Fear of Dating

Student Lounge College Life
1

So, I am a female who is 19 and has never dated anyone, never been asked on a date, and never been kissed or anything along those lines. I am now terrified of it (I know some of it is PTSD from being molested as a child by my older cousin) but I was wondering if anyone has any tips for overcoming this fear and not shutting out every guy that I come into contact with. I think this guy named Nick in my class is into me but every time he talks to me I get terrified and want to leave.

2

Practice being friends with guys. Text them and hang out with them like you would with female friends. Don’t put a lot of pressure on yourself. Just focus on having fun. I know this takes a lot of courage, but I’ve asked guys out before, and they’re almost always respond positively when I do it. You don’t usually have to be the one asking, but it might be a fun thing to try to build your confidence.

3

First of all, I’m so sorry for what happened to you as a child. I can understand how having such an experience at a young age has left you apprehensive, anxious and fearful about dating. I would highly recommend connecting with the college counseling center if you haven’t already. They will help you deal with the root of your fears more than any one on college confidential.

I can tell you that over 20 years ago I was in your shoes and some of the things that helped me were:

  1. Recognize the difference between the “little truth” and the “big lie”. The little truth is some men are dangerous, predatory and don’t have your best interest at heart; the big lie is ALL men are.

  2. Focus on developing positive male friendships and acquaintances- the barista at Starbucks; the college professor; the openly gay friend; the grandfather type- having these safe, platonic friendships will allow you to build your confidence and social skills.

  3. Recognize that a certain degree of nervousness, butterflies in the stomach, fight or flight response is how many of us feel when we’re around someone we find attractive.

  4. You do not owe anyone an explanation for wanting to take things slowly.