<p>We have an 11YO daughter who is the youngest of four kids. Any advice on how best to raise her over the next 7 years would be greatly appreciated. Specific questions that come to mind are:</p>
<li><p>What are helpful things to try to do?</p></li>
<li><p>What are harmful things to try to avoid?</p></li>
<li><p>How would you describe a strong or ideal father-daughter relationship?</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Thank you very much!</p>
<p>I think that is so sweet and well meaning that you are asking. My father and I have always had a great relationship. I'm the first and oldest. Both my parents love and cherish me to no end, but I feel like I have a special connection with my father. Ever since I was a little girl he's always put aside special time for me. When he was sitting in the library having cocktails with his friends he'd always invite me to come sit in his lap. And he always saved the cherries from his Manhattans especially for me. </p>
<p>As I've gotten older the nature of our relationship has changed. First and foremost he is my father, but second he is my friend. He has always trusted me, regardless. He has never abused my trust. If I told him something or asked him something in confidence it stayed that way. If I ever needed help I know I can go to him. These are important things. You have to trust her and let her know you trust her. If you set limits with her now she will obey those always. If they need help they will ask. If they need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on they will come to you.</p>
<p>Support her in school and her extra curricular activities. Always praise her work and her interests. Don't compare her to other children. Look at her bright sides and the person she is. Accept her for who she is, don't try to force her or encourage her into things she is not. </p>
<p>Spend time with her, alone and away from everyone else. Take occasional trips to the mall, have lunch together, even a short drive to the supermarket can be meaningful. Take her to do things you enjoy sometimes. If you play golf bring her along one day. Bring her to the office for a day. Introduce her to your friends. When she is older invite her out to dinner. </p>
<p>Shopping is another good area. Instill a sense of good taste and style. Buy her nice, tasteful clothing and go with her. She won't be tempted to wear the latest styles of body baring clothes. Buy her a few special items. Make her feel special. When I was thirteen my dad bought me a simple pearl necklace, to celebrate becoming a teenager and getting older. It was my favorite gift I have ever received, and meant so much to me. Things like that. Little things count. </p>
<p>Talk to her about boys, sex and relationships, drugs and alcohol. She will listen to you. Explain your beliefs, but most of all be positive. You need to teach her what to expect from men, what is acceptable and what is not. Lead by example. Girls are dating younger and younger and going farther with boys earlier. If you get the message across early and strong enough she will listen. In addition you need to tell her if she has any problems to come to you and know that you won't be angry and yell at her. That is important. Too many girls are afraid to tell their parents they are sexually active or dating or in an abusive relationship. If you have a good relationship with your daughter she would tell you. She needs to learn early to respect herself and her body. That is one of the most important things. Don't make jokes about weight or eating- we don't take those so well. </p>
<p>As she is your youngest, don't baby her. Let her feel more grown up. Give her some responsibilites, trust and opportunities. Its important that she doesn't feel like the baby, or being treated as one. </p>
<p>Tell her you love her often. </p>
<p>Its not that hard. You just need to follow your instincts. Be there when she needs you, back off a little when she wants some space- which will be inevitable when she's a teenager. Do all of that and you'll end up with a life long friend. I consider my father one of my best friends in the whole and am deeply saddened that I leaving him next year. I know our relationship will change, from more of a father-daughter to a friend-friend. I know we have a strong relationship because I trust him. I share my secrets, my worries and my feelings with him. I let him help me. Most of all I know its strong because he trusts me in return- he asks for my advice, my help for things. He treats me as an equal and as an adult. </p>
<p>I hope that helped. I tend to ramble a bit, but I hope you get the point. I don't give up an opportunity to brag on my relationship with my dad. Good luck with your daughter.</p>