Feedback on my Common App Essay, please...

College Essays
1

<p>Hey! I have just finished the very first draft of my personal statement for the Common Application, and I would like you, ONLY if you are interested in it and are willing to give constructive feedback AND criticism, to read it.</p>

<p>I personally believe that it vividly characterizes a significant experience in my earlier years and its effect on the rest of my life. I would be really glad if you could suggest solid and concrete improvements.</p>

<p>(for example: I think you should add something about how this event affected your relationship so that you will display this and this to the admissions officer)</p>

<p>I would be glad if you could indicate your position (like whether you are from high school, college, or parent), and if you are a student, your graduation date :) </p>

<p>I will try and PM it as soon as you show interest. </p>

<p>Thanks in advance for this great help!!</p>

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<p>Do not ask for any criticism on your essay online especially on a website like this. People reading this post are probably in search for a good essay and by looking at yours, they can take away your ideas, making your essay less unique and even becoming a stronger candidate hindering your chances.</p>

<p>If you are a high school student, go ask your best English teacher or college advisor for feedbacks. If you are currently enrolled in a college, go see your English professors.</p>

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<p>^^^ there are a few honest people in the world. just sayin. </p>

<p>anyways, i can do a really in-depth edit of your essay if you want. pm me :)</p>