<p>My son got in to the schools he applied to, which includes 2 very small LACs. Thing is, the people were so wonderful at both LACs, but he cannot attend both, obviously, and I feel so bad about having to go back and tell one of them that he is turning down the admission.</p>
<p>I don't know which one he will end up going to (that will come down to the financial aid). But I feel so bad about telling such nice people no.</p>
<p>Any good advice? Any else ever feel this way or go through this?</p>
<p>I felt this way after D went thru her private HS apps. I really got to know a number of admissions officers and the respective schools and in fact there was one officer that I felt like I could become social friends with. These schools are all small , maybe 80-125 kids per grade.</p>
<p>I wrote a letter saying how much we loved the school and what specific things we loved but but we’re unable to enroll. I did not put down the name of the school that we ultimately chose because I thought it would look rude. Yes, I felt bad, but it needed to be done.</p>
<p>I think it’s great that both you and your son made such strong connections at the schools, but at the end of the day I don’t think admissions folk take “rejection” personally.</p>
<p>My kids (not me) wrote a nice note to admissions and thanked them for their acceptance, but then said that they had chosen to matriculate elsewhere.</p>
<p>The schools KNOW that some kids won’t be enrolling. </p>
<p>There were two smaller schools that my daughter got accepted to during undergrad application process. The people in admissions were also so nice that I felt a little bad . One of them sent a follow up letter with a questionnaire about what she thought they could do to improve. She sent two thank you notes to the people we spoke to their and also an alumni who took the time to write her a personal letter ( I think she was in her 80s ) I knew that no one would take it personally , but it just seemed polite.</p>
<p>I think it’s even harder for recruited athletes. My son met SO many nice coaches! Several of them went to bat for him, so he got into some amazing schools. It was really hard for him to turn people down. He did call each coach to say thanks and explain why he chose a different school. Most of the coaches were very classy, but a couple weren’t so polite.</p>
<p>“[W]e’re unable to enroll”? You wrote letters for your children? I’m sure you both have the best intentions, but it is not your job to enroll with your child, nor is it your job to tell anyone anything. If your child is mature enough to go off to college, then he or she needs to be the one communicating with the admissions department – not you.</p>
<p>Admissions people are very aware that this is a business. They have likely turned down a lot of kids for admission, and in turn they know that all kids apply to multiple colleges and they will not get many of the kids they do admit. Also, all colleges admit for more spaces than they have available in the freshman class, since they know a high percentage of kids will not attend anyway (“yield”). </p>
<p>That said, I think it is nice to have your son write an email to admissions thanking them for taking the time to review his application and accept him, and let them know that it was a tough choice, but he has decided to attend another school. I personally think this is a good idea, just in case your kid has a bad year at his chosen school, or for whatever reason has buyer’s remorse and wishes he had made a different choice. Might help him get a little leeway if for some reason he changes his mind later. But I also think an email is just fine, no need for a handwritten letter.</p>
<p>My kid was lucky enough to have to do this in December. I told him to send a nice short email to the regional adcom, thank them for their time and for interviews, and NOT to tell them that he was “taking my talents to South Beach.”</p>
<p>DS sent simple, gracious thank you’s (via email) to the admissions rep at each school he declined. Whether the staff are too busy to read them or not interested (likely enough!) is beside the point, really. This was more along the lines of <em>plain good manners.</em> </p>
<p>It’s good practice for the work-world and life, generally. </p>
<p>Years ago, we told DS the story of a successful movie producer we know who says this practice was one of the “keys” to his success: when starting out, he ALWAYS found a reason to send a thank you. He continues this practice now, decades later. </p>
<p>Thank you’s are very important, even if Adcoms don’t take rejections the least bit personally. It’s not just about the advantages and benefits that may accrue to the writer–it’s also a great way to develop a general attitude of gratefulness and awareness of others. </p>
<p>Tending to relationships is important. Acknowledging the efforts of others is very important. A simple thank you goes a long way, and writing one is is an act of gratefulness. DS was well-trained on this during HS and it’s served him very well. Over time (one hopes!), it will become a natural lifelong habit.</p>
<p>The yield rate - % of accepted students who go on to enroll - is about 30% at most colleges. That means admissions officers are well aware that about 70% of students they accept are not going to enroll, and they factor that in when they admit students. In other words, they expect a majority of the accepted students to say thanks but no thanks.</p>
<p>Harvard has an 80% yield rate. That still means 20% of accepted students decline the offer. It’s not personal, and no admissions officer takes it that way.</p>
<p>And yes - your child declines the offer, not you.</p>
<p>Yes, i don’t think parents should be sending the “no” postcards, e-mails, or no-thanks letters. It is entirely possible (and my kids have seen them) they will send a postcard or e-mail asking “why” a student turned them down, but again, it’s entirely up to the student to respond if they choose to do so.</p>
<p>^Oh, yes, it has to be the student who does it.
Now that DS is 18 and off to school, it’s all up to him. But during his early, formative years, we role-modeled and encouraged the writing of thank you’s.</p>
<p>My daughter applied to 8 schools, got into 8 schools, and narrowed it down to 2. Each time she sent an email stating that she would not be attending, a horrible sadness overtook me! I felt awful. When she narrowed it down to two and sent her final rejection email I felt really upset. I think it was because the #2 school was always #1, and she communicated with admissions several times telling them how much she loved the school. When we visited the final 2 schools one last time she realized that the #1 school was way too big, and chose the #2 school that she fell in love with.</p>
<p>SEMANTICS! First off, if you want to pick at the wording of anything, go back and read my post. You will see that I said that I feel guilty about my son turning one down. I never said that I plan to personally do the turning down. Sheesh! How did some of you get through 18+ years of child rearing when you have to try to pick at every little detail? And in the details, I never said that I was going to turn down any school personally. I stated that I felt guilty about it being done.</p>