Feeling Miserable in my Junior Year

Student Lounge College Life
1

Hi everyone, I’m new here.

I’m about to finish up my first semester of Junior year. I try my best and get good grades, I have friends, I live at home and am surrounded by people who care about me and support me. I’m chasing after my dream by going to college.

But I still feel so miserable.

I don’t know if it’s some form of seasonal depression or what, but since around Halloween something inside me snapped and I’ve been having panic attacks and mental breakdowns almost every other day. I’ve been trying to reevaluate my life and wondering if I’m really doing what will make me happy in the long term. I’m an education major and I want to be a teacher. I still think that’s what I want to do but for some reason, my confidence has just been destroyed. I don’t know what is happening to me, to be honest. I don’t know what to do to get my confidence back. I try my hardest but for some reason, I still don’t feel like it’s enough. This causes me to worry if assignments are done correctly or if they’re good enough. I’m also wondering if, because this is the first semester I have actually started taking my major specific classes, if I’m good enough to be a teacher. Are these classes making me miserable? Is it my professor? Is it me?

I’ve been talking to my close friends and family and they are all concerned for me. I don’t know what to do to get better, I think something is wrong with me.

I’m usually a very optimistic person. The first half of the semester I trudged through like the previous years, perfectly fine. I’ve heard freshman year is usually the hardest for people, but it wasn’t hard at all for me. For some reason now I just feel like giving up and dropping out in my third year even though I’m doing well. I want to take a year off, but I’ve made a lot of friends in my current class and I don’t want to be “left in the dust” or so to speak. We help each other a lot with assignments and I don’t want to lose that.

Maybe it’s not college that’s making me miserable, but it’s acting as a catalyst. Maybe I’m just depressed because I’m scared of the future and if I’ll really be able to do what I want in life. I just want to be happy in life, and I don’t know what to do.

My professors are also not helping in the slightest. I’m in a 3-part class that has a lot of work and I’m also taking a history course as well as a lab. Two of my professors decided to drop gigantic final projects on us during the last two weeks of classes which is causing me a lot of stress in addition to my crumbling self-confidence. One of my professors is also my advisor and I’ve never felt comfortable talking to her because she has made it clear that she doesn’t really care. I’m going to have this professor next semester and they also assigned us a book to read over break. I’m going to explode.

Sorry, this was all over the place. I just have a lot on my mind right now and I needed to vent. I would like some advice. Am I going through seasonal depression? I feel like I’m going through a quarter-life crisis. I’m only 20.

2

Hugs to you OP. Go talk to your school’s mental health services center. Sometimes just talking to a professional can be helpful. If it is seasonal affective disorder, they will be able to diagnose that too. You don’t need to go through this alone.

3

Thank you for responding. I know some people who are going to professionals for help, I’ll try to see if I can set up an appointment with someone.

4

You are placing so much on whether your course of study will lead you to finding and building the life you will want.

While I do understand that going to college to be able to be employable is a part of the expectation of the college student, going to college to be trained to be just the person or just the professional you picture yourself being in the long run does not have to be your goal. In another time, I would say, should not be your goal.

If you can step back and take perspective of the commitment you’ve made to the course of study you are on, and determine that you can finish up that course of study - even without huge excitement - you will find your sense of accomplishment and satisfaction at having met that educational goal a confirmation of what you can do when you set your mind to it. You can use that point as a milestone, or a touchstone, and remind yourself that you can walk in whatever direction you choose. You choose.

Be honest with yourself about what you may want in the deepest part of your imagination when you think of where you want to take your life.

Part of being honest with yourself may be reassessing why you are studying what you are studying. Ask yourself if you want it/was it your dream/do you want it because of some external force you are trying to adopt as your own or to please?

Definitely follow the advice of momofsenior1.

I am wishing you the best.

5

You’re very right, Waiting2exhale.

It’s so hard in this society when they tell you to go to college and be successful. You assume that going to college and getting that job you want will make you happy because you’re successful. I have a much clearer head now and I understand that I’m doing this to myself. I have to think of strategies to make myself happy instead of assuming that I should be because I’m doing what society says I should be doing.

6

More hugs! Please talk to someone. Vent as much as you’d like.

" Maybe I’m just depressed because I’m scared of the future and if I’ll really be able to do what I want in life. I just want to be happy in life, and I don’t know what to do."

I don’t know anybody that hasn’t had those exact same fears at some point.
Join the club!

Life isn’t linear. Future happiness will not be dependent on your current decisions. Believe me.

This is simplistic but it worked for me more than once in college.
You got hit with some heavy projects all at once. It happens. It’s overwhelming for sure. I get it.

Organize your thoughts and work schedule on paper so it isn’t rambling around in your brain. The hardest thing is to make your mind quiet enough to actually think. Put it on paper.

  1. Determine the work in front of you.
    Write everything down on paper. Make a list.

  2. Prioritize by workload and due date.

  3. Start on the list. Give yourself a reasonable “get done by” date.

And also put on paper under two columns the “good” and “bad” of your chosen career if you think that’s a problem… You’ve listed a ton of pluses!

7

I agree with others that you should see a professional counselor. Your school should have some sort of counselors that you can talk to. They are there to talk to students like you.

I will admit that I ran into similar issues at the same point of university. You should keep in mind that things really do get better after you graduate. In the mean time, there are people there specifically to help you.

If you need to, you can take a semester off and then return to university. Obviously you have to arrange this with the university.

8

I personally have observed (in myself and others) that junior year is the worst. It’s the age where heavy adult responsibilities typically begin to be felt. You are not alone and it’s very normal. But getting someone to talk it through with is important and also figuring out whether it’s a seasonal thing.

9

Thank you, everyone, for the comments. I will definitely seek professional help in the near future. Just knowing people are here for me helps so much, I really appreciate it.

@CCtoAlaska - Knowing that other people feel junior year is terrible makes me feel a lot better about myself and my situation. Thank you!

10

@sup762 it’s so common I actually have advised my own kids to do early college so they never run into it! I wanted to drop out every trimester I was on campus past sophomore year. Somehow, I buckled down and finished on time. I was lucky that I liked my classes. See if you can take a break somewhere between now and graduation - study abroad, take a semester at another school to transfer credits back, etc. I did both to get through and graduate.

11

Junior year is tough psychologically. All the shine of going to college has kind of worn off, you know how much work is involved, and the end seems a ways off. It can be a grind. Then there is the prospect that the end of college will be looming and fear that you won’t be prepared. You will have the foundational knowledge and student teaching experience to start that teaching job. But your learning won’t be over. In fact it will still be the beginning. Once you start teaching you’ll hopefully have a new teacher mentor and/or other teacher colleagues to help you develop the skills you need to do your job. You’ll have professional development activities and a plethora of teacher resources available to you on the internet. It will be an ongoing process. Try not to think of it all at once. For now finish your current classes, then have a refreshing winter break from school. Do some things to recharge. You can do this.