, unless you live in an expensive area or are expecting to live in a house as nice as your parents’.
Also, note that with 2 Cs and and F it is unlikely that you will be able to transfer into a decent 4 year college so you might think about retaking that math course (if you can really commit to a plan for attending class.)
I’m working hard to get those two classes to stay at a C for the last week of the semester right now that’s all I worried about. I told my mom and she wasn’t too happy but I told her exactly what happened and she understands. Just have to figure out how to tell my dad now. I am planning on saying that I will from now on pay for college myself. I do want to keep going, as I have to get a degree to do what I want to do (want to be a paramedic) I just was not ready maturity wise I think for this semester. It’s been an eye opening experience for sure and I think I understand what needs to happen next semester. I am going to retake the math class as it is a required class for the degree. Also I am planning on moving to Hawai’i, as that is where I am wanting to be a paramedic, and finish my degree there starting next summer or fall. I know a few friends that are going there that I can house with and it will be cheaper cause it will be 3 or 4 of us.
Just have to tell my dad now
You had me til the Hawaii plan. That is where your dad will blow a gasket, too. Finish your degree, then looking at moving.